Fucking overgrown manchild

[WankingMonkey]

Ugh. DH is on a rampage. Long story short hes been going on about going on holiday, and I thought yeah ok it would be nice for the kids too so we booked to go away in September, only have the deposit down so I told him we would really need to watch the cash if hes wanting to get it all paid for with a decent amount of spending money. Everything was great.

A few days ago his camera broke on his mobile. The phone works but the camera is fucked. So the moaning starts. How the phone is crap, he can't do anything on it. How he hasn't been able to hear anything on it for ages (never mentioned this, this evolved after I said the phone could still be used without the camera). I reminded him that he agreed to watching the pennies for the holiday. He states he still needs a mobile. I say he can use mine until we can afford one as I don't use a mobile anyway and its only really used when the kids go on youtube and that...nooo mines crap apparently (it is, its an old thing but still useable). I go into total ignore mode, meaning I quite literally ignore anything he says about a phone as can't be bloody arsed. Today we took the kids out to soft play. On our way back he wants to 'see what they have' in the vodaphone shop. Obviously this means more fucking moaning ab out a phone that we can neither afford nor need. However, am in a lot of pain by this point and have already taken my morphine which makes me slightly more agreeable so I say ok. He finds a decent one for a hundred quid which in a moment of weakness I say ok to. I realise now this was a huge mistake.

We can just about afford it. But I am annoyed as he did agree to no unnecessary spending (I don't count taking the kids to softplay as unnecessary spending as its the holidays and its...entertaining the kids) but I did agree to it so said he could get it on Thursday. Get back home, he gets the laptop out and starts tapping away. About 2 hours ago he decides that the phone I agreed to him having in the shop was crap (Samsung Galaxy J3) and he has decided the one he wants now is 160. I told him I had agreed we could waste 100 quid on a phone he didn't really need and that if he wants a different more expensive one, he can go trade in his laptop at CEX and pay part cash part exchange. No, thats no good despite him not touching the laptop for 3 months until tonight and despite us having another (admittedly very slow) laptop too. `He just wants us to pay the 160 quid which would leave us very short. I know 60 quid isn't a lot to most on here but it really is to us, especially when trying to pay for a holiday. he then starts with the 'oh you won't let me buy a phone when I need one' routine and I calmly point out that i said he could get the hundred quid phone, and he had then decided that he had to have a more expensive one, he could still have the hundred quid one but no more unless he was willing to trade some of his electrical crap in for another. Again...huffing and puffing and eventually he went to bed. About 10pm ish.

Hes just came down now for a drink and I said to him just in passing 'oh, I thought you would have been asleep by now'.

He glared at me, pretty much barked 'I was' at me. Then didn't say another word for 5 mins then slouched back off to bed.

I just wanted somewhere to rant tbh, but...WIBU to smother him with a fucking pillow?! God...its like having a bloody moody teenager round the house. I feel I have done something wrong in all of this but cannot figure out what it is (besides losing my resolve and giving in to the cheaper phone whilst in pain and on my meds...weak moment indeed)

[scootinFun]

Yes to the pillow! Let him sleep on it and hopefully he'll realise what a pillock he is in the morning!

[WankingMonkey]

If only. From experience these 'episodes' go on for days and days. Childish but I am so tempted to tell his dad about this when he comes to pick the kids up tomorrow. If his dad tells him to STFU he will probably listen

[NotStoppedAllDay]

Why the fixation on a new phone, particularly s new camera function

That's suspicious.... is he up to no good on his phone?

[Willow2017]

Ha Wankingmonkey - whatever works
If he is acting like a spoilt brat then tell his dad.

[Aquamarine1029]

Don't involve his dad. That's totally uncalled for. It will only make things worse.

[timeisnotaline]

Would the holiday be cheaper if he didn't go?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

time exactly my thought, although if the OP needs regular meds that leave her a bit out of it then she probably needs him to go.

And I doubt he is up to anything Not my dad and my husband both get like this when they need a new something or other. When H's phone broke you would think that the fucking world had ended and he was obsessed with getting the best phone we couldnt afford. I lost my rag and said that he could buy whatever phone he wanted but not one single penny of "our" money was going on it when I havent had a new phone in 10 years because we could never afford it according to him, so I ended up with other peoples cast offs...... He found one for £60 which he paid for by asking his mum for birthday money instead of a gift.

Sorry, very ranty about shit like this.

[neonrainbow]

My ex was a sulker. Dumping him was the best thing i ever did.

[ohnothisisme]

YABU and sound SO controlling. If this was a man posting about his wife there would be bloody outrage about him "letting her" do things and "agreeing what he could do".

[QuodPeriitPeriit]

If you don't want him to act like a child maybe you should stop acting like his parent. Why is it up to you to dictate what another adult can do? Why should your priorities trump his? You do sound very controlling.

[WankingMonkey]

OK I never looked at it like that at all. The issue is we have a very small amount of money. He insisted we go on holiday which tbh we cannot really afford. If he blows all our money on a phone on Thursday..we have nothing for the rest of the month? We would be pushing it even with the hundred spent tbh but could manage. An extra 60 gone would leave us borrowing just for essentials

Do others not...budget in tight times? Guess this is where I am going wrong.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Bollocks does she sound controlling - she's the one with SENSE. They don't have the money lying around, they're trying to save money for the already-booked holiday, yet HE wants to spend it all on his phone, leaving them with nothing left for the holiday.

Controlling my arse!

