to find other people's reactions to my pregnancy really awkward?

[Aldrinja]

• Belly touching
• Staring at my bump
• Unsolicited advice
• Asking personal questions - 'how did your 20 week scan go?' - 'erm, not great actually!'
• automatically telling birth horror stories without me asking for them

Etc etc - the list goes on. AIBU to think that this doesn't improve from now on and it'll only get worse once baby is born? I feel very uncomfortable. A colleague who didn't know I was pregnant today spent the whole meeting staring at my bump - literally fixated. He then asked one of my colleagues all about my pregnancy (boy or girl, how I was etc etc - just bloody ask me!)

Hmmph...

[PilarTernera]

YANBU some people behave as if a pregnant woman is public property.

People asked me if my pregnancy was planned. In other words, have you been using birth control?

[Aldrinja]

@PilarTernera I've had that one too. I've even been told I'm young to be having kids (I'm 27 ) - no limits when talking to a pregnant woman clearly!

[MissConductUS]

The whole reproductive process seems to be public property. I recall when we were trying unsuccessfully for our first and then going onto fertility drugs having women come up to me and demand to know whey DH and I didn't have any kids yet. I half the time I wanted to slap them and the other half I wanted to cry.

[ikeepaforkinmypurse]

Mothers become a public forum for some reason, and the unsolicited advice don't even stop when the kids are teenagers!
You can prevent people from touching you of course! For the advice, nod, smile and ignore what you don't agree with.
Some people are trying to show interest, and they don't mean bad when they ask questions.

[Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname]

Just tell them you aren't really pregnant - it's just cake.
And smile.

[Aldrinja]

It's the most bizarre thing. I hate attention. I find myself wearing baggy clothes that look awful on me just so people don't notice. As opposed to my usual figure hugging dresses.

I would never think to ask someone how a scan went. What if there was bad news? I was asked how my 20 week scan went. I froze up because they had found an anomaly and we are awaiting further testing and results. I just wanted to say 'fuck off it's none of your business' - it really awoke a different kind of rage in me.

[threelittlesoliders]

I had a work colleague ask if I was planning on having my babies (twin pregnancy) 'out my vagina' or 'unnaturally' (c-section) .

I hated being asked about scans too. I found it very intrusive, especially when people knew one baby had health problems and the constant pushing of questions was very hard to deal with.

[Aldrinja]

@threelittlesoliders it is very intrusive isn't it. Sorry you encountered problems with your pregnancy. I'm going through the same at the moment - anomaly found and people constantly asking how scan went. My face says 'it went badly' every time and it never gets easier to answer.

[Heatherjayne1972]

Welcome to motherhood !
You are now public property to be touched and asked the most personal questions
When baby comes you’ll be judged fir what you do and don’t do
Strangers friends family and work colleagues will still offer unsolicited advice
It sucks We all been there
yanbu

Btw. Ignore most of the -‘advice ‘
Your body. Your baby. Your choice

[Aldrinja]

@Heatherjayne1972 I think I was massively unprepared for his brazen some people can be...

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Next time someone touches your bump, lean forward and put your hand on their stomach! They will be like WTF!
And so they should... cannot bear people thinking they have this right to touch a womans bump
I try not to quiz pregnant women (unless they are clearly enjoying speaking about it) as they must get sick of repeating themselves all day long!

[LisaSimpsonsbff]

I'm really sorry that you had worrying news at your 20 week scan, and I hope the further tests are reassuring.

I haven't had anything like that stress, but I still hate it - I'm 37 weeks now but still very anxious and I don't like having people make a fuss around me, so I don't like being questioned and I also don't like people fussing round to find me a seat, etc. I sort of know I'm being a bit unreasonable so I try and be nice back as I know they're trying to be nice, but I hate having to constantly answer the same questions and I always feel that people somehow expect me to be more excited than I am? I've also found the few times I have shared some anxieties people have been really unhelpful/dismissive - I'm having quite a bit of extra monitoring because there's some concern about the baby being small for gestational age, and the few people I've told have all said that it's silly and that 'some babies are just small' - well, my consultant thinks it's worth keeping an eye on, thanks, but cheers for your medical opinion, I'll be sure to weigh it equally against theirs!

[Selladoor]

I remember this when pregnant with my DD. I also remember them assuming I had a husband, asking his reaction etc... I had a fiance then so didn't mind too much.

This time? More of a 'casual date number 2 after too much gin' thing! The looks on their faces will be priceless

[TheBlueDot]

In the nicest possible way, are you seeing ill intent when there isn’t any? People are just trying to show an interest. If they didn’t ask questions, you might think they’re ignoring your pregnancy. If they do ask questions, you think they’re intrusive.

Eg that last point in your OP about your colleague asking someone else how you were - if he’d asked you directly you’d have been annoyed too.

The touching of your bump is not on, that’s definitely annoying.

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Also, i never ever ask people if they have children. If they do, it will naturally arise in the conversation on their terms..if they dont then there could be a heartbreaking reason why so why bring it up...

[heateallthebuns]

Brace yourself, it's even worse when you have an actual baby they can comment on, together with your lack of parenting skills!

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Op hope all goes well with your pregnancy &hope people arent pissing you off too much x

[Beamur]

Perfect your death stare. No one touched my bump...
The advice is mostly well intentioned and I think often motivated by nostalgia too, seeing pregnant ladies often makes you think about your own babies.
I never tell pregnant friends anything bad about labour, you can't avoid it, you generally can't predict how it will go and as long as you and the baby are fine, that is all that really matters. But yes, it does hurt a bit.

[Tara336]

I actually found it really uncomfortable how people behaved towards me when pregnant, from a couple of boys shouting “we know what you’ve been doing” at me in the street, an old lady asking my mum details of my pregnancy when we were in a que as if I was suddenly unable to speak for myself to others making fat jokes! I didn’t realise I would have to put up with such crap (oh and yes the birth horror stories)

[redtractor]

YANBU op this gives me the rage! 1st pregnancy I found it very annoying. This time round I haven't really had any which has been bliss!

Just wait until random people in a supermarket touch your baby's face or hands... My DD had major surgery when she was born and first outing on my own with her, a lady ripped the hood back on my pram and tried to stroke her face! Safe to say I went batshit!!

Ignore all the "advice" and try to enjoy your pregnancy. I hope everything goes ok x

[PimlicoWaif]

You're not obliged to put up with this kind of shit in the workplace, OP. I perfected a thousand yard stare and said 'I'd rather not discuss it at work' a lot. I did once slap someone's hand away in a lift once, too, about which I was and am entirely unapologetic.

[Tara336]

Oh and a male colleague thought it wasn’t perfectly ok to ask me in front of lots of people if I was going to breastfeed. So I do feel your pain OP not all of us want or like the attention and some people are just rude and intrusive unfortunately.

[Esspee]

This has to be a new thing. I'm a grandmother now but don't remember any intrusive comments or behaviour when I was pregnant. Can't say the same about breastfeeding. Quite a few people felt free to criticise me feeding past their idea of what was acceptable. I was not assertive enough and was always polite. Should have told them it was none of their bloody business. (Incidentally the longest I BF was 14 months so nothing extreme.)

[Willow2017]

"Oh sorry I didnt get the memo my body was now your business." and give them a hard stare.

[coastalchick]

Oh don’t, my MIL interfering as I’ve said I might go for an elective CS. Told her in no uncertain terms yesterday that the only people who get to have any say in how this baby is born are me, OH, Consultant and Midwife. No one else has any bloody right.