AIBU to ask for help with Eid present

[SomedayMyPrinceWillCome]

There's a little girl in DS's Reception class who he was in nursery with. Her family have had a terrible few years with deaths (including this girl's mum). At Easter the little girl (well her aunt really as the children are age 4) gave my son about 5 Easter eggs. I have bought and wrapped an Eid gift to give her this afternoon (they won't be in school on Monday) but I just need reassurance that this will be ok OK thing to do? I don't know her family very well as they don't speak great English but we say hello every morning & afternoon & exchange pleasantries. I have also got Eid cards for other other children who will be celebrating over the weekend.
Please reassure me.
Obviously she is Muslim & we are not.
Thank you.

[WorraLiberty]

These threads do my head in.

In what world would giving an Eid gift not be OK?

You don't say why?

[SealSong]

I'm not Muslim, but have a muslim DIL. I've just send them a box of edible goodies as an Eid present.
I'm sure your gift and cards will be thought of as a lovely gesture.

[SomedayMyPrinceWillCome]

It's only because I've never given an Eid gift before, TBH I didn't even realise it was a thing until last year

[Groupie123]

It's traditional to give money in red/green/gold envelopes (similar to chinese new year and diwali).

[OuchBollocks]

There's no need to be sarky with the OP, lots of religions and other cultural groups have different rules and customs and it can be easy to unintentionally cause offence. What harm in double checking?

[WorraLiberty]

Ok fair enough, perhaps it's just me being grumpy

But a lot of threads on Mumsnet tend to be very 'othering' towards Muslim parents.

As in....

"I've invited a Muslim child and their mother for a playdate, what should I do? I don't want to offend"

"Shall I lock my dog in the garden?"

"Should I bake a cake"?

It's all done with good intentions, but honestly I don't think I've ever met a Muslim parent who doesn't just want to be treated as all the other school yard parents. In fact it can be very embarrassing for some.

[WorraLiberty]

And actually OuchBollocks, it's this 'fear of causing offence' that embarrasses and pisses most of my Muslim friends off in equal measures.

It makes them sound like such a precious group of people, when in my experience the exact opposite is true.

[Mumski45]

Hi. I am not a muslim but my husband and DS's are. I am sure that your thoughtfulness and gift will be very much appreciated and well received and there is very little chance that it will cause offence.

I also understand why you would look for reassurance with this as it can be easy to offend. However if they have already given out gifts at Easter then this would indicate to me that they are accepting and understanding of other religions and cultures and even if you did make a "cultural error" it would not be taken that way.

[SomedayMyPrinceWillCome]

@mumski45 thank you very much, that was exactly what I was hoping to hear

[OculusReparo]

It's better to ask questions than make presumptions. OP, I think it's a sweet gesture. A box of edible goodies should be fine, could be shop bought or homemade, it's up to you. There's no need to give an envelope with cash unless it's a gift voucher as cash gifts are usually for family and friends. So even though it's well-intentioned, it might be a bit weird giving a cash gift coming from someone you don't know so well if you see what I mean.

And it's perfectly fine to ask questions about pets being kept out of the way for playdates because some kids aren't used to pets, they may have a phobia of cats etc or they may also be allergic to animal fur etc. or parents may have ethical/religious reasons not to keep a pet etc. so it's always good to ask.

[WorraLiberty]

But that's my whole point Oculus

Muslim parents are not one person. There is no point in asking Mumsnet if they should lock the dog in another room. They need to ask the parent in question.

In exactly the same way they would ask a non Muslim parent if they/their kids are OK with dogs.

Most parents I know just want them and their children to be treated like everyone else.

I'm explaining this badly so I'll leave the thread

[user1471598890]

Hi, just wanting to say that's a lovely idea and I'm sure they will be touched by your thoughtfulness. Children are often given Eid presents instead of money( in my experience anyway.) xx

[MissEliza]

Groupie not all Muslims do that. Every country has its own customs. Op, whatever you give, I'm sure it will be gratefully received.

[listsandbudgets]

Well all I can say is that DD is looking forward to Monday because she knows she will come home laden with sweets and small gifts from her Muslim friends. She has in the past bought small gifts fir somw of her closer friends at Eid, Dawali and Christmas and they've always been well received.

Treat people as you yourself would wish to be treated and you are unlikely to cause offence.

Im sure your gift will be appreciated OP

[SomedayMyPrinceWillCome]

Thank you. If anyone is interested, I've bought her a purple unicorn with long hair to brush!!