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To want to have a clean kitchen for the morning

(50 Posts)
user1473602935 Fri 10-Mar-17 21:47:27

In our house, in general one person cooks and the other cleans up (or sometimes I'll do both so the washing up gets done that night)

DH likes to leave it to the morning to do, but since I always do the get up with our toddlers, AIBU to ask / expect him to do it on that night?

He's a d'ck about it if I ask. Drives me mad (I know I'm a tidy freak but is it too much to ask?)

Backingvocals Fri 10-Mar-17 21:56:51

agree with you I hate this. Single parent here so no rowing about division of duties but the kitchen must be wiped down, swept and dishwasher at least empty enough for breakfast things before I go to bed. Feels slovenly otherwise and I'm not a neat freak.

wobblywonderwoman Fri 10-Mar-17 21:58:54

I like a clean kitchen for the morning too.. At least you start the day with a fresh slate.

Why are you always doing the get up with toddlers?

ImperialBlether Fri 10-Mar-17 22:01:07

If he's not up in the morning then he should do it the night before. It's not fair expecting you to both get up and deal with the mess.

wetcardboard Fri 10-Mar-17 22:03:34


Waking up to dirty dishes is depressing. I act like an army general when it comes to my DH and washing up, if it's his turn, it's his turn, and I will remind him until it's done.

BanginChoons Fri 10-Mar-17 22:05:56

Yanbu. Another single parent here. Waking up to a tidy house is much nicer, and then the day is your own instead of having to clean up after yesterday before you start on today.

CatCafe Fri 10-Mar-17 22:10:12

YANBU. If you're getting up early to see to the children and it's his turn to do the clear up, he should make sure it's done in time for you to make use of the space without having to work around or clear up mess before you start.

DP and I tend to cook and eat seperately, I'm usually first so I make sure I clear up as I go along and wash up when I've finished so that he doesn't have my mess to deal with before he prepares his own meal.

I'm a total slattern half the time but I at least have the dishes neatly piled and surfaces washed down before I go to bed. There's nothing worse than having to start your day in a messy kitchen.

StillStayingClassySanDiego Fri 10-Mar-17 22:14:32

I love a clean kitchen and I twitch if it's ever left messy overnight, very occasionally dishes are left in the sink but the next morning it's sorted very quickly.

WhooooAmI24601 Fri 10-Mar-17 22:16:15

YANBU. I've never in my life gone to bed with pots in the sink, even after parties on New Years Eve I clear up. Don't back down on this, if it bothers you he should be willing to help out now he knows.

JaneEyre70 Fri 10-Mar-17 22:17:52

I get so cranky coming down to a muddly kitchen yet I invariably do as DH seems to think the dishwasher has a special door that only opens for my hand. He's nocturnal and sleeps badly, so he often makes tea, eats cereal/toast etc late evening/during the night all without his lenses in so he makes a horrendous mess and the stack of stuff I come down every morning makes me rage. I''d love to bolt the kitchen up at 10pm and not let him in it grin.

BackforGood Fri 10-Mar-17 22:17:58

I think YABU.
If I am going to do a job, then it's not really for anyone else to dictate when I do it.
I get the 'relaxing after a nice dinner', and choosing to start on the jobs the next day.

I'm not sure why you are always the one to get up early with the dc though ?

KatieScarlett Fri 10-Mar-17 22:18:55

We are clean up as you go people. I will say the dishwasher helps, though grin

PopGoesTheWeaz Fri 10-Mar-17 22:24:14

Totally agree. My DH tidies as I cook but he seems to only ever do 75% so inevitably I come down to food that hes forgotten to put away or dishwasher hes forgotten to put on or pans that haven't been washed (because they dont count hmm). So disheartening because like OP I'm the first one up and have to deal with ti (or at least be greeted with it)

PopGoesTheWeaz Fri 10-Mar-17 22:25:03

oh, and I clean as I go too so usually just dinner service and pans that need tidying up. grrrr

PJBanana Fri 10-Mar-17 22:25:07

Agree. I hate going to bed knowing that there's cleaning/tidying to do the next day.

