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To think I will never get better? Sorry for myself

(27 Posts)
Skatingonthinice16 Fri 24-Mar-17 18:38:10

I've suffered severe PND and anxiety since my daughter was born 15 months ago.

Perinatal nurse came out weekly and then fortnightly until August and then referred me for CBT. I heard nothing so chased it in October and was told the wait was long and just to keep waiting. In November I paid privately for several sessions of supposed CBT but although the lady was very nice she didn't teach me any strategies for managing my anxiety and it was more like counselling. I stopped going after 8 sessions and £500 as it didn't seem to be belong and originally she had said I should see some improvement after 6 sessions. Chased the NHS again and didn't hear anything.

Finally went back to the GP in February and discovered I'd never been referred for CBT as it has somehow been missed. The GP referred me again and I got the questionnaire which the mental health people rang to discuss with me. They told me I had severe depression and anxiety (highest possible score on anxiety section) but that the wait was 12-18 months for any help.
They said I could be referred for online therapy via Skype through Big White Wall and that would be faster. I wasn't that keen but agreed as frankly I'm getting desperate. I was anxious through pregnancy and went to the GP twice then too but was told there was no help for antenatal depression so it's now been well over two years of feeding like this.
I had my email from BWW and it turns out I need a laptop or desktop for the online therapy. They won't do it to a mobile device. We only have iPads in this house or dh's work laptop which I can't use for this purpose. I assumed I'd be able to use my iPad.
So that's no good to me either.

I do understand how stretched the NHS is and I guess they put their money into more important stuff but I spend each day waiting for it to be over so I can go to bed. The best times of my life are when I am asleep. I'm not bothered particularly about me but I can see it is affecting both of my children negatively and I do question the point of carrying on.

Aibu to think I may as well accept this is just it now and just wait for it all to be over?

Skatingonthinice16 Fri 24-Mar-17 18:38:46

The annoying thing is that if I'd been referred in August I would have been 8 months into the wait for help.

Blossomdeary Fri 24-Mar-17 18:42:39

It's not really a service at all frankly. You should not be having to fight for what you need when you feel so dreadful.

I am afraid that I have no magic wand here, except to say that there are some excellent books on CBT (including "CBT for Dummies") that you can work through yourself - there are also online courses.

MIND might be able to advise -

Lots of good luck - I hope you find what you need,

QuiteLikely5 Fri 24-Mar-17 18:43:12

The MH services in this country are dire!!

Can I ask if you have taken matters into your own hands and tried every natural remedy going?

Vit d
Could it be your contraception? This can have a massive impact on mood
Reducing sugar intake?
Have you got support with the DC? A nursery or childminder for a few hours per week?
Have you got a career that you plan to return to?

Are you getting enough excercise?

QuiteLikely5 Fri 24-Mar-17 18:43:40

Are you on medication?

mamma12 Fri 24-Mar-17 18:45:13

Bless you! It's so hard accessing mental health services. I suffer from really debilitating anxiety. I had face to face therapy (cbt) about two years ago and although the therapist was nice it didn't help at all. I feel in hindsight she was really inexperienced. My anxiety spiked terribly at the end of last year and I had to really battle to get myself re referred with months of them not contacting me and me complaining. I'm doing online therapy now and I wasn't expecting much but I find it way better. You can access it on an iPad so you might want to double check that's definitely the case. Mine isn't through big white wall and actually when I tried accessing it it wouldn't let me! Prob because I was on an iPad. Maybe you could download the Skype app? Go back and really complain. It's ridiculous how much effort it takes to get help! It makes me really cross. Keep on persevering. I'm finding cbt quite helpful and after my last experience really wasn't expecting much xxxx

Skatingonthinice16 Fri 24-Mar-17 18:47:23

I can access the wall and chat boards but not the online therapists. It states that you can only do it with a desktop or laptop not a mobile device. I asked a board moderator and they confirmed it.
I'm not currently on medication. They did offer it. I was hoping to muddle my way through without it but I think I'm going to end up taking it.

highinthesky Fri 24-Mar-17 18:50:03

OP, sometimes you have to help yourself. Take some time for yourself when the LO is asleep and try this: . Persist with it! I was the biggest sceptic before I tried it but felt I had nothing to lose by then.

Btw I had similarly poor experiences with the local service in terms of access, although when I eventually was given professional help it was useful. But by then I'd made a number of changes and was on my way up anyway.

flumpsnshit Fri 24-Mar-17 18:51:38

I used cbt for dummies ( for anxiety) finally got my cbt sessions over the phone ones. TBH the Samaritans were brilliant spoke to a woman who works for the mh service through them. Good luck it's crap

QuiteLikely5 Fri 24-Mar-17 18:53:29

Other mumsnetters swear by vit d for improving mood and fatigue don't give up trying new things to combat this.

You can do it.

Can I ask why you have not taken meds yet?

Skatingonthinice16 Fri 24-Mar-17 18:53:38

I have phoned the Samaritans previously but they just repeated back everything id said to them so whilst sympathetic I didn't find it very helpful.

The GP felt CBT would be beneficial if done properly.

VibrantAmI Fri 24-Mar-17 18:54:12

Check out PANDAS. It's a charity that deals with antenatal and postnatal mental health.

DaisyBlameless Fri 24-Mar-17 18:56:35

Honestly, take propanalol.

I went to the doctors and described my anxiety but said I didn't want medication. She explained that beta blockers have zero effect on your brain but block the physical features, which make your brain think everything is ok.

I took them and from day one I felt AMAZINGLY like my old self.

I also had,CBT but didn't really gel with it.

