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To want to know what the school are going to do about physical violence and assault to my child?

(32 Posts)
sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 10:49:19

I posted here as hoping to get some quick replies.

There has been two separate issues, 1 - a girl out my daughter in a head lock at school, push her up against a wall and tried to strangle her. The child has been told off as far as I know but the school didn’t even inform me that this had happened. This is assault and I would expect to be told.

2 - a big pinched my child twice in the belly before the school holidays and yesterday threatened to beat her up, during lunch he told her I’ll get you later not now as we are in the hall. My daughter cried her eyes out last night and didn’t want to go to school this morning.

I have gone into the school this morning and spoke with the deputy head, he said he will speak with my daughter and the child involved.

My child was in such a state I don’t think physical violence and threats should be tolerated in school. I also feel like the school try to minimize any issues to protect their school reputation, which I understand but my child was scared to go to school today.

So I would like to know what you would expect the outcome to be with both children in this situation. I am wondering if perhaps the school should arrange a meeting between me and the other parents to discuss this and ensure this doesn’t happen again.

If I went and put someone in a head lock and push them against a wall and tired to strangle them I would expect the police to be called. I’m not saying they should call the police for this child but surely something more than just telling them off should happen?

scurryfunge Wed 01-Nov-17 10:53:23

If the bully is over 10 and you don't have faith in how the school is dealing with it, you can involve the police. I wouldn't engage with the other parents as the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 11:01:48

Am I right I’m thinking the school should have informed me that another child tried to strangle my daughter?

What would you find acceptable for the school to do following that incident and the other child threatening her to the point where she didn’t want to go to school?

mirime Wed 01-Nov-17 11:04:18

I also feel like the school try to minimize any issues to protect their school reputation, which I understand

No, don't understand it. Their reputation should never take priority over their pupils. I was in that situation, in a school that cared about it's reputation above all else and despite it's fantastic reputation it was a crap school. A good school should not cover up this sort of thing.

Pickleypickles Wed 01-Nov-17 11:09:17

How old is your child? Physical assault is wrong and shoukd never be taken lightly but is they are 5 and you havent been informed its more wrong than if she is 15 as the school would probably pressume the child would tell you.

sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 11:11:21

Mirime - when I said I understand I meant i understand they are trying to protect their reputation but I don’t accept it! That’s why I’m trying to work out what would be appropriate steps for them to make after these children have done this to my dd

sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 11:12:06

My daughter is 10 she is in year 6 so the children in her year are 10 or 11

babybarrister Wed 01-Nov-17 11:12:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1471548375 Wed 01-Nov-17 11:14:39

So you went to the school this morning and the deputy head is going to speak to the children involved I.e. Investigate the incident.

I'd expect exactly that to happen.

Regards incident one - yes, I'd want the whole story from the school.

sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 11:19:05

User - the thing is the deputy head didn’t seem too bothered by it while my child was scared to go to school today and now I’m left worrying about her all day as I don’t want her to spend the day being scared!

mirime Wed 01-Nov-17 12:04:01

sosofedupnow ok, sorry, that phrase was like a red rag to a bull for me, even all these years later! I'd have hoped schools would have moved on from that.

sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 12:15:12

Well unfortunately they havnt moved on, they talk a good talk but actually I don’t think they want to make a big deal out of behavior like I have listed above to protect their schools name! I don’t care about their schools name I care about my child. And actually if My child was being violent towards another child I would want to know as I would feel it’s an issue that I need to deal with for my child and the other child’s sake. I feel like they want to sweep everything under the carpet and I’m fuming

soapboxqueen Wed 01-Nov-17 12:27:28

The school should inform parents if there has been a significant incident. I would expect them to investigate what happened, report back to me and put in place measures to minimise the chances of a reoccurrence. I would not expect to have a meeting with the other parents (high chance it won't end well) or know about any thing put in place for the other child (it's their private info).
You need to give the school time to do these things. If they don't then you can make an official complaint to the Head.

sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 13:42:01

So do you think it’s is unfair for me to ask exactly what action took place with the child that put my daughter in a headlock?

