AIBU to celebrate my sons 18th birthday

[BG2015]

DS1 will be 18 in December. His birthday falls on a Sunday.

His dad and I split when he was 5. He and his brother have lived with me since but spend every Friday night/Saturday with their dad and they go for tea on a Tuesday. They have a brilliant relationship with their dad and his family. We have occasionally swapped nights to suit our individual circumstances when needed but it's a given that it's usually Fri/sat with their dad. Birthdays have been celebrated at whoever house the boys have been at,.

Our split was reasonably amicable and over the years we have shown a united front with our kids. We have a good relationship and text/speak on the phone weekly about the boys.

I'm also still in contact with his parents, send Christmas cards etc.

He text me on Friday evening to say that he and DS1 had been talking about his 18th birthday and what they were planning. I had presumed that my son would be at home on the Saturday evening/Sunday morning - I say here, but that means out with friends and back whenever (early hours)

I had thought that he would celebrate with his dad on the Saturday and I would take him out for Sunday lunch with my partner, parents, his brother and my brother and his family. Then he would be free to see his friends and celebrate afterwards into the evening.

I'm a bit miffed that suddenly his dad has decided that he gets to call the shots on the Sunday. He text me saying "we're starting the celebrations at 11am" meaning drinking! DS 1 has been having an odd drink at home for 12 months so drinking is no big deal.

Im tempted to say that we could ALL go out for lunch - his family and mine, my DP says he'd be ok with it, don't know how my exDH partner would cope, but if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to go.

It's only March and he's got my back up.

[19lottie82]

Surely it's up to your son to decide what he wants to do on his birthday? Not you or his dad?

[BG2015]

I totally agree. He has the evening to spend with his friends.

I would like to think he would like to be with his family and celebrate during the day, even if it's only cake and fizz for an hour at home. He's very close to his grandparents (both sets) they will be disappointed if they don't see him.

He was my parents first grandchild - my dad doted on him and they have a very special bond. I'd like to think I've brought up a child/man that sees family as whats important and at least spend some of it with the 'oldies'

[RandomDent]

What does your son want to do?

[TinselTwins]

Sounds like he's gonna have a shit birthday that's not really about him at all

[ProudBadMum]

It's up to your son what he does. He might want to not bother with family and go get smashed with friends

I did

[BG2015]

He says he doesn't know, it's too soon to decide.

He did say he doesn't want to go drinking with his dad and grandad at 11am and spend all afternoon in the pub! He doesn't even drink that much.

He can do what he wants but I'd like to think he'd spend some of it with his family.

[WallisFrizz]

Just text back saying "no need to discuss this in March, we'll see what DS wants to do nearer the time".

[OverAndAbove]

It IS too soon to decide. Don't stress him (and yourself) out; it's almost a long long time away and in a teenager's life it's an even further off point. He'll be a grown up then, anyway!

[BG2015]

Overandabove - we can live in hope!

[EmeraldScorn]

December? It's March, you could all be dead by December for all you know (Hopefully not of course) but so many things could change between now and then, let him decide what he wants to do nearer the time!