Another wedding one - WIBU?(67 Posts)
Yes, it's a long one
A work colleague (A) invited me and a fellow colleague (B) along to her wedding in France. Although I was a bit concerned about the cost/taking time off work, I said yes. We all met when we started working for the same company at the same time. I considered them both friends - though A and B were closer to each other, while I considered B a closer friend than A.
The wedding venue was in the middle of nowhere, and B and I found some nearby accommodation - two cottages set in half an acre of land, about a twenty minute drive from the wedding venue. Each cottage had two rooms, but as the second rooms had bunk beds, we decided to book a cottage each so we could each have a double room/bed. Neither of us particularly wanted to share a cottage (or sleep in a bunk bed) and were happy to shell out extra and make it a bit of a weekend away for us both so as to justify it. We would arrive on Friday and leave on Sunday, with the traditional wedding taking place on Friday evening and the white wedding on Saturday. There were no local taxi companies, but the landlady of the cottages arranged for a local homeowner to ferry us around between the airport, cottages, church and chateau (as neither B nor I had valid driving licences to hire a car).
Beforehand, A was expecting a special delivery from the States and asked me to bring it along with me (as it wouldn't arrive before she flew out), which I agreed to. She didn't want to ask B as she apparently didn't trust her to say yes or bring it. I thought of this as slightly odd, but didn't say anything. When the package arrived at our office, it was bigger than expected but I assumed this was down to overzealous packaging. When I got home and opened it, it turned out that the contents (wedding decorations) had not been packed properly and exploded in the box. I spent the entire night before my flight repackaging the entire thing (wrapping up each individual item with bubble wrap and tinfoil to keep them from exploding all over again). It also took up a whole suitcase, so it meant that I had to pay for extra luggage. No matter - the time and effort spent repackaging was a bit annoying, but I was happy to pay for it/take it with me - I certainly didn't ask A for money to cover it and even told her not to think about it as I was more than happy to help her out.
After a horrid journey (issues at the London airport with B not having checked in properly, me having to deal with a work emergency so was on calls all morning right up until takeoff, and a loooong ride to the cottages from the local airport), B and I arrived at the cottages. The landlady (lovely woman!) showed us around. As we were settling in, she then informed us that A had called her (not us!) before we arrived to book her wedding photographer (who was arriving later that evening) into one of the cottages for the weekend. By the way, A already knew that we had booked the place, but (having overlooked/forgotten to make any arrangements for her photographer) told the landlady to tell us to share one cottage, and offer the photographer the other, or for one of us to share with the photographer. No messages to either of us, or even a text, to ask if this was ok (let alone an offer to pay/reimburse us). A had a whole chateau for the wedding party, but clearly didn't want the photographer sharing with her/groom/family/bridesmaids. She also had other friends staying in separate accommodation on the chateau grounds, but didn't ask them either (or perhaps had tried to and was turned down).
B and I thought the landlady must have misunderstood and B asked me to call A, as neither of us were particularly keen to share with the other or with a stranger, especially having paid extra to have the place to ourselves. When I got through to A and tried to ask what was going on, she said that she was at her wedding ceremony rehearsal and didn't have time to deal with this - there was apparently nowhere else in the village that could accommodate the photographer and she accused me of being selfish for not wanting to share, and hung up the phone on me. Even though both B and I were annoyed/upset, B and I discussed and eventually agreed to share a cottage together, and let the photographer have the other.
As I tried to call A back to say it was fine and I would share with B, she and B were also texting each other without my knowledge (apparently, B made no mention to A that she also didn't want to share), and A then asked B to come stay with her in the chateau and let the photographer have her cottage, to which B (keen to stay in a lovely chateau, it would appear, rather than share a cottage with me or the photographer) agreed - her excuse to me being that, although we had planned the weekend together and she had agreed to share with me, she couldn't possibly say no to A's invitation as A "desperately needed her"
B and I later got a ride to the chateau that evening for the traditional wedding (the white wedding was the following day) and as we stepped out, were "greeted" outside by the mother of the groom, who (without even saying hello) informed me that I was not to upset the bride further and curtly asked me to carry over and leave the suitcase with wedding decorations at the bottom of the stairs, while throwing her arms around B, inviting her into the chateau, thanking her profusely for "being such a good friend" and offering to show her to her room upstairs, with B lapping it up saying how of course she had come when A so clearly needed her ...
I felt very much persona non grata that night. When I tried to politely ask the MOH for a number for a taxi to head back to the cottage after the traditional wedding (B, who was now nowhere to be found, had sorted out the drive to the chateau and apparently not told the driver to come back to pick me up, even though I had asked her to), the MOH told me I should have thought about that before and would have to figure it out by myself, before turning her back on me. There were no local taxi numbers online and it would have taken over an hour on foot walking over unlit and unmarked private farmland (or longer walking the unlit roads) to get back. In desperation, I rang the landlady of the cottages who kindly came to pick me up herself (as our driver was in all likelihood already asleep).
Despite being upset at what felt like a bit of a ruined weekend, I still went along to the white wedding the next day and smiled and was sociable throughout the whole thing. Although I had this time arranged a ride back to the cottages, the photographer kindly gave me a lift back that night (and, on the plus side, he turned out to be a great guy and an even better drinking partner )
When I stopped off at the chateau the next day to pick up B en route to the airport, A came downstairs to say goodbye and handed me an envelope of cash to cover the cost of bringing her wedding decorations over. I hadn't asked to be paid for it, and it just felt like a pointed gesture after everything that had happened, and left a bit of a sour taste.