I have a strong feeling that it was just that the teachers spoke to the girl and told her off and that’s it. I feel that her parents should have been informed and so should I.
If my daughter put someone in a headlock I would want to know and there would be consequences for her behavior.

Pickleypickles Wed 01-Nov-17 13:45:39

Not unfair at all. In fact i would say you have a right to no what action was/wasnt taken.
Can you go back in on pickup and ask for a proper meeting with the head or her teacher?

steppemum Wed 01-Nov-17 13:52:17

There are lots of things here.
1. a school cannot tell you what they are doing with another child as it breaks that child's confidentiality, so they can say the incident has been dealt with and child punished, but they don't have ot tell you any more.
2. I don't think any school would ever get two sets of parents in to talk about and issues, that would leave to huge problems, for the same reason,if I knew the other child, I would not speak to the parents, but always go through the school.
3. Bullying is defined by an action being repeated, and there will be some difference between how they deal with a one off incident compared with a repeated incident.
4. The phrase you need to use with the school is they need to safeguard your child who seems to be on the reciving end of more than one incident. Ask what steps they are taking to safeguard all the children.

I would want to know when and how these occurred, eg in the lunch queue? In class? In playground? I think that also helps to work out how to keep your daughter safe.
It is really hard without being there, and without knwoing the kids involved, to know how serious the headlock incident is, I know some kids rough play and it gets out of hand, which is very different to an unprovoked attack.

Yes, I would want to knwo about the headlock incident, I think my dds schools would tell me, and would tell the other parent and would also let us know that the perpetrators have been punished.

Skinandbones Wed 01-Nov-17 13:59:22

I think the school is lacking in dealing with this, as a mum and a former TA i will explain what my school proceeded would have been.
I would have expected your daughter to get checked by a first aider and for it to be noted down, neck injuries don't always come out at the time. They should have keep her somewhere with a member of staff, away from the other child. Both mum should have been phoned and an option to pick up your daughter. A meeting should have been arranged for you the next day. I wouldn't have expected to see the other child in school until a meeting could have been arranged with her mum. High schools often have a police officer attached, might be worth asking.
It's all about safeguarding pupils, if you don't get any joy you always have the options of taking it to the goveners. Hope you daughter gets sorted out.

soapboxqueen Wed 01-Nov-17 14:04:16

You can ask but they shouldn't tell you anything about the other child. In many ways what the punishment is or isn't is irrelevant to you. All you need to know about is that it won't happen again.

soapboxqueen Wed 01-Nov-17 14:07:15

Skin the OPs child is in a primary school. I've never known any primary to have such a process in place.

soapboxqueen Wed 01-Nov-17 14:29:25

Sorry I should clarify. I've never known a primary school to have such a policy as a first port of call. There are many factors that combine to create either a minimal silly incident or a really serious assault. Staff would decide on a case by case basis of what should happen next.

Bunnychopz Wed 01-Nov-17 14:34:46

Email them and ask what punishments have been put in place. And mention that you are considering contacting the police as you as very concerned.

spanieleyes Wed 01-Nov-17 14:49:34

The school should tell you that " an appropriate punishment has been put in place" but not what ( although your child/the whole class will soon know as these things get round school like wildfire! ) if you intend to call the police, then do so- you are well within your rights. But don't use it as a threat towards the school if you don't want to carry it out. The majority of schools would have no problems with you doing so, it often makes their job easier!

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 01-Nov-17 15:10:16

I'd be calling the police with no qualms at all. Putting someone in a head lock and strangling them and also punching someone in the stomach is assault for which there should be highly severe consequences.
Your dd is in school to learn and be nurtured. Not to be strangled and punched by little horrors.
In my opinion you should have been told as soon as it happened.

sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 15:30:16

Skin - thank you for advising on your schools procedure! I know that my daughters school hasn’t done any of that. They have spoken with my daughter and the other child which I assume means she was told off. They didn’t inform me of what happened when I expect them to and I very much doubt they have spoken with the other child’s parents angry

sosofedupnow Wed 01-Nov-17 15:58:06

The girl that put my dd in a head lock was in the year below (but is much taller than dd) so she may only be 9 or 10 and when I checked online it said if children are 10 or above then you can call the police.

But I don’t really want to call the police I would hope that the school would deal with it correctly

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