PopGoesTheWeaz Fri 10-Mar-17 22:28:06

If I am going to do a job, then it's not really for anyone else to dictate when I do it.

Nope. Family life means family dictates the schedule. You can't say your are going to drop the kids at school but because you are doing it you get to dictate when it gets done. The kitchen needs to be tidied before it needs to be used again, ie before the non-cleaner goes in for breakfast.

AwaywiththePixies27 Fri 10-Mar-17 22:31:24

YNBU. Make him get up with the toddler in the morning, who'll presumably badger him to death if they're anything like my DCs whilst he washes the few dishes for breakfast. He'll quickly realise why you like a tidy kitchen in the morning.

Kiroro Fri 10-Mar-17 22:32:32

Clean down before bed. Might relax after dinner then do it last thing tho.

Only exception is if there is too much to fit in the DW then that gets put on, surfaces wiped down and dirty plates stacked to o in int the next DW load.

deliverdaniel Fri 10-Mar-17 22:33:31

hmm tricky one. I think on balance YABU- but only of course if he is generally an equal partner in housework/ childcare. My DH and I are the opposite. He likes to do cleaning/ organising the night before and I prefer to just relax at night and leave it for the morning. His logic is like yours- nice to come down to a clean kitchen in the morning. My logic is that we have young kids, busy jobs and very little actual 'free' time to relax. In the mornings we are not relaxing anyway but rushing around getting kids ready etc, we are doing jobs then anyway, so clearing up is not taking away from relaxing time, when in the evening it would be. Neither of us is right, it's just a preference. But he feels strongly about it, so he tends to do the washing up, and I tend to do other jobs instead. Maybe you could take turns choosing- when it's your turn, you do it at night, his turn, he does it in the morning.

crunched Fri 10-Mar-17 22:35:07

YABU in my opinion but my DH would say you are not.
We have the reverse situation. Like you, he is up first but I can't see why a few plates and pans stacked on the draining board make his/DCs breakfast unpleasant. IME he is a tidy freak and needs to chill.

kel1493 Fri 10-Mar-17 22:36:55

I agree. I like the kitchen to be clean and tidy before we sit down. Only thing we get up to are a couple of glasses that we were using the night before.
I couldn't relax knowing the kitchen wasn't tidy

BackforGood Fri 10-Mar-17 22:49:28

You can't say your are going to drop the kids at school but because you are doing it you get to dictate when it gets done

Eh? That's not got anything to do with this. Obviously the dc need to be at school before the school day starts.
People can eat breakfast when there are dishes / plates / pans / cutlery etc on the side waiting to be washed though.

Don't get me wrong, I prefer to clear up after a meal, however, that is my preference as others have said, it is neither 'right' nor 'wrong'

Derlei Fri 10-Mar-17 23:25:38

Yanbu. I'm the same. DH often has cereal or toast late at night in the sink "to soak" hmm. Annoys the hell out of me and genuinely makes me growl when I come downstairs in the morning. He's stopped doing it now though when I explained that it's not the fact I have to wash the dishes up that I'm annoyed about, I'm annoyed because I have to spend 15 minutes doing that when I could have spent that precious time doing other things while my DS is asleep. Like having breakfast. Or getting ready. Ever since DS came along, I hate losing time on his naps doing unnecessary jobs

NeedAGoodAnswer Fri 10-Mar-17 23:38:16

Yanbu- I always sleep better knowing it's clean. DH and I take it in turns to do early breakfast with the larks, and I hate it when he leaves the place in a tip. Especially when I never do that for him.

Plus everything hardens all night and takes longer to clean. Smells have lingered all night, nothing will be dry. Yuck!

MollyHuaCha Sat 11-Mar-17 07:29:04

Yes, the consensus is that you are right. But how to convince your other half? Make sure you don't end up doing the evening clean-up for him... wink

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