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AIBU?

Wibu about DD tantrum?

46 replies

FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 20/09/2017 18:09

I'll try and keep this as brief as possible, but apologies if it's a ramble.

I've been on MN for years, but have recently changed accounts; obligatory 'proof' - naice ham, cutted up pear, cancel the cheque.

In the past few weeks I have had to force DD (nearly 3) into her pram, three times. Once was because she was restless and disruptive (climbing over the back of benches, lying on the floor, banging glasses off the table), in a busy cafe while we were waiting for our lunch to arrive, that I told her we would have to leave if she didn't sit down. I had offered her a banana while we waited for her lunch, so I don't think she was starving hungry. She also had a drink. She kept misbehaving and I felt I had to folllw through with the punishment and scooped her up and walked home, where we had lunch.

The second time, was when we had to leave the beach where she was paddling, fully clothed. I went to take her hand to help her out of the sea, she ran off laughing and fell flat on her face in the sea. I picked her up, but she still thought this was hilarious and ran off again, so I scooped her up and put her in her pram. No mean feat. I am pregnant, she is strong and quite big for her age and was in an utter rage at having to leave. Also, she was probably uncomfortable being soaked through. I did take off as much of her wet clothes as I could and wrapped her up in my jacket and jumper, but she was still very upset.

Then this afternoon, we had to go and pick up a prescription at the doctors. DD wanted to walk there, which we did, but I also took the pram in case we needed it. I can't really carry her now if she gets tired due to pregnancy. I told her before we left the house that she must hold my hand as there are busy roads on the way. She said she understood, but then played up the whole way there; swinging off my arm, letting go of my hand and running off, lying on the pavement, picking up bits of god knows what from the ground and trying to eat random plants and berries. Eventually we got to the doctors and pharmacists. When we were ready to leave, I asked her if she wanted to walk home, or go in the pram. She said she wanted to walk, so I reiterated that she had to hold my hand and walk properly or she would have to go in the pram. She then played up again the whole way. I eventually said that was enough and she had to get in her pram. I scooped her up and spent the next ten to fifteen minutes trying to get her in the pram while she screamed, threw things, pushed over the pram, (very busy road, so this was dangerous), pulled the hood off the pram, climbed out of the pram and repeat. It was awful and I felt like crying myself. Eventually I got her in and put peppa pig on my phone which seemed to keep her in there for the rest of the journey home, though she was still crying while watching it. We got home and she was suddenly fine.

I feel like I've massively fucked up and I can't pinpoint why. Hence me posting on aibu! Help please.

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opheliacat · 20/09/2017 18:12

I thimk you are expecting too much. A child this age isn't bejng naughty by playimg in the cafe or on the beach. Likewise with the walking, she wln't have understood distance. You need to make those calls for her.

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Chaotica · 20/09/2017 18:13

I don't think you're messing up. She sounds like a fairly typical three year old. You have my sympathy. Just be consistent and as calm as you can and keep insisting. If necessary, get a wrist strap or reins so she can't run off but can still walk.

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DearMrDilkington · 20/09/2017 18:15

It's normal behaviour, but I wouldn't start giving her your phone when she plays up, it'll make the tantrums more frequent if she thinks she gets it every time.

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FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 20/09/2017 18:16

I don't think I called her naughty did I? The responsibility is all mine, not hers. I just want to know what to do.

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Sirzy · 20/09/2017 18:16

That sounds like typical behaviour.

In the cafe you did right. Behaviour wasn't acceptable so you warned her then left.

The beach the consequences of her not listening and running was the fall

The walking if she runs off then straight in the pram. Make that clear before you leave. Maybe invest in a little life backpack type thing to keep her safe.

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Xeneth88 · 20/09/2017 18:17

I can't see anything you've fucked up on! Toddlers can be tiny little satans. You are pregnant, tired and probably (dare I say it) a bit hormonal. You did fine, she's just being 3, it will get easier even though it doesn't feel like it. You did fine, you're doing fine. Give youself a break! :) I'd offer more advice but DS was a nightmare at 3, then each day he got older and understood more and it was easier. I hope you're ok.

