To be worried about DD saying things that aren't true?

[GinnyJumperoo]

She's just turned three.

To keep it short, she has recently really ramped up her tantrums and wants to do literally everything by herself. She has always been like that but has been much more intense about it recently. She gets very angry, but she is easily distracted.

The past few days whenever she gets angry she has made a comment like "don't hit me again mummy" or "stop hurting me mummy". She does it to DH as well.

Neither of us have ever, ever raised a hand to her and would never dream of doing so. In fact I think I've raised my voice to her once. It is a complete fabrication.

I understand small kids lie but she goes to nursery three days a week. If she tells them "mummy hit me" I don't know what will happen. It worries me.

She did it again this morning. I was trying to get her to eat her breakfast and she was carrying on. I said "eat up or I'm going to switch paw patrol off" and she said "noooo don't hit me mummy". DH gave her a telling off and said she wasn't to make up stories like that but I don't think she really took it on board.

Any thoughts?

[stickytoffeevodka]

I have a vivid memory of saying this to my mum once.

We were on a coach transfer to a ski resort and I was tired and grumpy and she reached over me to get something and caught my face. I piped up really loudly "daddy - mummy hit me in the face - again!"

I think all children go through phases like that - she's testing her boundaries.

[ThisLittleKitty]

I had this in reception my son had a scratch on his face and he told them mummy done it. They called ss. Luckily I had witnesses it was his younger brother.

[Afreshcuppateaplease]

I think i would mention it to nursery

Young children do sometimes say things like this

I do however know two families with older dc (one 5 and one 10) where the child made claims and ss and the police were involved

[ElderflowerWaterIsDelish]

Could she be copying the kids at nursery, e.g maybe she has learned from observing that one child who wants to get their own way (get another child's toy/snack etc) will ask for it, when the other child says no, the first child might say oh x don't hit me (so that either the second child gives in so they don't get get in trouble )

Maybe she has learned it from observing the other kids and is trying it out at home to see if she can use it to get her own way...

Could you maybe make it undesirable for her to do that...each time she says it she loses something she really likes (a favourite toy, or can't watch a favourite tv show etc) and she will soon learn that saying it wont benefit her ...

Also can you speak to the nursery about it, maybe phrase in a way that she has started saying it and you are both wondering if something has happened at nursery with the other children ?..

[NoWittyNamesAvailable]

A couple months back my ds (3) went to walk in to the road, i grabbed his arm.and pulled him back. We got to nursery and he told the staff "mummy kicked me by the road, it hurt. No more kicking mummy" i stood there horrified, the staff said they hear things like it all the time. Its quite normal for toddlers to say things like this. They could get us in so much trouble though!

[ThisLittleKitty]

Yeh I came to the school and there was a social worker waiting for me (they claimed to have called me but they didn't) it was his first day of school so I don't know if that made a difference. First day of school is meant to be a happy day, I had ss called on me.

[jaimelannistersgoldenhand]

Has she watched any TV or movie where an angry person hits an innocent?

If my child said that I'd reply with "When have I ever hit you? " (the face is important) Hopefully they'll switch to another phrase like "Don't be angry" instead

[GinnyJumperoo]

Not that I can think of jaime. I'm racking my brains.

Kitty what a horrendous story. Ridiculous

[LordSugarWillSeeYouNow]

I echo a pp and definitely recommend telling the nursery.

This then makes it less "sensational" if your dd does tell them you have done xyz.

However, this cannot continue but she is still very young so it's trying to find age appropriate ways of explaining things to her.
How about telling her the story about the boy who cried wolf, in a way that she will understand?

Also some sanctions for telling tales, for example removing her favourite toy.

Good luck, hopefully it's just a phase

[ThisLittleKitty]

I did consider moving schools but my mum said it would be put on his record wherever he goes! The head teacher said next time mention it to the staff before hand if he has any cuts of scratches so they are aware how it happened. I didn't know this as obviously it was my first experience with school and the scratch was so small I had forgotten about it. So maybe mention it to the nursery that she's started making things up recently?

[GinnyJumperoo]

I think I will mention it to the nursery.

You don't think they'll think we are trying to cover our own backs or something? It won't make them more suspicious?

[Neolara]

I think most kids say things like this at some stage.

[grannytomine]

Made me remember being at A & E with son, he would have been about 4. Doctor says, "Where was mummy when this happened?" Son looked at me with just a little smirk as if to say, "I can really get you into trouble now." Fortunately he did tell the truth but it was a scary moment. Broken bones would certainly ring some bells.

I'm not sure what would be the best thing to do, I can see the argument for telling nursery but then I would worry that they might think I am getting my excuse in first. it is a hard one.

[Afreshcuppateaplease]

Tbh just as kids will say things about family they will also sometimes say it about nursery workers. An experienced nursery worker should have some understanding.

[GinnyJumperoo]

Yes granny that's it, getting your excuse in first. That's my worry about telling them.

[grannytomine]

Maybe we are paranoid Ginny but yes it would worry me. Do you have a good relationship with them?

[SheRasBra]

Do you think one of the other kids at nursery could have been playing a game and smacking a teddy or doll that had been naughty? Little kids seem to be really into punishing naughty toys! Maybe your DD got the idea from that and so is saying "Don't hit me" when she thinks she's being naughty herself?

[GinnyJumperoo]

Yes I'd say we have a really good relationship with the nursery. I cannot rate them highly enough I think they're fab and DD adores it there.

Yeah it could be coping from kids at nursery. She has recently moved into the 2-3 room and I've noticed her behaviour has been worse since that move (although the nursery say she's loving the new room and certainly she's excited to go in in the morning).

[Blackteadrinker77]

When my dd1 was around 4 she told me her aunt had hit her with a hammer in the head. No mark or anything.

I remember ringing my Mum so upset that she was telling wild lies. My Mums reply was active imagination, it's because she's clever.

Now she is a grown up with a masters degree in law.

Start saving for her uni fees.

[Ansumpasty]

They all go through this; both of mine have told me that the preschool teachers hit them. DS went into detail about the teacher punching him in the teeth. Not true, obviously.
Does make you worry what they say about us though

[mummmy2017]

I think you should go to Nursery and tell them your worried, as you never touch your child and you would like to know where she has heard this from.

Someone she is playing with may be saying it while they play at mum's and dad's and you need to make them aware it is learn behaviour and not something that happens at home.

[Frogletmamma]

My daughter was carried through the centre of Birmingham after a tantrum screaming "No Daddy please don't hurt me again."