DH is currently doing a postdoc which is due to end soon. He moved to a different country to do it and we were long distance for 2 years. I then got pregnant and moved to where he is late in the pregnancy. Our baby is now 3 months old.
We plan to move back to the UK at the end of my mat leave so that I can return to my job, which I love and is better job security, conditions etc than his. We had agreed that he would look for positions commuting distance from where we live, and that if he couldn't find an academic position he would look at options outside of academia. However he has not been able to find anything so far.
He has out of the blue been offered a position at a very prestigious university, however it is only for a year's contract and the city is around 4 hours by train from where we live in the UK. As it is such a short contract we could not practically relocate there, so the only way he could take it would be if we lived apart in the week and he just came back at weekends. It would start in 6 months so when our baby is 9 months old and around the time I would be going back to work and the baby starting nursery.
I feel that we have already sacrificed a lot for his career. We lived apart for 2 years and I have given birth and spent the early months of our baby's life far from our families and friends. If he takes this job it would mean another year of living separately during the week and me working full time and looking after the baby on my own in the week. Neither of our families are local so I would have very little practical support. There is also no guarantee that he would be able to find anything after the year's contract was up, so he might have to end up moving out of academia at that point anyway. It is proving very difficult to balance his career, where to pursue it fully means moving wherever in the world the jobs are, with my career and our family life.
On the other hand, this opportunity would look good on his CV and hopefully make it easier to find another position in academia. It is probably the best department in the country and a brilliant team. He would really enjoy the work, and if he doesn't take it might end up with nothing at all. I am worried that he might resent me and the baby if he was not able to find anything else. I also feel like if he leaves academia all the sacrifices we have already made will have been for nothing.
It is obviously a decision that we need to make together but I would appreciate any advice. My gut feeling is that I don't want us to live apart again, especially while our baby is so young. I would welcome any views especially from anyone who has been in a similar situation.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
AIBU?
WIBU to ask DH not to take this job (academia)?
44 replies
milodancing · 31/03/2017 21:28
OP posts:
LindyHemming ·
31/03/2017 21:30
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
eightytwenty ·
31/03/2017 22:08
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
BurningViolin ·
31/03/2017 23:25
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.