AIBU to want to resign from one of my jobs?

[Flokidoki]

My working week currently looks like this:

3 full days (mon, fri, and sat) working from home. Freelance writing earning approx 1200 pm, sometimes less and sometimes much more.

9 hours retail at 288 pm but petrol + parking costs mean I only see 126 of this each month. This was originally taken to ensure some income if I had a bad month with the freelance work.

I have been informed that my retail contract is being reduced in the new year to either 4 or 6 hours a week.

I have now accepted a job as a pa/office manager for at least 10 hours per week. This will mean at least £400 pm

Personally, I think I should hand my notice in on the retail job but DH thinks I should be able to make all work together, at least until I'm settled in to the new job. He doesn't really seem to have a reason for this other than wanting the extra money.

However, my perspective is that with the new job I can change my work at home days to Monday to Wednesday and do the new job Thursday and Friday, freeing up my weekends.

On top of this I'm about to publish my first book and am also in the editing stages of a novel manuscript (publishing deal is secured). This is currently taking up about 3 hours in the evening and/or me waking up at 4am to work until 6.30am.

New job is a 5 minute as opposed to 45 minute drive away and eliminates the need for daily wraparound childcare.

If I keep the retail job I also think I'll have to stop a WFH day to be able to fit in the new job.

What would you do? I can just see myself being exhausted and not able to balance work and home life. I don't see where I'll have time to exercise (essential for managing arthritis), keep up with the housework that the cleaner doesn't do, and be able to spend quality time with DD.

[BitOutOfPractice]

It's an absolute no brainer to give up the retail job. Both financially and practically

Tell DH to get a job in the evenings if its so easy to juggle all that. And do the childcare too.

[Cactusjelly00]

Hand in your notice for the retail job. You're already doing too much
Pardon me for asking but has he always been so inconsiderate? Arsehole.

[SandSnakeofDorne]

Give up the retail job. It seems completely obvious and I think it's a bit mean of your husband to think you should manage all that!

[Glumglowworm]

Totally no brainer to replace the retail job with the better paying and more convenient PA one

[Flokidoki]

He's not usually inconsiderate but he does have a slightly skewed view that we should work as hard as each other (I don't disagree in principle) but has always struggled, despite the income I make freelancing, to really understand that working from home is actually work and not me at home watching TV.

I know he is currently very unhappy in his job and wants to leave but my income is about to increase substantially so it's not like I'd be adverse to him taking a pay cut if it meant he was happier at work.

[fantasmasgoria1]

It does seem as though he just wants the money! Tell him to get an extra job! Stop the retail job it makes sense

[Flokidoki]

With discount I still have to pay 60+ per month to have an in season uniform at the retail job too.

Childcare will go from 120pw to 72 if I stopped the retail.

I'm going to write down all the figures to show him.

[ToesInWater]

Definitely give up the retail job. If sounds like your DH is resentful of the fact that you have some flexibility and will make you feel guilty for dropping any paid work if he thinks you can do it all.

[Jerseysilkvelour]

It's a no brainer to give up the retail job, especially as you will be much financially better off anyway by doing the PA job.

If your DH wants that job so badly, maybe he could do it....

Also you're busy enough don't burn yourself out for £126/m. Look after yourself and your health, you'll be no use to anyone if you burn out.

[IdaDown]

I’m a big fan of spreadsheets

Make sure you include time colums that includes travel (so total time out of house) and time spent with DD.

All the ‘little’ costings (petrol, wear and tear, parking, uniform etc...) all add up.

I’d also be inclined to do a spreadsheet of all the non-paid household stuff!

[Flokidoki]

I've just written down what I worked last week

4.30-6.30am: writing/editing

8.00am-4.30pm: freelance OR travelling (leaving 9.30)and doing a shift at shop

6.30-8.30: freelance

9-10/11.30: writing/editing

The new job would have to fit into that nightmare of a schedule. I'm not sure it's even possible!

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

I would definitely give up the retail job. I have two jobs at present, one full time and then a weekend job, and volunteer, and am a union rep. I get paid time from work for the union work but a lot is still done in my own time, to make everything got together. I am considering giving up the volunteering, and my DH thinks I should also give up my weekend job, because we don't need the money really.

I'm reluctant to give up the extra money (even though it's only about £300 pm) because I remember the days when we didn't have a penny to rub together and relied on that money, so want to keep that stream of income open in case things change in the future with DH having to give up work. I wonder if your DH has similar reservations to me? I think the spreadsheet idea showing your workings would be good, it would help to reassure me if I were in the position where we wouldn't really be any worse off.

[kittytom]

Definitely give up the retail job!

I also have a hard time persuading DH that anything I do from home is actual work.

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

works together not got together.

[RiotAndAlarum]

Retail, definitely. It's a high-cost, time-demanding and probably physically taxing (given the arthritis) way to make your income.

[Flokidoki]

I do understand that, however I'm replacing that income and some. Plus there'll soon be income from the books.

For the three years that I've freelanced I've never taken home less than £400 and that's only happened twice. 1200 has been my average for the past twelve months and I'm managing that on three days work a week.

In contrast DH works 8.30-4 with half hour travel each way Monday to Friday.

He does contribute to household chores (but not really a fair split as he sees the cleaner as me slacking off which is a separate issue entirely) but it does make me wonder if to him I'm not contributing an equal amount both practically and financially?

[BitOutOfPractice]

The more you say about him, the worse he sounds tbh.

[Flokidoki]

I know. It doesn't sound great does it?

Hopefully this will be an opportunity for us to reevaluate how we've got used to living recently and make some changes. I don't want to be absent from my life. I'd not realised how much this was worrying me until today.

(Also, if anyone is wondering I'm off today because of a hospital appointment. It's good though as it's given me the chance to stop and think!)

[PurranormalCativity]

To me this goes beyond the financial aspects and onto your physical & mental health and happiness. Three jobs is a lot for anyone, where would your free time / family time be? Sod keeping the retail job while you settle in to the new one - if your new one doesn't work out I'm sure you'd look for another. I don't understand why your husband would want you to exhaust yourself with 3 jobs!

[BitOutOfPractice]

The cleaner is you slacking off. Not him

[Flokidoki]

I don't have the cleaner and then not do anything! I do at least an hour housework every day (tidying, laundry, top up cleaning) and spend 4 hours on a Sunday cooking and meal prepping to make all the meals for the week ahead. In contrast DH vacuums (I can't), changes the bed, and takes the bins out.

Time with DD is pretty non-existent at the moment.

Anyway, I've written my notice and will be handing it in tomorrow.

Financially, we could survive comfortably with just one of us working. Neither of us want to not work but I think, thinking beyond the initial AIBU, this has highlighted a huge imbalance in some areas that we need to have a conversation about.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Sorry op my last post should’ve been an incredulous question not a statement. Sorry

He clearly sees the house and childcare as your responsibility. As well as working three jobs and writing a book.

So yes, you go need a chat I’d say. Quite a loud one.

[Dragongirl10]

Ermm Op you do much more than your fair share!!

Your DD needs your time too, other posters are correct give your DH a wake up call!

[MountainDweller]

Glad you are giving up the retail. I hope it will help with your health. It sounds like you are definitely doing more than your share both in terms of running the house and working.

I wasn’t sure if I should mention this, because it sounds like you will be working full time anyway with the writing and the office job, but if you did need extra money you’d presumably be better off trying to build up your freelance writing work, as it would pay better than the retail and no travel time involved (freelance writer/editor here ).

[billabye]

Resign from the retail job. Your DH can then apply for it if he thinks it’s so important