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AIBU?

Should I have challenged this mum at the park or was I right to apologise?

32 replies

cardboardboxx · 22/08/2017 16:54

At the local park today with ds6 and dd4. My 3 year old niece was with us too. There's a medium sized tunnel slide and my niece followed another child (about 5 years old) straight down the slide. I had already said to my own two to go down with her.

Anyway, they must've got a bit stuck and the 5 year olds mum shot up the slide shouting at my children for following her down. The child had shorts on so may have got a bit of friction burn going down although nothing was visible. When they came out of the slide the mum said things like 'why did you come down, why didnt you wait, why are you pushing her?' At this point I apologised to the mum who ignored me. I then said to my children that they should always wait till the other children get to the bottom and to say sorry which they did. I then said to the mum that I'm sorry it had happened and that they were just following my niece down because it was her first time. (If they sit with their legs open they can slide down together) she then said thank you for saying sorry but continued ranting to her friend, at which point at walked away.

I hate confrontation and just wanted to get away but part of me feel a like i should've said that they weren't doing it to be mean as we go there all the time and there has never been an incident. It was a busy day and people saw her shouting so I just wanted to get away!

Oh I should add that the child didn't seem to be distressed in any way

OP posts:

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WishingOnABar · 22/08/2017 17:00

You were right to apologise because it shows good will but she sounds incredibly uptight. Kids play on slides and sometimes crash into each other in play areas, if none of the children were injured then there was no harm done. Also while I agree adults should be able to tell children off of misbehaving, to continue to shout at your children in your presence is frankly disrespectful

FV45 · 22/08/2017 17:00

I think you did right to apologise as her child got hurt or scared, but you would also have been right to have got a bit fed up if she went on and on about it.

They are all pretty little and are still learning the rules of play. You taught them, and also how to apologise, so it shouldn't happen again. Job done.

I think you did the right thing walking away, you'd said sorry.

kaitlinktm · 22/08/2017 17:01

I wouldn't worry about it - she probably only made herself look silly. What else could you do but apologise (although it wasn't done on purpose - but it is a British thing we do isn't it.)

I know if you don't like confrontation then it is easy to brood on these things but I usually say to myself, give it three days and it will seem like it was ages ago.

Honestly - it's a storm in a teacup, it's just that when you happen to be in that teacup, it can feel very unpleasant.

solarisIsAClassic · 22/08/2017 17:02

I'd have apologised because, if I meant it or not, it was the easy thing to do.

Would you have felt better if you'd challenged her? I suspect not.

BackieJerkhart · 22/08/2017 17:06

Yep you were right to apologise. It diffuses the situation. Challenging her only escalates it. Nobody needs that. It's a tiny collision on a slide, hardly worth anyone ruining their day over. Apologise, move on, forget it. It's nothing. It literally does not matter.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 22/08/2017 17:12

You did the right thing.

That mum was a loony. Or (more likely, let's be honest) having a bad day. She might feel like a right tit about it now.

MaisyPops · 22/08/2017 17:22

The mum was a bit precious if I'm honest. Who acts like that over kids in a slide, which happens all the time?!
I can picture her being the person annoyed if her child gets kicked playing football.

I'd probably have appologised because it's easier but her entire way of dealing with it is a little 'wrap in cotton wool' like.

KimmySchmidt1 · 22/08/2017 17:27

i think you did the right thing - your kids did make a mistake on slide etiquette which was not particularly safe of them. That's no big deal, children make mistakes, and a good way to learn is to witness the impact on others directly.

There is no humiliation in being big enough to admit when your own children have made an error.

Defending them irrationally would have been ridiculous.

Viviennemary · 22/08/2017 17:32

I think you did the right thing. Her child was hurt albeit only slightly. She sounds a bit of a pain.

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2017 17:32

You were right to apologise

I'm not sure what you would have 'challenged' her about?

user789653241 · 22/08/2017 17:34

I also agree you did a right thing.
These things happen, and better to be like you than like the other mum. You don't know who's watching at the local park!
Just forget about it.

diddl · 22/08/2017 17:39

You should have made your niece wait.

If she was OK with being "followed down" that's fine, but not ok to do it to the first kid.