While the pillow would be tempting, OP, I wouldn't bother. I don't think I'd bother telling his Dad either, unless the subject comes up anyway. But you're probably going to have to accept that he's going to spend the money on the phone, because that's the sort of wankerish move people like that will pull. :(

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Seriously OP - ignore the ones calling you controlling! they have no concept of the issues you're facing, obviously.

[MunchMunch]

Quod he was the one who wanted the holiday, he was the one who wanted the £100 phone now he is the one wanting an extra £60 for a better phone. Why should his wants trump the op not having to borrow to pay for essentials?!

[PyongyangKipperbang]

No want should ever trump a need.

His wanting a holiday and a phone does not trump the need to pay the rent and feed the kids, but he clearly thinks that it does.

Have you spelled it out to him that buying the phone means that you will need to borrow money to buy food or pay the rent? That if he does buy this phone then you will be £160 short on the holiday money and asking where he plans to get that money from?

Sounds like he is a "buy it now, regret it later" type and this wont be the first time he has done this.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

More like a "buy it now, blame the OP later" I reckon, Pyong!

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Quite possibly!

I was just thinking about this and could it be that he is just massively pissed off with not having much money and the strop about the phone isnt really about the phone? I have been known to get like this about not having much. It isnt the phone so much as every last little thing, things that other people take for granted, creates such fucking hard work when you are just about managing. It gets you down.

So a new phone cant just be bought, it has to be considered, managed, budgeted for and means that something else has to go as a result. A holiday cant just be booked, it must be saved for by scrimping on things that are already being scrimped as far as they can be. And when you see other people who can just go out and get what they want, it can make you feel like shit when you cant.

Or he could be a selfish git. Only the OP knows which it is likely to be.

[kerryob]

He doesn't need a new phone, I'd be peed off if my DH did this. If buying the phone means you have to borrow money to feed your dc your DH needs to grow up & get his priorities straight!

Tell his dad, he is a man child & deserves a b**locking!!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Yes, Pyong, I remember those days too - but I never actually SPENT the money recklessly because I knew I'd be paying for it in 100 different ways afterwards.

[PicardsCombOver]

I have an uncle with two ADULT sons who do this to my poor lovely aunty and it drives me nuts. I ranted at the fuckers this week in fact.
Adult cousins live with aunt and uncle. Adult cousin 1 (25) moaned about his room size for 3 months, punched the wall and made huge holes, played fuck until a radiator was fitted and still moaned.
My aunt and uncle gave him their bedroom!!!

I hear you loud and clear OP. Is he always an arsehole??

[catsarenice]

Is there any chance he's due an upgrade or his service provider will be able to do anything? Any free insurance with bank account? My DP smashed his screen recently and got it fixed cheaply and now the microphone doesn't work so we've tried all sorts of ways to get him a new one!

[Mc180768]

Op, I know what I'd be saying to my DH if he behaved like that over a gadget. Get off your arse & earn the money. Tends to be what happens. Want summaghr. Work for it. I never get involved with gadget buying in our house. DH does this. If he wants something he'll pull some extra shifts and save up. I do holidays. We have one every two years.

Op, he's not behaving like a child. Children can be negotiated with. (Mostly) He is being a dick and throwing a s'leb strop over a phone without a camera function.

[WankingMonkey]

It could be a kind of build up of everything having to be discussed and considered rather than just bought. I also think in some ways he may blame me for the lack of finances as I developed chronic pain issues (hence, oramorph and a raft of other meds) following the birth of DS nearly 3 years back which meant at first he had to go part time at work, and eventually leave completely so now he is my carer. Would explain why I get such a hard time when I work stuff out and say 'we can't afford it this month, maybe next month' and that. I do understand his anger at me, if this is it as we were pretty well off and kind of went down to being OK and now we have next to nothing. He has never said this, not sure if he would have thought it but he would be in a much better position financially if he was not with me, as he could go back to his (well paid) job. I do think there is resentment there from his side, but obviously I cannot control my health, I wish I could!

He is not usually an arsehole. Every now and again. He is very good with looking after the kids, and me. Rarely moans. Its just the financial thing is so hard and makes us argue a lot.

Not due an upgrade or anything, was PAYG. We cannot get contracts, very bad credit rating plus unemployed (carer is not a valid occupation if it is for your wife it seems...)

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Oh Monkey - what a sad situation. Sorry, I don't mean to sound at all patronising, but yes, that does sound very difficult and frustrating for all of you.

Is there no way he can do consultancy or work from home? I suppose not, or you'd have thought of that already :(

Does make more sense in terms of his reaction now, I guess. for you. x

[BigGrannyPants]

We are in a similar boat money wise. I don't work because we can't afford childcare but since having DCs 2&3 I have become disabled so I'm not sure if/when I will be able to work. Money is extremely tight for us. We are also going on holiday and having to really reign it in to pay for it! If we don't NEED it then we don't buy it, we can't, we are skint. Money is always a source of anxiety for me and my DH doesn't always appreciate how much effort it takes to keep us afloat. I manage our money, DH doesn't want to and doesn't know how to. Money is probably the thing that causes most up upset between us. However all that being said, it just won't do that your DH is acting like a child when he doesn't get his own way, he needs to look at the bigger picture and stop being so selfish. He should be putting the needs of the family unit above his own. Tell him the phone is not a NEED but food for your children is, so if he is happy for you all to struggle by he should buy the £100 phone, if he wants you to starve your kids he should buy the £160 phone. However if he wants to be able to look after his kids properly, he should live with the phone he has and stop being a selfish git.