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AIBU?

My Dad strikes again, actually upset me this time

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SpikyCoconut · 19/05/2018 16:08

Maybe more shaken than upset.

My Dad offered to put a washing line up for me and DP some time ago and has kept saying he'd do it soon. We never mentioned it again, didn't ask him to,wasn't a problem.

A few weeks ago he sent me a msg asking if we could dig some holes for the posts to go in, giving measurements. I showed DP the measurements, and DP dug the holes. My Dad saw the holes when he came round for a drink and a bbq last bank hol (you may remember my previous thread).

ANYWAY. I was at fault today because this morning I had a text at around 8 am from my Dad, and I didn't hear it, didn't see it. My fault, I accept this totally.

There was a festival in a neighbouring town today and my friend had a stall so we decided to go to that. We'd just arrived there at lunchtime ish when my 'phone rang, my Dad asking did I get his message.

I said 'no sorry', he said 'where are you'? I said at *** festival. I then said 'Sorry, had you called I'd have answered I just didn't hear the notification for the mesg' he then had a massive go at me again, shouting that I never answer my bloody phone and It's always same and don't give him that etc etc (I do answer my phone, not always but who can say they always do if at work/out somewhere noisy etc etc)?

(He turned up to my BBQ 3 hours later than I had sent the invitation txt, because he didn't see it.. I'm digressing.)

His text had said he wanted our help with shifting some flags this morning as he didn't have time to do it but it would only take about ten mins.

I absolutely would have done this had I known about it, I am cursing myself for not seeing that text message.

Remembering the advice from the last thread, when he began shouting and balling at me I put the phone down.

I then replied to his text saying 'Sorry, didn't hear the message, if you'd have called I'd have answered, we'll do it when we get back?xx'

But I couldn't relax at the festival so we came back after about an hour. It was a half hour walk to the car then 25 mins drive, if relevant.

We got back and he was in the garden digging the holes. He started having a go at me because the holes weren't dug right. I originally thought he was talking to DP as he knew I hadn't' dug the holes but he wasn't, he was having a go at me. He was shouting loudly and aggressively, very obviously angry..DP didn't say anything at first, I was really confused-I said well DP did them how you asked?

He then shouted that I just wanted to blame someone else and I said 'Dad but, I didn't dig the holes?' DP then said 'yes I dug them'.

Apparently they weren't the right size but then, he'd looked at them at the BBQ and could have said something then.

Anyway he then shouted in a really threatening manner that if I EVER put the phone down on him again he'll be' down the 'phone'.

I tried to stay calm,was shaking (still am)! and said 'And if you do I'll call the police' (I feel bad about this, but he was implying he'd go for me as he has before albeit not for a very long time).

He said 'And see what I'll do if you do!'

Then, Me: 'You don't reply to your text messages!'

Him: 'I don't deal in text messages I deal in face to face me!!'

Me:'Why didn't you ring or come round then?'

Him: 'Cause you dont' answer your phone!'
Me: 'I don't answer it if it doesn't' ring'!

I then went into the house and hid and cried, very proud I didn't break in front of him (I have before).

I am pretty shaken up stil but glad I stood my ground. He's always been this way.

I am upset my day's been ruined, don't understand why he couldn't have rang or knocked on the door, don't see what the big deal is at all, and I really really don't think its right that he threatened me or spoke to me like this in my garden (I am sure the neighbours would have heard, he's a VERY loud person).

DP didn't measure the holes, not realising how particular my Dad is about these things so I told DP that's my fault for not emphasising it. Sorry if this is a bit jumbled. DP said my Dad did look as if he'd go for me any minute. I just remember from the last thread someone saying 'he sees you as a child he can tell off', and this, I am definitely seeing now. Not that I'd ever speak to a child like that (or anyone)! anyway.

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SpikyCoconut · 19/05/2018 16:10

Sorry forgot to add, I do answer my phone to him and don't remember last tiem I didn't, I think I've implied that I am bad for not answering it,I don't think this is the case. Also when we got back DP went to get a shovel to rectify the second hole and was told 'Don't just leave it I'll do it' In a nasty tone.(and is now feels at fault which I've reassured It's not).

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