Did all three catch up with the other girl?

cardboardboxx · 22/08/2017 17:49

Yes they did all catch up to the other girl. My niece wasn't in my care so I didn't tell her what to do, just told my own two to stay with her. Next time we go I will make sure they are all told to wait. Don't want to be in that situation again.

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WaxOnFeckOff · 22/08/2017 17:51

These things do stay with you, but I think you did the right thing. Your DC (including your niece) maybe should have waited but no-one was seriously hurt and the child seemed okay, everyone apologised and DC are more aware. You clearly weren't far away letting massive DC run amok, you were close by and a 3 year old made an error of judgement....a 3 year old!

My eldest DS is 17 now and I still remember a playground confrontation from when he was 4. There was one of these spiral water screw things that he was desperate to have a go on. There was a queue, he waited patiently, some kids were on it for ages monopolising whereas if they'd had a shorter turn the queue would have kept moving and they would have got a 2nd turn. Anyway DSs turn finally comes and as I've been standing watching, I am aware of all the above and therefore am there to make sure he takes a nor,al turn and doesn't monopolise. Anyway he has been on it literally 20 seconds and then I see the boy behind trying to push him out the way and grab the handles. I'm just going over when I see DS lift his foot behind him to push the boy away as he doesn't want to take his hands off the handle. I fully appreciate that at this point it's 6 and 2 3s and DS is in the wrong fro lifting his foot to push another child. Anyway, other mother goes raging across and bellows at DS and when I try to say actually it's not just DS but happy to apologise she starts ranting that her child was fed up waiting because DS had been on it for ages. Despite me saying that that simply wasn't true as I'd been specifically watching for that. Then she starts ranting that DS is too old for it and hurting a younger child - turns out her DS was 6 - DS is very tall.

Anyway in the interests of not getting arrested for breach of the peace, I walked off. It still annoys me to this day and I've no idea why!

user789653241 · 22/08/2017 17:56

If your niece wasn't in your care, who was? That person should have dealt with the situation, not you?

Thymeout · 22/08/2017 18:04

'My niece wasn't in my care so I didn't tell her what to do.'

This is the part that puzzles me. Your niece is 3?? Surely, it's wrong to stand on ceremony in these circumstances. If you were the closest adult, of course you would tell her to wait till the slide was empty.

But don't fret about it. Your kids were in the wrong, but it happens. Move on.

cardboardboxx · 22/08/2017 18:26

It's quite a way up the slide so I didn't know they had all gone down together until the incident occurred.

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cardboardboxx · 22/08/2017 18:28

I know mine were in the wrong, it was just the mum's reaction which I felt was a bit OTT

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ScrumpyBetty · 22/08/2017 18:33

Meh, this kind of thing happens, the other mum shouldn't have wasted energy getting worked up about it, no harm was done and she could tell that you were sorry and you had made your kids acknowledge that they should not do this.

wobet · 22/08/2017 18:34

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

minesapintofwine · 22/08/2017 18:43

It was good of you to apologise but the other mum was ott. It was a mountain out of a molehill.

namechanger2735 · 22/08/2017 18:44

I think I see both sides. You're children weren't in the wrong and were just playing! But if her child is used to being around other children in such a close proximity I can see where she's coming from. I don't agree with how she acted at all. You apologised, no one was hurt..get over it lady. But I think if it were my child and I was concerned they were being rushed down the slide I would THINK to myself "that's a bit close" "they need to give her more room" etc, or distract her and push her on the swings or something just to move her away. As another poster said though, she could be having a shitty day and that could have just pushed her over the edge. I'm sure she's feeling like a bit of a dick over it now.

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user789653241 · 22/08/2017 19:34

Still a bit puzzled. So who was looking after your niece if you weren't?
Her mum? What was she doing when this happened?

cardboardboxx · 22/08/2017 19:38

Her grandma, she didn't say anything. Maybe because the shouting was directed at my children I'm not sure. My niece was straight back up the stairs for the slide as my two were spoken to and whilst they apologised. Afterwards she said she would've said something back to her if I wasn't there as she didn't want to embarrass me...i was a bit at this comment.

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user789653241 · 22/08/2017 19:44

You were great. It's no point of showing unnecessary, unpleasant confrontation in front of children. It's clever to walk away.

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