I am 11 weeks pregnant with my second child. DD is 2 1/2. With her I suffered horribly from Hyperemesis Gravidarum. I struggled to eat anything at all because the nausea was so debilitating from about 5 weeks to about 13 weeks, when I started to recover. To give you an idea how bad it was, I weighed 10 stone 3 lbs when I got pregnant and was 8 1/2 stone by 10 weeks pregnant. I had nearly 2 months off work. It was horrendous.
This time around, I anticipated I'd be ill again (HG has an 85% chance of reoccuring). At the first sign of nausea, I went to the doctors and was put on antiemetics. As soon as the nausea became debilitating I was signed off work. The trick to stop HG escalating is early medication and rest, rest, rest. I've been sleeping as much as I can and have only left the house for doctor and hospital appointments. Whilst I've still had constant nausea it isn't as bad as before and I've only lost half a stone. I've been living on toast, crackers and weetabix for about 6 weeks.
Obviously this has meant that my OH has had to step up and take over much of the childcare for DD, especially at the weekend. But my Mum and my in-laws have also been great - taking/picking up DD from nursery, doing all the laundry and cooking OH the odd meal. So he hasn't had to fend completely for himself.
My issue is how resentful he's been of me over the whole thing. He's constantly in a mood with me, really snappy, and has called me 'lazy' and said that 'at least you get to sit around all day' more than once. It's his baby I'm carrying and he saw how sick I was before but he seems like he couldn't care less about me. My DM and MIL see if I need anything bringing in, try to encourage me to eat and drink, ask how I'm feeling. DH does none of those things.
I've been sleeping for about 10-12 hours a night, partly from exhaustion and partly because of the medication. Every single day at the weekend my OH wakes me up and asks if I can get up with our DD so he 'can have a lie in'. I've tried to explain that I'm not able to run around after a lively toddler at the moment but he doesn't get it. I don't know why because the few times we've had to leave the house (for scans etc. I've ended up retching on the way home).
Don't get me wrong, I'm not doing NOTHING. I lay with DD while she goes to sleep (which is about an hour) and read her books or play lego/cars when I feel up to it. But movement is my enemy so I really struggle with bath time, playing generally, driving etc.
If this follows the same pattern as with DD, I should start to feel better in about 2 weeks (and will no doubt be expected to take over all the childcare, cooking, shopping, laundry etc again then).
So, AIBU to expect my OH to just step up and be lead parent for these couple of months I'm ill? And AIBU to expect him to do it without resenting me?
AIBU?
To expect my OH to look after DD while I'm sick?
StepAwayFromGoogle · 15/10/2017 16:12
He sounds like a peach 
I've had HG this time and I don't think people really get it. I have to explain it's like having travel sickness or norovirus 24/7 for months on end. Even my, normally very helpful and understanding DH started to get a bit cheesed off and I made it very plain that he'd have to step up or we'd have to reconsider what we were doing as I physically couldn't continue with normal life. He did.
Perhaps you need a very frank and straightforward conversation with him.
Hard one
In an ideal world, of course he should step up and take over....
However, he probably is exhausted himself if he's working full time and doing everything at home
What do you think single parents do?
OP of course he should step up and do everything to help. HG is deliberating and, imo, could be classed as a disability (I'm lucky to not have suffered but my sister has had 18 months of it throughout 2 pregnancies)
Men often don't believe it's as bad or you are as ill as you say because it's not a "disease".... it's pregnancy. Never mind you actually feeling like death. At least you have help and consideration from the women in your family. I take it he wanted another child too?
Maybe when you get chance, find a way to tell him just how grateful you are for all that he is doing, that you couldn't have contemplated doing this again without his support, acknowledge how hard he is working to hold things together etc... Hopefully it will only be another week or two.
Perhaps you just have to accept a bit of snappiness/grumpy on his part if he is tired and feels put out... Unfortunately there tends to be less sympathy and treating you like you're made of glass on a second pregnancy anyway.
Your alternative is to pointedly try to push through the nausea, dramatically retching and vomiting all over the place.... Just to prove you're not lazy. Maybe vomit in his dinner/shoes/clean washing to prove the point? It depends how grown up you want to be about it.
Hope you're feeling much better soon 
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