A bit of background first so I don't drip feed later.
Me and my mum have always had a strained relationship. My dad worked away most of the year so it was mostly me, my mum my brother and my sister when I was a kid.
My sister (DSIS1) has autism and when we were kids I was very resentful of how much extra time my mum gave to my sister. Dsis1 could be very violent when we were kids. We shared a bedroom and she would break all our things and scream all night. My mum wouldn't let us go to any afterschool activities because she didn't want to take my DSIS1 there and we couldn't have friends over to play. Me and my mum used to argue a lot about it because I felt it was unfair.
This was particularly bad on christmas day as my sister used to try and open my presents and take all my new toys and my mum used to make me give them to DSIS1 to stop her having a meltdown.
As I became a teenager I realised that this wasn't my sisters fault and I tried harder to be understanding with her. I also got a couple of small jobs with neighbors to pay for me and my brother to go to after school clubs to keep us out the house which also helped.
Then my mum got pregnant with my youngest sister (DSIS2) and my mum and dad split up. So my brother and I looked after DSIS2 a lot while my mum mostly looked after DSIS1. We also tried to make sure DSIS2 had some special time away from DSIS1 and my mum and we made sure she had her own space.
I stayed at home while attending university mostly to look after DSIS2. In my last year I became pregnant and had my DD. So I moved out the family home with DD's dad and got a job. My mum was upset at first because she didn't want to manage the activities my brother and I enrolled my DSIS2 in and look after DSIS1. However I still spent a lot of time with DSIS2 and she slept over at ours most weekends. My mum eventually accepted that I had my own family now as well and forgave me for moving out.
Then I found out I am am pregnant again and DDs dad left me. My brother finished university himself and moved in with me and DD. We also started taking my DSIS2 more and more and she pretty much lives with us now (she stays with us every night and only visits my mums during the day for a few hours at weekends).
In the summer holidays DSIS2 admitted to me that she really wants to spend some more time with my mum. But DSIS2 hates staying there because my mum won't spend time with her and DSIS1 breaks hers stuff. So I have been trying to encourage my mum to spend more time with DSIS2. But my mum just isn't interested. I offered to pay for respite care but my mum won't take it.
So to now DSIS2 (10) really wants to spend some of christmas day with my mum. But my mum keeps saying that she will be too busy with DSIS1 to spend time with her. I said me and my brother will take DSIS1 out for a bit but she said she doesn't want to be apart from DSIS1 at christmas and it was DSIS1's christmas too and she deserved to spend it with her mum.
I pointed out that DSIS2 is also her daughter and just wants sometime with her. My mum said that I had always been jealous of DSIS1 and thats why I was pushing this and she was fed up of my selfish behavior. So I lost it a bit and pulled up everything from my childhood where my mum had disregarded my feelings and how it had spoilt my relationship with her and I didn't want the same for DSIS2.
My mum told me how awful and disgusting and said she was glad she hadn't made time for me because I am obviously a shitty person. She then started pushing me out the house saying she had raised a horrible daughter and she hated me.
My brother then sent me some pictures of things my mum had posted on facebook. Slagging me off saying I was a disablist bitch and then going on to announce my depression and mental health issues and for someone who had so many issues she can't believe how hypocritical i'm am.
So I text her telling her how sorry I am but that DSIS2 really wants to spend time with her at christmas and please could we find a way to make it happen for her. So far she hasn't replied but I just know I have completely blown it for DSIS2 now and my mum wont see her. But I really just want her to spend time with DSIS2 as it would mean the world to her.
So AIBU to want my mum to spend time with DSIS2 , or should I just accept that she is too busy with DSIS1 and stop pushing it because DSIS1 is always going to need more care and attention and maybe I am not considering that enough.
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AIBU?
to want my mum to make the effort for DSIS2 at christmas
51 replies
BabySockKittens · 01/12/2017 17:31
OP posts:
DancesWithOtters ·
01/12/2017 17:42
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Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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