Go to your GP as soon as you can and discuss meds x

mamma12 Fri 24-Mar-17 19:00:23

It's so hard when you're feeling so bad and then you're up against a battle to get any help it can make you feel like you're doomed to a life of this hell but please hang in there.
What you're going through sounds so hard. Do you have any sympathetic friends or family you can confide in?
Some of the things I've found helpful with anxiety are yoga, swimming and excercise (believe me I was very skeptical about trying these having not set foot in a gym since 1992). You need to make sure you take time out for yourself to do nice things (I know this can be hard when you feel as crap as you do right now). If you had seen me a few months ago having panic attacks and all sorts. I've still got a lot of problems but they feel a lot more manageable. Feel free to send me a private message if you sang to chat x

runningLou Fri 24-Mar-17 19:00:47

DH did online course for anxiety and there was a special slot for him to use PCs at local library specifically for this.
Might be worth checking out if you can get childcare for a couple of hours. Would be some time just for you too.
Otherwise can you just buy a laptop? A cheap one might be worth it as an investment in your mental health. Also pursue other CBT therapists as the woman you saw doesn't sound good.
Go back to the GP and ask for bloods for vit D, B12, thyroid etc. Ask for another urgent referral to CBT. Get on the list, even if it's long. They will have people drop out so you may have to wait less time than they say.
Keep posting if it helps.

mamma12 Fri 24-Mar-17 19:02:15

Also maybe think about trying medication.y cousin is on citalopran and it's helped her a lot. You can always stop if you don't get on with it x

ImperialBlether Fri 24-Mar-17 19:04:20

Another one here saying get some meds! I had beta blockers (propanolol) and though it was three weeks before I noticed a difference, I was then back to normal. I also had ADs for PND and they really worked.

It's so sad to hear you're struggling like this.


harderandharder2breathe Fri 24-Mar-17 19:11:31

MH services are awful flowers they have so few resources it feels like if you're not a danger to anyone else you're left to cope on your own.

I do recommend medication, it can help you to get into a better head space so you're more open to therapy. At my worst, I just can't engage with CBT, on the right meds I can.

I had CBT through my employer, so if you're employed even if on Mat leave, it's worth asking if occupational Health can do anything, as private (through work) is so much quicker. I'm really lucky, my work funded 10 sessions of phone cbt then 12 sessions of face to face cbt when the phone one hadn't helped (I was offered face to face up front but chose telephone), they even fund the taxi journey there and back which is far beyond what I ever expected. That and finally getting on the right medication are the reason I'm now back to being a productive employee, so it was in their interests.

Launderetta Fri 24-Mar-17 19:23:23

Please have a hand-hold from here, too.
My experiences of anxiety & depression during & after pregnancy were nearly 15 years ago - lasting 5 years - so I fully empathise with what you're going through. It's an awful MH situation to be in for anyone, especially when you're supposed to be at one of the most wonderful stages of your life.
Please go to your GP for meds as soon as possible; therapy can follow, by whatever delivery mechanism is available to you soonest.
As well as antidepressants, CBT was a lifeline for me (literally; at my lowest, I was planning methods to end my life) so don't give up on accessing it, or another therapy which may suit you better, despite the very disappointing practical & funding challenges that are facing you.

Keep prioritising your own health, you will find a balance & a positive way forward for you & your family flowers

RupertsMum2 Fri 24-Mar-17 19:25:36

I take fluoxetine (quite a small dose) for anxiety. It's made a huge difference to me and I don't have any side effects. It would be worth a try.

yellowfrog Fri 24-Mar-17 19:29:29

Definitely consider medication. I put it off for ages because it seemed like a big step. I had talking therapy on the NHS, which was great in terms of addressing the way I thought about things, but didn't really touch the anxiety. Finally everything got too bad and I went back to the GP for medication. Started taking it - totally fixed the problem, with no side effects at all. Taking the meds also gave me the head-space to think about the things discussed in therapy, so for me I would be tempted to go for the drugs first, and then take the CBT as and when you get to the top of the list. Hugs

LadyMarmyLard Fri 24-Mar-17 20:06:20

Wow I didn't realise it was so hard to get support..

I can't really help but what I will say is you won't feel like this forever.
Keep a diary, write down your feelings, worries, anxieties now. And when you do find a way out of this, which you will, then you can draw upon this to help others.
Because I bet you're not on your own. You are very articulate at addressing the problems with getting MH support (e.g. Nothing for mobile users- you start an app.)
One day you might be the one stood teaching people strategies on how to cope with anxiety. Make this your mission.

Stay strong.

tangledyarn Fri 24-Mar-17 20:14:18

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies but i work as a therapist in mh and despite long waits we aim to see all postnatal women within a month. Whilst this isn't necessarily country wide it is good practice from NICE guidelines so would be worth discussing with PALS or similar.. although i realise chasing things up when you are struggling is very​ hard work.

barefoofdoctor Fri 24-Mar-17 20:23:39

Please try the medication. It Isn' t scary/doesn't 'change' you and I'm sure you'll be amazed once the bedding in fortnight or so is over (been/am there).

flippinada Fri 24-Mar-17 20:28:42

Poor you, PND is the absolute pits flowers.I'm sorry you're having such difficulty getting any help and support, it can be a lottery depending on location. It shouldn't be of course, but it is.

You mention speaking to Samaritans - if you're looking for counselling and/or practical help rather someone to talk to that's not always the best place to go. Not that they aren't great at what they do but I get the sense that's not what you're looking for?

You say you want to avoid medication but in the circumstances I would urge you to reconsider - even a small dose can make a difference, as PP have suggested. And you don't need to take them forever. Why not make an emergency appointment with your GP on Monday?

Big hugs, you can and will get better.

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