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Rogue friend has gone manic

(42 Posts)
MoiraRosesMeltdown Tue 19-Sep-17 13:26:33

I have a friend whose behaviour and attitude are really bothering me. I used to really enjoy her company but now I find myself increasingly irritated.
She never compliments anyone, but shows people her new clothes, decor and cars as if she's expecting praise. She's become very self absorbed and talks about work all the time. She's had a promotion and her Facebook page is full of pictures of her at her desk looking senior.
She also said recently that my job (I've done for almost 10 years) is a great entry level position. I felt extremely patronised. She said she'd never be a single parent (I am), She said she wished I could find a kind man like her husband (don't want or need a man. Her husband is serially unfaithful), and everything I mention is responded with something about her.
"That's why I bought a BMW", "My friend's son went to your DD's school and they all thought it was awful", "I am very disciplined" and the classic "I don't mind when people don't fancy me".
She used to be lovely, thoughtful, understanding and kind. She now feels shallow and superficial.
I'm trying to cut her out, but I'm worried that something is wrong. She has never been the kind of person who says anything negative about herself or her life so I have no way of knowing.
AIBU to just avoid her?

coffeekittens Tue 19-Sep-17 13:28:36

Keep a wide birth, she sounds very insecure.

splendidglenda Tue 19-Sep-17 13:29:47

Sounds like she's trying to mask her true feelings of unhappiness

Sienna333 Tue 19-Sep-17 13:39:23

She sounds jealous of you.

Hissy Tue 19-Sep-17 13:42:58

she's bigging herself up because her husband is cheating on her and she can't face it.

to make herself feel better, she is trashing those around her. you.

Pull her up on it once and for all.

Ask her why she is being such a bitch to you and would she rather you not be her friend?

Sparklesocks Tue 19-Sep-17 13:46:27

If you're not getting anything back from the friendship it might be time to let it fade out. Friends should enrich and make your life better, not the opposite.

EssentialHummus Tue 19-Sep-17 13:47:57

^what they said. Anyone happy with themselves doesn't act like this. It's simply insecurity.

hellsbellsmelons Tue 19-Sep-17 13:48:00

I love that she would 'never be a single parent'
LOL - you will be when your faithless feckless husband buggers off with a younger and you have no choice!
Dick-head (her not you)
Tell her that! She'll soon cut you out so you don't have to worry then.

splendidglenda Tue 19-Sep-17 13:48:08

Agree with Hissy^^

hellsbellsmelons Tue 19-Sep-17 13:48:16

younger MODEL!!!

PollyFlint Tue 19-Sep-17 13:51:14

You obviously loathe her so why on earth would you still be friends with her?

Friendships are for people you actually like. You're not obliged to be friends with people just because you happen to know them, or used to be friends with them in the past, or because they are friends with some other people you know. If you don't like someone, don't spend time with them.

XJerseyGirlX Tue 19-Sep-17 13:52:01

yep, agree with Hissy. Only miserable people feel the need to boast and put people down.

JimLahey Tue 19-Sep-17 13:56:52

She sounds really insecure however she shouldn't treat her friend like that. No excuses!

MrsOverTheRoad Tue 19-Sep-17 14:02:03

I've just dumped a friend like this.

She was AWFUL!

I have only known her for two years through mutual friends and I've NEVER in all my adult life met someone so blind!

Just cut contact! Stop answering calls and texts.

It feels GREAT!

Nikephorus Tue 19-Sep-17 14:04:10

And your replies should be:
full of pictures of her at her desk looking senior "I feel so sorry for you never getting away from work - that's the great thing about having an "entry-level" job, I get plenty of time to actually enjoy life grin"
she'd never be a single parent "probably for the best - I doubt you'd cope"
she wished I could find a kind man like her husband "serial adulterers aren't my type thanks"
I am very disciplined "I prefer to get the right balance - being too rigid isn't good for you"
I don't mind when people don't fancy me "Probably a good job too" + tinkly laugh
My friend's son went to your DD's school and they all thought it was awful "Yes, it does tend to appeal to the more intelligent / gifted / sporty (pick your preferred adjective) children"
Turn it back on her every time. It won't improve your friendship but you'll enjoy yourself grin

SemiNormal Tue 19-Sep-17 14:06:34

I feel sorry for her, as others have said it's likely the result of her husbands multiple affairs. Her self esteem must be shattered - not that it gives her the right to pull others down of course and you should absolutely pull her up on it. You'd be doing her a favour, it's entirely possible she's not even realising how much she's doing it or how hurtful it is.

guilty100 Tue 19-Sep-17 14:07:46

She's not manic or insensitive, she's actively horrible. Only you're too nice to realise it.

I have a friend, A, who has recently been changed by money to become a self-centred, princessey, self-aggrandizing nightmare and she says similar things. We recently had lunch with another friend of mine, B, who was coming as a massive favour to be questioned by A about something A is interested in and B knows about. B could only spare 45 minutes, and A was all snooty about having a "job" that required attendance in certain "hours". I was hmm.

It's really hurtful to accept that someone you love has changed so totally, but I'm now quietly distancing myself. I'd advise you to do the same. Though old ties are hard to break, and there is something mesmerising about seeing how deeply someone can change, it's not worth it in the end.

Aeroflotgirl Tue 19-Sep-17 14:09:16

I would start stepping right back from this friendship, at this rate she is going to have no friends.

Fairyflaps Tue 19-Sep-17 14:09:26

When she's saying she'd never be a single parent, it's not about you - it's her justifying to herself staying in a relationship with a husband who is serially unfaithful to her. She's so busy trying to put a bright face on her own situation, unfortunately she's blind/ indifferent to anyone else.

What you do depends on how good a friend she was before, when she was thoughtful, understanding and kind. If she wasn't really, no harm in cutting all ties.

If she was a friend and you feel this behaviour is new and out of character, I would take a step back from the relationship (if only to avoid saying something to her that you can't take back) but keep the lines of communication open for when it all falls apart she comes round.

spermbrows Tue 19-Sep-17 14:10:08

@Nikephorus 😂😂😂 these are gold.

Op I agree that calling her out next time she says something nasty is the way to go.

overnightangel Tue 19-Sep-17 14:14:20

What Hissy said ^^

PressForPancakes Tue 19-Sep-17 14:14:29

YABU to use the term 'manic' when what you really mean is 'arrogant and unpleasant' hmm

ButchyRestingFace Tue 19-Sep-17 14:15:34

She said she wished I could find a kind man like her husband (don't want or need a man. Her husband is serially unfaithful)

Come now, OP, your answer is right there.

Not saying you should put up with her behaviour - I wouldn't - but surely it must be blindingly obvious what the issue is and how she's trying to cope with it?

MoiraRosesMeltdown Tue 19-Sep-17 14:41:13

I'm not sure she knows about her husband. I suspect she knows about one of the women. Everyone in our industry knows. Women warn each other about being alone in rooms with him

Hissy Tue 19-Sep-17 14:43:17

The next time she's a bitch to you, call her out on it. face to face and in private of course.

If I were you I would ask what it is that is bothering her in her own life so badly that she has completely changed from being a good friend to being a resentful, bitter and one-uppy cow and that you'd like your old mate back please, and how can you help to get that mate back?

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