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AIBU?

Or just a slack parent to not be too bothered by this?

52 replies

EssieTregowan · 20/02/2017 12:45

We're on half term. Dh got up to go to work at 5.30 this morning to find DS1 (14) playing on his computer.

He came in to see me and said he's convinced ds has been up all night playing. He wants to talk about consequences when he gets in.

Now, while I obviously don't think it's ideal, I don't think it's that huge a deal as a one off in the holidays. He went into town at midday so if he's tired that's his own lookout.

He's a good lad, never any real trouble, helps round the house and does well at school. He does have a computer obsession but then so do all his mates. I just really don't see the harm in him staying up all night as a one off in the holidays. I used to stay up all night reading at his age, the freedom of not having to get up in the morning was intoxicating.

Anyway, DH wants to have a serious chat with him about bedtimes and respect (?). Aibu to head him off at the pass and say that actually this doesn't need a big stern talking to?

Or am I just being a bit slack here?

OP posts:

Report

winniewigs · 20/02/2017 12:47

It's not a great habit to get into, but if things are otherwise fine, and it's just a one off during the holidays, then I don't see the harm. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

BaconMaker · 20/02/2017 12:49

I don't see what "respect" has to do with it assuming he wasn't making any noise. If it's not a regular occurrence and your DS is able to get his sleep schedule back so he'll be getting up for school without being exhausted I probably wouldn't be bothered either. Unless you have set expectations for when computers have to be turned off I don't think DS has done anything wrong.

noblegiraffe · 20/02/2017 12:49

It's not great, but he got himself out of bed and went out instead of staying in bed all day so he should sleep tonight!

I'd have a word with DS, he'll know it wasn't a good idea but going in heavy when he's only done it once and it's the holidays is a bit OTT.

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 20/02/2017 12:50

"if he's tired that's his own lookout"

This! ^ YANBU OP

EssieTregowan · 20/02/2017 12:51

DH's point about respect is that we trust DS to switch his computer off and go to sleep at 10.30. We're normally in bed before that (DH gets up early and I just love my sleep ).

OP posts:

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 20/02/2017 12:51

It's not a big deal now, but if you don't put something in place you'll end up with a kid doing it regularly and then being unable to get up for school. Been there, done that.

Take the controller away before you go to bed. Assuming you're not in bed at 9pm of course!

gleam · 20/02/2017 12:51

Could dh be grumpy because he has to go to work this week and ds is on holiday?

2410ang · 20/02/2017 12:52

I think I would have a chat with DS just to make clear that he can't do this as a regular thing. It's not good for him to be up all night!

But that said if all else is well and it was a one-off I don't think there is any real harm.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain · 20/02/2017 12:52

It's not a big deal now, but if you don't put something in place you'll end up with a kid doing it regularly and then being unable to get up for school. Been there, done that.

^
This. Screens are addictive.

EssieTregowan · 20/02/2017 12:52

Gleam, I expect that's part of it. He's doing an absolute shit ton of overtime as well at the moment so is a bit grumpy in general.

OP posts:

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 20/02/2017 12:52

Oh x-post.

If you trust him to turn it off and he hasn't then DH has a point. Xbox is very addictive and if you get into the cycle of very late nights it can be hard to break.

I wouldn't go in all guns blazing but I would maybe give him one more chance before taking the controller away at bedtime.

EssieTregowan · 20/02/2017 12:53

I can't see him doing it in term time. He enjoys school and wouldn't jeopardise that, I don't think.

OP posts:

EssieTregowan · 20/02/2017 12:54

I'll have a word with him when he gets in, but I'll ask dh to hold fire for a bit.

OP posts:

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 20/02/2017 12:54

I think at 14 if your DS is not too tired to do his best at school, participate in family life and have a social life then he's managing his sleep fine. Obviously if any of these areas start to slip then then ywnbu to step in and introduce some rules, but otherwise I'd let him crack on. He's on holiday!

creampinkrose · 20/02/2017 12:56

Is DH his dad?

willconcern · 20/02/2017 12:57

I'm with your DH. DS has ignored & disrespected the rules you've put in place for computer usage. I'd be having words with my DS too.

gandalf456 · 20/02/2017 12:57

I wouldn't be happy if mine did this. I wouldn't see it as a respect issue, though. I just think there are better ways to spend time

noblegiraffe · 20/02/2017 12:58

He might have ignored the rules but it's time to renegotiate. Expecting a 14 year old to be in bed by 10:30 in the holidays is a bit much.

ChipmunkSundays · 20/02/2017 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RubyWinterstorm · 20/02/2017 13:01

I don't think you can be sure it's a one-off, how can you know?

Teens need their sleep, and playing all night shows an unhealthy level of obsession/addiction and I'd have a chat (am not an all-guns-blazing parent)

fairweathercyclist · 20/02/2017 13:01

Expecting a 14 year old to be in bed by 10:30 in the holidays is a bit much

Is it? I don't really know about bed-times for younger teens. What sort of time is common? I go to bed around 10pm myself.

RubyWinterstorm · 20/02/2017 13:02

Am parent to teens, fwiw

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Coconut0il · 20/02/2017 13:02

I'm often in bed before DS1, 13 during the holidays. We're pretty firm about lights out/bedtime during term time but not during the holidays. If I'd told him to turn everything off at a certain time and he'd ignored me there would be consequences but if I'd just said goodnight I wouldn't say anything. As you say if he's tired it was his choice.

creampinkrose · 20/02/2017 13:05

Do we definitely know for absolute sure he WAS up all night?

Anyway, it might be best to turn the WiFi off when you go to bed.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/02/2017 13:06

"DH's point about respect is that we trust DS to switch his computer off and go to sleep at 10.30."
I there was no conversation along the lines of 'I'm on holiday tomorrow, can I stay up later' then yes, there needs to be a talk about that later.

Not a massive ticking-off, but reinforcement that he is expected to not stay up all night, this is not to become a habit (else he might think he can do this every Friday night, say) and that not being sensible on this occasion may colour your decision on whether or not he is mature enough for other freedoms he might wish.

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