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AIBU?

About ILs visiting today?

30 replies

crazypenguinlady · 28/05/2017 12:22

I love my in-laws. They are great, don't interfere, feed us up when we visit and always makes nice cakes etc. Just really nice people.

Since DS was born 3 months ago, they obviously visit us a bit more. Generally that's fine,happy to see them, they love DS (first/only grandchild).

However, a few times they have wanted to come down fairly last minute, such as ringing the night before to come down for a out 11/12 the next day. A little irritating at times but okay, I'm happy to facilitate them. Today though I am so annoyed. They called at 10.30am, DP came up to stay they'd like to come down and just leaving. They will be here literally any minute as they live hour and a half away. I am fuming. I am on the go constantly, i planned to have today as downtime. Not worrying about housework, chores. Just mooch around the house and do things in my own time (as much as possible with a 3 month old) most taxing thing was putting a few things away and walk the dog. I wanted ONE DAY and now can't get that. Now I have to put on a smile nd make polite conversation.

We all met last Sunday for a day out so it's not like they haven't seen him for ages. I've done nothing but argue with DP since. He has apologised (didn't even ask if it was okay!) But I am too angry.

Is it so difficult to ask for ONE DAY just to do things of our own accord, no obligations (aside from baby obviously!), just to do nothing? AIBU to be so angry right now?

(Disclaimer: I'm just about to start second AF since giving birth so may be ever so slightly hormonal today )

OP posts:

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ArsenalsPlayingAtHome · 28/05/2017 12:28

YANBU I would feel the same!

Welshmaenad · 28/05/2017 12:28

Send ILs and DH out for a walk with baby and have a nap.

YANBU this would drive me insane as I need my space but they're on their way now so make the best of it then have a discussion with DH about more robust boundaries.

Frankie89 · 28/05/2017 12:40

I'm assuming you're annoyed with your DP rather than his parents? In which case yanbu I guess. His parents haven't really done anything wrong. Actually neither has DP really but he certainly shouldn't be expecting you to facilitate the visit. He's said yes, he should do what's needed.

Trifleorbust · 28/05/2017 12:41

Mine tried this a few weeks ago. I said no. I was exhausted. I always think, would the other person like it if the situation was reversed? And I can't imagine they would.

Dishwashersaurous · 28/05/2017 12:41

Send them straight back out for a walk when they get there

ImperialBlether · 28/05/2017 12:42

I think his parents have done something wrong - they should have given a bit more notice and they should have asked him to check with her whether it was OK.

ememem84 · 28/05/2017 12:42

Nope. Not unreasonable. I hate when stuff like this happens. Can you send them out and still have a day to yourself?

Chloe84 · 28/05/2017 13:18

Frankie89

I'm assuming you're annoyed with your DP rather than his parents? In which case yanbu I guess. His parents haven't really done anything wrong. Actually neither has DP really but he certainly shouldn't be expecting you to facilitate the visit. He's said yes, he should do what's needed.

Erm no, DH and ILs have both done something wrong. ILs basically giving zero notice of a visit and DH not checking with OP before agreeing.

Time to nip this in the bud OP.

Tryingtomakeitwork17 · 28/05/2017 13:25

YANBU at all

crazypenguinlady · 28/05/2017 13:43

Nipped upstairs quickly. I'm annoyed at DP (and he knows it) his parents are great and don't outstay their welcome or anything, I just wanted a day without seeing anyone else. Basically they said that a meeting they had got switched until tomorrow so thought they'd ask if they could come down to see their grandson. To be fair they mentioned if we had planned never change them just for them to visit...but how do I say doing NOTHING was my plans lol. I should also add, something last minute happened last weekend with one of my relatives which meant I had to accommodate them for three extra hours (and I normally have a LOT of time/patience for that relative). I'm not a bad person that refuses family visits, I normally encourage them etc but with more TIME and planning, especially for a social call where i have to sit and talk for hours. DP is generally wonderful btw but even im struggling to let this one go. I'm doing sweet FA tonight.