This happened some time ago, but I've just been invited to another wedding in France (a childhood friend's), which has brought it all flooding back. So, MN jury, who was being unreasonable? I've genuinely wavered between thinking:
(a) IWBU - I should have been a bigger person/better friend by just letting it go and agreeing to share in the first place, versus
(b) AWBU - I can't believe someone (bride notwithstanding) would book a stranger into a friend's paid-for accommodation without even asking/telling them, versus
(c) BWBU - I can't believe B managed to come out of it all smelling like roses!
A & B WBU
You don't invite someone else to stay in accommodation you haven't paid for and without even asking. At least she paid you for carrying the wedding decorations for her
B just doesn't sound very nice
I'd love to hear bridezilla's version of events
(b) and (c)
These are not friends. They took advantage of your good nature but do not value your wellbeing as important.
Nothing to be done about it now, just have nothing to do with either of them and seek out friends who don't use other people so selfishly.
a) b) and c)
I agree with peupoki - they are not your friends. They were not at their best at that weekend and I wouldn't lift a finger to spend more time with them. However, I don't think I would have rung the bride to complain about accommodation the night before her wedding, especially as it didn't really require you to do anything - the photographer could just have gone in the spare room. And she did pay you for your trouble, but by that time you were taking everything as an insult (not all that surprising).
I've had the MOTB say something really insulting to me in a reception line that showed that her darling daughter was talking about me in a way I didn't care for behind my back. You do find things out about people at weddings and this bunch are clearly not much loss to you. Don't let it put you off your friend's wedding.
(b) and (c)
your 'friends' are not nice people. They did not once think of you or your feelings. Avoid them but not France!
I would think of A's wedding as a lesson learnt, go to this wedding but know you can walk away if anyone treats you like that again!
just to offer another view: weddings are incredibly stressful and do not tend to bring out the best in people. I dont think you did anything wrong at all but i do think perhaps you should give your friends the benefit of the doubt, in particular the bride who was probably not thinking straight at the time.
I know i was a bit of a nightmare the day before my wedding.
I called my own father a cunt!! (i apologised profusely the next day)
A and B were definitely being unreasonable - I can't stand brides who think the world revolves around them on their wedding day as if they're the only person ever to have gotten married.
Out of curiosity, OP, if this all happened a while ago are you still friends with A and/or B?
A and B wbu. And B is a real two faced bitch. I hope you aren't still friends with these people, you were treated appallingly.
Do come back and let us know who you are still friends/acquaintances with, if either. To say B was meant to be your closer friend, she behaved the worst tbh. Two-faced texting, disingenuous, not telling driver to come back for you, bumping you on a weekend together, not sticking up for you. Awful.
That said, A sounds like a pfb (precious first bride ). Just as two-faced slagging off B the the favour, cheeky fucker re the cottages and there eas space at the château: just not for the "help".
Glad you got £ for the extra luggage quota. Whether pointed or not, she did sodding owe you.
But the landlady and photographer sounded nice. Sorry you were frozen out/made to feel like merde. Amazed that A's MIL acted like a cow. Hope B is no longer able to mug you off.
The bride was unkind and unfair.
B came out smelling of roses.
Brides mum maybe only heard part of the story. She was looking out for her daughter on her special day and maybe was unfair but didn't know the full story.
You did nothing wrong.
I am assuming you are no longer in touch with A and B, so put this behind you. If you are still in touch with them then maybe you need to tell them how it all panned out for you and you may get an apology, or the end of the friendship.
The one area I disagree with you is that giving you the money for bringing over the decorations was the right thing to do.
In terms of this new wedding I would just make your peace with the past and make clear plans for this wedding and be sure you have control of the aspects you need, accommodation/transport, and enjoy this one a lot.
(are you still in touch with the photographer?)
I mean giving you the money for bringing over the decorations was the right thing to do.
Although it was a shitty thing to do, really shitty, you did a) get ££ back b) get to stay in accommodation as you had paid for c) learned the measure of two 'friends ' who bu hope you have subsequently told to fuck off.
You were not U in any of this. I hope you find peace about the second wedding in France. Don't let the first fuckers grind you down.
Forget all that, we need more information on what you got up to with the photographer1
What a pair of bitches. YANBU.
Hope you ditched these two?
A & B were BU, they clearly aren't very nice people. I think you were asked to wedding so that B had a travel companion not because A wanted you there.
I sincerely hope you you are not friends with either of them anymore.
I hope your next wedding in France is a positive experience and can help cancel out some of the bad memories from the last one!
How were things after the wedding when you all got back to work? Just curious!!
Ditch the friends, keep the photographer.
Ditch the friends, keep the photographer.
I can't believe I just read OP's entire post. Wow, I need to get a life
I can't believe I just read OP's entire post. Wow, I need to get a life
You can't win sometimes. If she'd posted less detail she would have been moaned at for dripfeeding. She gives plenty detail and gets comments like this!
Um yeah...what a nightmare...I'm on your side. Your friend A had bride-blindness I assume, whereby one can only see the inside of one's own arsehole.
B sold you down the river to bask in praise.
No...it was a shitfest for you.
How were things after the wedding? Did you ever get a chance to properly explain your pov?
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