I’ve been with my OH for 7 years. We have a 6yr old son, a 2 yr old daughter and a 15 month old daughter. I do everything. Cooking, cleaning, childcare, shopping, dressing, bathing, homework, school runs, bedtime. I’m also breastfeeding my youngest. I am a stay at home Mum and he works 9-5 Monday to Friday. He comes home from work expects his dinner to be ready for him coming in. Will walk straight in at around 6pm, without saying hello roll himself a cigarette make a cup of coffee and walk straight back outside to smoke. I think he should have a smoke before he comes in and I’m not going to begrudge him a coffee. He’ll then complain that dinner isn’t sitting waiting for him. I have two separate school runs. My 6 yr old is in a school an hours walk away with no buses and I don’t drive. He’s in school 9-2. My two yr old is in a preschool nursery programme 12.30 to 3. Takes about 20 minutes to walk to but an hour to get home as she refuses to use the buggy board or get in a pram. I then have snacks and homework’s to do when we do get home at around 4. While they are in school I’m making lunches, putting baby for a nap and doing laundry or cleaning. Dinner is on the table by half 6 every evening so we can have dinner baths and bedtime routines sorted by 8pm. Once all three children are in bed he goes out. For hours. He left today at half 7 and didn’t get back home until half 12. He’s normal out until around 11/12 every night. I don’t know where he goes and he won’t tell me. He barely interacts with our children and when he does it’s to tell them off or shouting for no reason. His temper is getting out of control. He only pays attention to me when he wants sex otherwise I’m ignored huffed at or shouted at for doing something he doesn’t like. I’m exhausted. Haven’t had a full nights sleep in 3 years. Haven’t had an evening off mummy duty since the end of June. The baby used to take a bottle but now blantently refuses because he stopped giving me one evening a week and one night out a month.
I have tried talking to him. Telling him what I need from him. I’ve kicked him out. He’s promised to change and has short term but then it goes straight back. I’ve been told his cheated on me but he swears he hasn’t. I’ve never fully believed him but I loved him and was willing to move past it for our children and because I wanted things to work out.
Last night I didn’t resist sex. I had an itch and it needed scratched. Sorry if that’s TMI but it is what it is. To begin with it was fine because I was able to switch off but in the middle of it, I came to the very hard realisation that it wasn’t doing anything for me. There was no connection. It’s the first time I have ever DTD and it have no meaning what so ever. I realised that I love him but I am not in love with him anymore. He isn’t remotely the person I fell in love with. It’s like every good redeeming quality he had is gone. I am devastated. But I don’t know what to do. I have only ever been with him. I don’t even know how to end it with him. So I have 2 Aibu questions.
- Aibu to think that there is anything salvageable? That if he really truly changed for the better and put my children and me before anything else in his life that we could work this out? Or is it really and truly over. Now that I’m not in love with him is that it?
- AiBU to ask for advice on how to break up with him? He has always been able to talk me round. Telling me that he’ll change but doesn’t. Or tells me I’m the only thing he has going for him in his life and he can’t live without me. That he has no meaning and would kill himself! I don’t want that guilt if he were to take his own life.
I know this is a really long post so I appreciate any one that has made it to the end. I literally don’t know what else to do
, you are worth so so much more than this.