OP posts:

Frankie89 · 28/05/2017 13:45

Sorry, I disagree. DP's parents called ahead, if OP and her DP didn't want them to come round they could've just said 'sorry, bit short notice and we've already got plans, see you next week though'. If DP's parents had been told this and had shown up anyway, or said 'oh but we're already on our way' then they'd have been unreasonable.

crazypenguinlady · 28/05/2017 13:46

Also accommodating that relative for another three hours was to visit another relative for cup of tea/lunch. They knew baby was in good hands with his dad but there was no consideration for OUR family time together as DP works long hours M-F.

OP posts:

crazypenguinlady · 28/05/2017 13:49

Frankie, I wasn't given much choice in the matter. I was upstairs sorting some stuff out, DP came up and his word were "Don't be mad, my parents want to come and see the baby for a boy, I've said it's fine so they're just leaving now" I could hardly tell them to turn back and not bother, especially when we didn't have plans as such, just chilling (a rare thing these days) around the house.

GTG or they'll think I've fallen down the toilet

OP posts:

Jezzifishie · 28/05/2017 13:57

So he knew he was in the wrong, from the very start - otherwise he wouldn't have said 'don't be mad'. Shows a lack of respect for you, to be honest and he needs that pointing out to him!

ADiane · 28/05/2017 13:58

YANBU id be furious. You need to nip this in the bud as it sounds as though they are getting far too comfortable.

liminality · 28/05/2017 14:00

Just tell them you're exhausted and hand them the baby and go for a kip/bath/play with your phone. If they are as nice as you say they will totally understand!

crazypenguinlady · 28/05/2017 14:09

They've just left a few minutes ago as something has cropped up (they own/run a farm). I'm normally the one that actively encourages a relationship between them and DS. I don't know my dad's side of the family (their choice) so it was extremely important to me that the baby has good bonds with both sides of the family, plus everyone adores him so all good. I nagged DP to ask his mum to come to the 4D scan when I was pregnant (she didn't come in the end as it would have meant a 7 hour round trip), I tell DP to send photos to his parents, the day out last weekend was initially suggested by me, I'm the one who is hoping to go to theirs in a couple of weeks time (can't do next week as it's my mum's 60th birthday). The times they have visited with relatively short notice, i find it a bit irksome but never usually this bothered. But this weekend, we specifically made plans in order to have today with nothing to do but the fact he has disregarded that has really upset me on this occasion. Sorry to keep venting but dont want to even look at him right now

OP posts:

Bloosh · 28/05/2017 14:15

Go and have a nap OP. Tell him not to agree to short-notice visits again - and to bring you a cup of tea.

gleam · 28/05/2017 14:21

Possibly your inlaws have noticed that you weren't really up for this visit and have politely gone home?

Hulder · 28/05/2017 14:23

Hopefully he's got the message that 'doing nothing all day' can be an unbreakable plan.

May be when you feeling a bit calmer spell it out in words of one syllable that neither of you book guests ever without checking first with the other.

Nurse15 · 28/05/2017 14:25

I'm in exactly the same situation today!! And this happened last Sunday too. I feel ya OP!!

Louiselouie0890 · 28/05/2017 14:27

Let DH see to them. He's not overly out of order for saying they could come. Neither are you for wanting a day to sort ya shit out

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purplecoathanger · 28/05/2017 15:09

YANBU

Cope with today with a smile nailed to your face, as it's not worth a fall out but when they have left negotiate some new rules about contact with DH.

QuirstThenching · 28/05/2017 15:10

They called to ask and were told 'yes'??

How have they done anything wrong?

Frankie89 · 28/05/2017 15:22

I agree with you, OP. It's your DP that's in the wrong. Honestly I think he's more than welcome to have his parents round but he shouldn't assume you're available when he does. If he accepts that, fine. You're not unreasonable to want some time to yourself.

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