DH and I have had a big row and i feel I've lost sense of who's being unreasonable right now...I'm hoping putting it down here might help, apologies it's long winded!
Basically a few months ago DH was invited to a colleague's wedding, evening only, no partners invited due to tight budget. Friends I've mentioned this to said they would be put out by that but to be honest, I don't know the guy, we have two small children and would have had to find over night child care so I thought ok I can live with not going.
Then it turned out DH had also been invited to the stag do (3 nights abroad!) I was not happy about this but DH has never been on a stag before and considers this guy to be a really good friend (weird because I haven't met him and he's only been invited to the evening do but whatever, after a few disagreements about it, I got over it).
So the wedding is today. DH is booked into a hotel, having arranged to share a room with another male colleague. I was sort of ok with it finally...
UNTIL DH messed up big style this week by going out after work, getting hideously drunk, missing the train home and sleeping in the office. To make matters worse he didn't let me know what was happening so I was up all night worrying and then having established he was alive after all, fuming all the following day that he was too busy to show any remorse or try to make amends. To give a bit more background, DH works in a very sociable industry and him going out after work (I'm a SAHM) is big source of conflict for us (the only source of conflict really). We have an ongoing cycle where he goes AWOL (never before to the point of not actually coming home though), I get upset and angry because going AWOL is not an option for me, nor would I want to. Then we make up and all is good until the next time.
Well this time I've had enough. I told him he's blown it and can't go to the wedding. He said this was totally unreasonable. So I offered a compromise of go but don't drink and instead drive home tonight. It's a couple of hours drive away. The only way I got him to agree to that was by storming out of the house and letting him stew for a bit (I know, not my finest hour). He's gone. He's very pissed off. Whether or not he sticks to the agreement remains to be seen...who is being unreasonable?
AIBU?
Checking my reasonable barometer
lostmyshizzle · 08/04/2017 17:21
That was a bit short 
Sounds like he goes out a lot and I think thats not the way for a husband and father to behave.
I think you're allowing the issue of him going awol to seep into the other issue of him always being out without you.
I might be off track but I get a lot of resentment that you're looking after three dcs whilst he basically lives up his single footloose and fancy free social life. The feeling I get is you appreciate its part of his Job so Tolerate it but this wedding (to someone not that close) is the 'straw that broke the camels back' as it were.
I understand the awol thing is upsetting. It's disrespectful. And the sort of thing most people do when they're single.
But I don't think 'telling' him what to do will end well. He's an adult. Even if he doesn't always act like one!
Id spend the evening thinking about what it really is that upsets you. What you want from this relationship. What's possible in this relationship considering his social job (and also what he might want). And take it from there 
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Or you could text him and say it's his choice what to do tonight, you were angry earlier and you would like to talk properly soon.
You equally can't now give him permission to stay over. 
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