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opheliacat · 20/09/2017 18:17

You didn't call her naughty but you talk of consequences which suggests she is purposefully misbehaving, she isn't.

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AlternativeTentacle · 20/09/2017 18:17

Get some reins, and yes stop treating her when she plays up!

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DearMrDilkington · 20/09/2017 18:18

Remember she will be feeling very anxious about the new baby which won't be helping. Make a reward chart for her and she gets a sticker to put on it every time she's good when your out.

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FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 20/09/2017 18:19

Thanks. I did wonder about the phone at the time, but I honestly just wanted to get her safely in her pram before she threw herself into the road (she'd thrown her toy there), so caved and placated her. Probably an error.

When are they too old for reins? No other child I know of the same age uses them, but maybe that's down to personality?

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DearMrDilkington · 20/09/2017 18:21

She's a perfect age for reins.

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Sirzy · 20/09/2017 18:21

I would have said 3 was the perfect age for reigns as they want to be up and walking but don't understand road safety etc well enough so they are an extra safety measure

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FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 20/09/2017 18:23

She's definitely got a lot going on; new baby, recently started nursery and recently started wearing pants instead of nappies every day, (though we've been doing in the house potty training for ages).

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paxillin · 20/09/2017 18:30

You handled it perfectly well. I second PPs about not giving her the phone after a blow up.

Especially the last situation, you did the only possible thing you could. hand holding, reins or pram. There is a mnetter who lost a toddler who was hit by a car when she ran off. You just have to take the tantrum in such situations.

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ooooopsupsideyahead · 20/09/2017 18:36

Naughty....misbehaving....it's all semantics.

She acting age appropriate. My son is 3.2 and there are times I'm at my wits end

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Thebluedog · 20/09/2017 18:37

Oh just had a cold shiver reading that, sounds exactly like my dc when they were 3, an absolute pain in the arse. She's just testing boundaries and you're doing exactly the right thing by giving her consequences and following through. Give in once and it'll be 10x worse next time - so imo you're doing great

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Horriblehistories · 20/09/2017 18:39

All sounds normal to me. Get some reins.

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Horriblehistories · 20/09/2017 18:43

And you haven't fucked up. My 2 year old is EXACTLY the same. Many an outing I've felt like crying with frustration and embarrassment.

Reins really are fantastic.

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readsalotgirl63 · 20/09/2017 18:43

I agree with others here - she is being 3 and it can be very hard work - but definitely get some reins.

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FindTheLightSwitchDarren · 20/09/2017 18:53

I've got some reins somewhere which were hand-me-downs we haven't tried. I'll give them a go tomorrow. I hope they do the trick!

paxillin

That's just awful and I can see how easily it could happen. I hate living near busy roads with a toddler.

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paxillin · 20/09/2017 18:58

And most of the people looking at you will think "thank god mine are older now". The few who will stare or comment often have no kids or had someone else doing the actual upbringing (nanny, partner etc).

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Wallywobbles · 20/09/2017 21:26

I've been there. DD1 was a runner. Wouldn't hold hands etc. Being seriously consistent with consequences is the only way. But also keep going out lots so she gets to practice being good. Try to keep waiting around short though.

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Crispbutty · 20/09/2017 21:32

Reins are your answer. The beach was just her having fun. The other two situations have the potential to be dangerous and reins while walking near traffic could be the difference between life and death. You aren't doing anything wrong and at her age neither is she, but you need to have the control which reins will give you. :)

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waterrat · 20/09/2017 21:34

Oh god OP all normal parents would sometimes use peppa pig to calm a kid down and get them into a buggy. Only on mumsnet do people judge that sort of thing.

Shes only 3! Her behavior sounds totally normal and i really would not put reigns on a 3 yr old.

You sound like you did thr right things and you are just tired ! All sounds very normal to me and you did what you could to keep her safe. I mean if you have the patience you could let her roll about on the floor etc !

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waterrat · 20/09/2017 21:35

I mean...Op you are pregnant and needed to get her to calm down.peppa pig was invented for such moments.

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