To holiday without DH and DSS

[Iwantaniceholiday]

Hi All, we are a family of 5. DSS, almost 18 (lives with us full time) and 2 DC under 10. We have separate finances. I have always organised and paid for holidays & days out myself. I love holidays. I can no longer afford to take everyone away. DH and DSS expect nice holidays. Our last family holiday was in a nice cottage in Europe. Self catering as that is all I could afford. DH and DSS looked bored most of the time and didn't expect to chip in to prepare food etc. Thing is, if costs were shared with DH we could go on a nicer holiday where we eat out everyday. He doesn't seem to realise that.

I have booked another holiday this summer but it's in the UK. Nice cottage with swimming pool access as well as other activities. DH and DSS are already not showing any enthusiasm. I want to cancel the holiday and take my two DC on an all inclusive holiday with kids activities instead. I know they'd enjoy that. Plus me and DC usually like getting up early and getting on with exploring/ playing on the beach and then enjoying lazy afternoons. DH and DSS would happily sleep until midday everyday of the holiday, which I don't think is practical with young dc in tow.

I wouldn't be unreasonable to just holiday with my dc and leave DH and DSS at home, would I?

[ajandjjmum]

Why doesn't your DH contribute?

[Rioja123]

Why isn't your husband paying anything towards holidays?

[chickenjalfrezi]

No I don't think. We're a blended family of 5 and we occasionally holiday in parts. The only rule is we don't holiday and leave one person out.

[happypoobum]

Eh?

Can you explain more why you have to pay for all the holidays?
Does DH work or is he SAHP?

[honeylulu]

Are your DC your husband's children?

Do you have a deal that he pays for mortgage, bills etc and you pay for treats?

These points might be relevant.

[Fishbiscuits]

If you have separate finances, how do you split paying for bills, rent/mortgage and food? Is he paying a greater share of those and then assuming you'll pay for more "treats" such as days out and holidays?

[Lovewineandchocs]

Just cancel it and take your own DC away. Your DH and DSS can sort themselves.

[ImperialBlether]

If I paid for a holiday and my husband and step son looked bored, I wouldn't pay for another for them!

[Allthewaves]

Er shouldn't dh be paying half

[VimFuego101]

Why on earth wouldn't your DH share the cost?

I would just take the younger kids on the holiday you've booked, and tell DH he can pay for the next holiday.

[MumW]

Never mind the financial side, DH & DSS not contributing to the holiday chores would be enough for me to leave them at home! If they don't share the chores then it's a busman's holiday for you.

[Sirzy]

How long have you been married?

[AyeAmarok]

Go yourself.

But why do you have to pay?

[Iwantaniceholiday]

He doesn't prioritise holidays and says he doesn't have money. I just paid as the alternative would be no holiday at all. I am now getting fed up though as they do not appreciate my efforts.

We both pay towards all bills and mortgage. I manage my finances better I think or rather my priorities are different. Whereas he'd buy coffees out and but new shoes whenever he wants (after bills are paid extra so from his free money) I drop my spare change in a tin or saving account that goes towards holidays and days out.

The two DC are his.

[Iwantaniceholiday]

*buy new shoes

[honeylulu]

OK then I think it would be fine to go away just you and the younger children.
If your H wants to go he can contribute!

[greenworm]

He and his son are both adults, and I think it sounds reasonable to tell them that since they obviously aren't looking forward to it, you've decided to cancel and rebook something just for you and the younger DV.

If your DH kicks up a fuss he can then pay for him and his son to come along on the AI trip, he'd still be getting a more than fair deal as you'd be paying 100% for your joint DC.

Or suggest that he organise something for he and his elder son that they'd both actually enjoy.

[EatTheChocolateTeapot]

Help him to budget so he can pay his half of the holliday?
If you have similar wages, it's not fair to expect you to pay for all of the holliday expenses.

[greenworm]

*younger DC

[ReggaeShark]

Of course you would not be unreasonable to just take your DC under the curcumstances. But be prepared for it to open a whole can of worms as this is clearly the tip of a very big iceberg. It sounds as if things need to change.

[Wolfiefan]

If he doesn't prioritise holidays then he clearly isn't that fussed about having one. I certainly wouldn't be paying for him.

[LordCake]

I wouldn't pay for either of them in these circumstances either. They obviously don't care about or prioritise holidays. It's fine, each to their own. Leave them at home and I bet you have a far nicer time.

As a PP suggested he could pay for him and his son and still be contributing less than you. It's his choice.

[happypoobum]

In that case, no, fuck him, just go somewhere that suits you and younger DC.

If he wants a holiday he can buy fewer shoes

[Foslady]

Definitely book the better holiday for you and your dc's. Tell him their lack of interest in the holiday means they aren't that bothered so you'd rather not spoil their dad and son time so you'll have you and yours time and have your kind of fun instead. And donit after you've cancelled and rebooked!

[Ceto]

If he and DSS don't think holidays are important and is clearly bored by them, it seems to me you'd be doing them a favour by leaving them behind.