To think help should be given before it's too late?*trigger warning*

[RottenTomatoes959]

Met with a few friends for coffee last night and ended up discussing those videos doing the rounds on facebook of those paedophile hunters catching predators which is great.
However the discussion moved on to a documentary we watched ages ago about paedophiles who knew what they were but locked themselves away from society and did everything in their power not to offend.

Before i get flamed i was abused as a child so i know what its like to go through that.
IIRC there is somewhere in england possibly that is like therapy or something for people who have offended to try rehabilitate them,but nowhere for people who haven't and dont want to either.
I think that people with that kind of rewiring or chemical imbalance in their brain should in no circumstances be around children,ever. At the same time though i feel its counterintuitive to shut someone down or abuse or attack someone whos seeking help before doing anything.
I feel that it pushes them down underground where the likelihood is that theyll meet likeminded people and begin to normalise it and even encourage it.
There should be a safe space or spot where someone can go and get the correct therapy or even surgery or tablets to rupress sexual urges
Im not saying that we should accept because we cant and never should and they should not be able to to be around children or accepted into society with open arms. I just dont want what happened to me to happen to anyone and i think that people being so afraid of getting killed or whatever else will hide what they are until they cant hide it anymore.
Ive probably made a balls of explainging this properly but heyho.

Before flaming me for thinking im saying they should be accepted or it should be normalised im definitely not.
I just want to help and keep safe kids like i was.

[MissionItsPossible]

I'm going to say something controversial that people may not agree with but I'm going to say it anyway.

I think peadophiles are born that way, in the same way that gay and straight people are. And that no amount of hard wiring or therapy will change that. You can, as you could if you were straight or gay choose not to act on it and remain celibate but I don't think they can ever not be attracted to children. Ex-gay therapy doesn't work and it's been proven over and over again. They can surpress their feelings but they won't stop being gay. Peadophiles will never not be peadophiles. And no I'm not saying gay=peadophiles before anyone jumps down my throat

[EggsonHeads]

I agree with you. People with such urges should have the options to go to their GP to self refer for chemical castration if they want it. Not sure what other therapies are available but perhaps some kind of buddy program between peadophiles who repress and suitably qualified professionals to provide support when needed or perhaps a crisis hotline may be helpful.

[RottenTomatoes959]

Thats my general idea aswell and i didnt mean therapy as to change their attraction i just meant it as in a way to vent and to help them control their urges among other things.

[Booboobooboo84]

I get exactly what you mean OP. I think there should be nothing but help for any person who admits they are having paedophilic thoughts and don’t want to act on them. I would thoroughly support any amount of money being spent to try and support them and prevent them offending.

[RottenTomatoes959]

Thank you ladies. I said the same to my friends yesterday and all but one agreed with me. The other one just flat out said no they should all be killed.

[LostInShoebiz]

I think those that take steps to deal with any urges should be supported and - to an extent if truly genuine - applauded for seeking help. I'm certain there are many people that would not come forward for fear of being demonised and attacked in their homes, locked up, etc.

There are fascinating documentaries about voluntary chemical castration in the states.

I don't agree about paedophiles being entirely born a certain way, though I think it's true to an extent. Rather more sadly, I think a lot are made to have a kind of twisted sexuality through early experiences in which they were not willing participants.

[ShatnersWig]

Rotten Not everyone on MN is a lady....

But I agree with you and your friend who said they should all be killed is a bit of a bigoted pillock.

[DrRanjsRightEyebrow]

@MissionItsPossible I totally agree.

[RottenTomatoes959]

Oh my apologies Shatners

[RottenTomatoes959]

Lostin I can see where you're coming from but there are numerous people,myself included who have been through the same experience and not turned out like that. So while that may have been a factor it certainly wouldn't be the reason.

[touchTypist]

"I think peadophiles are born that way"

I agree. Well, I think I do and I think that nature / nurture is kind of irrelevant as the nurture aspect is so complex we're can't adapt it anyway.

I think that giving these men and women the tools to control their urges and even a contact / support worker / sponsor. Perhaps something like the AA.

Never sexual, but I've certainly thought of some things which if I'd acted on would have me imprisoned. I'm sure that isn't unusual.

Are there tablets that can work? Chemical castration does, doesn't it? I watched a programme a year or two ago The Pedophile Next Door which touched on these issues and raises some very interesting questions.

[SeaEagleFeather]

Dan Savage calls the self-isolating paedophiles 'gold star' paedophiles.

I'd much much rather see help offered to the self-isolating paedophiles and a pragmatic and effective discussion on what to do with the others; and a lot of investment in treatment/removal from society. Both sets should remain out of contact with children.

But good luck trying to get any sensible discussion. A lot of people would rather say "dump them on an island' than look at any effective way of handling a perennial problem.

