To wonder why people assume about CM

[Imustbemad00]

Whenever I see a thread from a single mum on here I see comments such as ‘I assume the Dad pays cm’ or just generally assumptions or shock and horror at the possibility he doesn’t.
I’ve never received a penny for teenage child. Tried the csa years ago but he never paid it.
I have many friends that are single mums and probably 1 in 5 receives maintanince or any financial help. I know it’s really wrong, but it’s quite normal.
Maybe it’s different in families that have gone through divorce and have previously been stable for years.

[Sparkesdontshine]

I don’t get any either

[TheQueenOfWands]

Same.

I felt the CSA sided massively with my ex. They didn't seem to want to get the money.

If they don't want to pay then they don't pay. These stories about men being hounded by the CSA must all be bullshit.

[Lordamighty]

It always surprises me when I hear how often men get away with paying nothing towards the upkeep of their own children. I can never fathom why the Govt allow them to get away with it.

[SoleBizzz]

Nothing here after DS sixth birthday.

[Love51]

Because people don't like the idea that things are fundamentally unfair. It's nicer to think that there are very isolated instances of unfairness.

[justoneday]

I have 2 under 5s. He has given me about £200 in 4 years 9 months. I struggle.

[restbiterepeat]

Sometimes the way the question is phrased suggests that the lack of cm is somehow the fault of the single parent - as though they were remiss to have children with the type of person who wouldn't pay cm.

I've never been a single parent so I'm not being defensive or sensitive when I say that.

[mustbemad17]

Nothing here for DD(5). He is on ESA too, which is supposedly easier as it comes direct. Yeah bollocks. Gave up rather quickly after receiving a 'payment' of 2p

[Ecclesiastes]

Whenever I see a thread from a single mum on here I see comments such as ‘I assume the Dad pays cm’

I always assume those comments are sarcastic, tbh.

[SoleBizzz]

I bet DS Father has told all types of lies about us. The classic lie that I don't let him see DS.. lol the slime

[Ellendegeneres]

Funny how the single parent doing the raising of the kids alone and with often no financial support is the one looked down on and judged. It makes me realise how stupid some people are.

[barefoofdoctor]

My ex is self employed with books which are baked boiled fried grilled and then microwaved (thoroughly cooked). Completely obvious (who can live on the £40 a week he claims he does? (Hid weekly Aldi Grapevine bill). CSA or whatever they are calling themselves couldn't give a toss nor do the tax fraud folk. Brilliant isn't it?

[SparklyLeprechaun]

Probably because of people's own experience? In real life I don't know any single mother who doesn't receive cm, and I know a few single mums. My friend's ex also pays all the school fees and expenses associated to the school, my uncle helped my cousin financially through uni and beyond. I don't know any dad who hasn't got contact with their dcs either, which seems to be common on MN.

[StealthPolarBear]

Always Ellen. And any problems of the child are attributed to the mum - the one who stuck around to fulfil her responsibilities

[megletthesecond]

Yanbu.

I'm the tiny minority who has always had full CM, although he decided to stop seeing them eight years ago.

I do think it's naive when people are rightly told to LTB and then at least they'll get every other weekend off . Not noticed that in RL either.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

These stories about men being hounded by the CSA must all be bullshit.

Not true.

They do chase but generally there are those that it is easier to chase (my ex was a CM avoider but because he couldnt give up his job or go self employed due the nature of the job) he was easy to track down and slap a deducion from earning order on. Yes he moved around a lot but they did always manage to find him.

Its the ones who get bonuses/dividends and dont declare them or cook their books or work cash in hand that are difficult to deal with. The fact is that like all government departments, they are understaffed and underfunded so dont have the resources to chase after the determined avoiders. A some poin hey have o make he decision no o spend resources on a case ha is very unlikely o resul in paymens.

Personally I think the key to this lies with men who do pay. It should be as socially unacceptable ot not pay for your kids as it is to neglect them physically, and its only other men judging them that will affect these deadbeats.

[Andrewofgg]

Whatever else is wrong with CMEC they don't take any interest in the line that she doesn't let me see the children.

[MissConductUS]

In the US the courts are very aggressive about payment of CM. If there's a problem it's often required that the government collects it and pays the custodial parent and wage garnishments are quite common.

[QueenFrosta]

My ex paid nothing for four years, then £10 a week till our DC turned 16. Every week he would pull up outside the house in one of his three luxury cars and put the tenner through the letterbox.

[Andrewofgg]

And how do the American authorities cope with the job hopper, the chap working cash in hand, the chap who just goes to ground? These types exist everywhere and it's usually not only the CM they are dodging.

[MeDented]

The comment about the stories where csa hound the fathers must be bullshit made me laugh!! Years ago DH ex wife told csa he hadn't been paying CM, first he knew about it was when they arrested his wages. It was easy to prove that he had been paying, although we had to pay the bank for evidence the money had left his account every week and been paid into hers, and it took months to get the arrestment stopped! CSA didn't even ask him first so they definitely did hound!

[FredaNerkk]

Haven't received any child maintenance for 2 years; children still primary school age. Meanwhile DCs see their DF EOW as per court order.

Agree with pp who say that CMS only chase up the easy cases. Nothing much unpaid mum's can do because legal view in this country is that it is the child's right to see their father, so he gets to see them regardless whether CMS chase him.

Folks told me some other countries take a different view - when a DF is ordered to pay child maintenance and then doesn't, he has no (or reduced) powers to enforce his children right to see him.

I agree that children shouldn't be pay-per-view (dads should pay child maintenance even if they don't bother seeing their children). I also think that sometimes it is the right thing to do as a DM to facilitate kids' time with a DF even though he hasn't paid towards their upkeep. But I don't think DMs should be forced to follow the detail of court order for residence/contact if DF is not paying child maintenance. My view is that courts should turn away fathers who try to bring enforcement proceedings for time with children if they have CMS payments outstanding. I wonder if courts do that informally without really saying that that's what they are doing? Anyone have any experience?

[BitchQueen90]

YANBU. I'm probably one of a small minority who receives CM and my exh actually pays me willingly, not through CMS.

My DM was a single parent and my father never paid a penny. One of my best friends doesn't get anything either from her ex.

[MissConductUS]

Job hoppers aren't that hard to trace through tax records. Independent contractors who take cash are much harder to pursue here, but they also have assets that can be gone after.

It's not perfect here, but they're not lax about it.

[winglesspegasus]

in many u.s.states if the deadbeat parent doesn't pay child support they lose thier drivers liscense/amazing how fast they payup and catch uphiding assets will get you jailtime