I also wonder if less hysteria and more interest in actually doing something effective would lead to less covering up of paedophilia. There's a proportion of families who brush over any indications of paedophilia in their son / father / brother because they don't dare face the implications head on. Maybe more non-judgemental treatment being available would lead to less appalling coverups

[Idontdowindows]

I saw that documentary, and IIRC the men that shut themselves away all agreed that therapy does not help to reduce their urges, but only helps them somewhat to keep them from offending.

They said they could never be deemed safe around children.

I am wholly against normalising pedophilia (as is happening now in some circles, where they are using the abbreviation LGBP) by pretending it's something a bit of therapy and counseling can "solve", or by pretending that it's ok to be a pedophile (in The Netherlands, the pro-pedo organisation Martijn tried to get people to call them "pedosexuals" so that it would seem as if it was just another normal sexuality).

And yes, I would like to see all pedophiles under some type of surveillance/restriction, just like I would like to see with any other rapists.

[Mary1935]

Are they born like this? Have not a lot of them have a history of sexual abuse - so if they hadn't been abused themselves would they go on and do this?
It's a very sensitive subject and I find it (like millions of others) very difficult to comprehend and abhorrent. Those poor innocent children.
I was very physically and emotionally abused as a child - I thank god it wasn't sexual (I'm not minimising others peoples traumas)
I work in mental health services and there are high numbers of individuals who have been sexually abused that self harm.

[Rudgie47]

They would'nt go for help anyway, the majority of them dont see it as being a problem, until they are caught. Then its a big problem.

[touchTypist]

Idontdowindows

"just like I would like to see with any other rapists"

pedophhile ≠ rapist

[PecanPieFace]

I think a lot of people think when you say paedophile you are talking about someone who has abused a child, rather than someone who might just be attracted to children without ever having acted on it.

It's description of a sexual preference. A completely abhorrent sexual preference, but a sexual preference nonetheless.

[ButchyRestingFace]

I'm going to say something controversial that people may not agree with but I'm going to say it anyway.

I think peadophiles are born that way, in the same way that gay and straight people are

I don’t think that’s a particularly contraversial view. I agree that their sexual persuasion is not a choice and not something they can control, any more than gay, straight or bisexual people can.

They haven’t chosen to be sexually attracted to children.

What child sex offenders (as distinct from paedophiles) have chosen to do however is ACT on their attraction.

And no-one is compelled to act on their sexual preferences. If they don’t find adult men or women attractive, then they can choose to be celibate. Won’t change their inherent persuasion, but will prevent harm coming to others.

[Jogel]

I thoroughly disagree with what 'paedophile hunters' are doing, but seem to be in a very small minority. A person near me had their car wrecked with paint because he was mistaken for a paedophile who'd been exposed. Comments on FB were 100% in support of the hunters and it was just tough that an innocent person had their property damaged - as long as local kids are being 'kept safe'.
I also question why hunters want to spend their spare time engaging in chat with paedophiles by posing as children themselves. Are they getting some sort of thrill? I would feel very odd about it, and imagine that people who work in this area have a lot of psychological assessment.

[Aridane]

They would'nt go for help anyway, the majority of them dont see it as being a problem, until they are caught. Then its a big problem.

What is your basis for saying this?

[Trashboat]

I am wholly against normalising pedophilia (as is happening now in some circles, where they are using the abbreviation LGBP) by pretending it's something a bit of therapy and counseling can "solve", or by pretending that it's ok to be a pedophile (in The Netherlands, the pro-pedo organisation Martijn tried to get people to call them "pedosexuals" so that it would seem as if it was just another normal sexuality).

Wow. I wasn't aware of this. I am shocked and disgusted.

[TheEgregiousPeach]

Having worked with a few convicted child abusers I find this a difficult issue. Honestly, I hated working with them so I'm probably biased.
But...they are very charming and manipulative and make all the right noises re: wanting to change their behaviour. My experience is that they don't actually mean it. As a pp said earlier, they don't see that it is a problem as they justify their actions and recast the child as a willing participant. That's hard to work with.
I remember a training course I went to where we were told only a small percentage want to change and they will drag themselves across broken glass to do so, they were so committed. Most don't want to change so how do you work out the 'gold star' offenders?
Also more people have been sexually abused and don't go on to do it themselves than those that do.

[Jayfee]

There was a prog yesterday on lbc and a woman from STOPER which is a charity apparently workng with paedophiles before they offend and having some success.

[KayaG]

A bit off tangent but I have grave concerns about the "hunters".

Maybe they get off on pretending to be teenage children. There are no checks at all on them. They spend hours on line pretending to be teenage girls or boys. That's weird.

I think that it's valid for people to do it but only if trained and qualified and sanctified by the police.