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Mum getting on my nerves about breastfeeding

(30 Posts)
FunkyFantasticFudgeball Wed 15-Feb-17 10:39:07

I don't know whether I'm being unreasonable or not but my mother is getting on my nerves over me breastfeeding my baby. She's a real earth mother type, had drug free births, followed attachment parenting when i was a baby when they're wasn't really a name for it, breastfed my sister until she was a toddler.

My first little girl was born 4 years ago and I just presumed I would breastfeed however it didn't work out. I expressed for her and topped up with formula but she was a very challenging baby, always had difficulty feeding even from a bottle and was slow to gain weight so at 3 weeks I switched completely to formula. This whole experience left me feeling guilty, inadequate and very down for a long time.

Fast forward to now, my 2nd baby was born 8 months ago, again I tried to breastfeed and this time it went great. We had trouble at the start, she had a tongue tie released and her latch took a while to improve but since that we've been flying it. Anyway my mum has been weird about the breastfeeding since the start and it's getting my back up, when dd2 was about 2 weeks old she wanted to come over to the house to see the baby feeding. At this stage we had just had the tie snipped, feeding was still very painful (one deformed and cracked nipple) and I had to practically undress for each feed. There's no way I wanted an audience. She makes comments all the time, any time she's holding the baby she asks is she hungry and says oh I've nothing left for you, my milk's all dried up. Even now I was on the phone to her and the baby was shouting a bit, she goes does she need a little suck. These kind of comments are character, aren't you get you know when she's tired, had a dirty nappy eyc, i never knew what to do just popped you on the boob. I'm very comfortable breastfeeding anywhere and in front of anyone except her. If I'm feeding dd2 in front of my mum she stares over, says suck suck suck, only talks about breastfeeding, she can't just ignore it and carry on a normal conversation like everyone else.

She also keeps saying to me that it's amazing and I should be proud of myself where 8 months on I'm just following the easy option, I had such a rough time with dd1 and it was such a struggle that I feel much prouder of overcoming those obstacles.

She's probably just trying to relive that part of her life but it makes me so uncomfortable, I avoid feeding in front of her at all now. I can't imagine saying anything to get, I don't want to hurt her feelings but I feel there's so much mite to raising a baby than the easy they're fed

cavatron Wed 15-Feb-17 10:51:19

"Suck suck suck"?! What the....!

You need to ask her firmly to stop commenting as it's making you uncomfortable.

TheElephantofSurprise Wed 15-Feb-17 10:54:36

She's your mother, she's going to get on your nerves.
As precious as your children are to you, you are to her.
She probably thinks/hopes that this is something you have in common.

Trifleorbust Wed 15-Feb-17 10:59:54

Just tell her you don't like her commenting, it's making you feel awkward feeding in front of her.

specialsubject Wed 15-Feb-17 11:19:29

Tell her to shut up about it, the baby is at risk of being bored to death.

EweAreHere Wed 15-Feb-17 11:21:11

Suck, suck, suck...!!

Tell her to knock it the hell off.

Olympiathequeen Wed 15-Feb-17 11:21:17

Urghh! That would make me so uncomfortable. My mother was also an earth mother type, but she just made no mention of my bfing, except to encouraged me to give up when DS2 was 3 and which I agreed with her on despite me only giving up when I was 4!

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 15-Feb-17 11:22:11

Just tell her it makes you uncomfortable and pits you off Breast feeding.

Only you know your mum and only you know if it's from a starting point of kindness so only you can choose how to say it

user1484750550 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:23:51

Yeah mother or not, I would be giving her a wide berth and seeing her less for several months. And I would NOT be feeding baby in front of her. Her behaviour is a bit odd imo. If you can't tell her to stfu, then avoid her for a while. Or get someone else to have a word!!!

Bear2014 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:24:05

Yes, it's weird and boring. I genuinely don't understand why anyone is so interested or invested in how other people feed their babies. I think I would have to have a word with her!

MaryTheCanary Wed 15-Feb-17 11:27:31

If you want a non-confrontation way to stop this, say something along the lines of, "It's better to stay away from the subject of breastfeeding while I'm looking after the baby--it makes me feel overly self-conscious and then I find it harder to get her latched on and my milk doesn't flow as well as it normally does. So could we just stick to other subjects and not draw attention to it?"

Caenea Wed 15-Feb-17 11:30:06

My MIL and DGM make the "ooo I've got nothing left for you!" remarks if they're holding her and she starts rooting. It's really odd! My mum doesn't but then she didn't breastfeed (twins, both of us with tongue tie and when she did manage to get me especially to latch it wasn't right and was painful) - I think it's just something they say to alert me really. Still, I never liked it and what worked for me was saying "Hand her over then, I've got so much I'm spouting!" It made them both a bit uncomfortable so they've packed it in.

Anyway, that's how I deal with it - by out-weirding them.

puppetpoppet Wed 15-Feb-17 11:33:02

Maybe it's also her way of getting some kind of validation for her parenting choices? Because presumably she was really going against the flow then. Which doesn't make it any less irritating or intrusive so I sincerely hope you can find a way to get through to her that this isn't on.

FunkyFantasticFudgeball Wed 15-Feb-17 11:37:17

Out weirding her, I love it!! OK I'm relieved it's not just me who thinks it's odd. In a way it's sad because I think she probably sees it as a way for us to bond over a similar experience but it's having the opposite effect on me, I'm on edge all the time with her. I'll think of a way to tell her to stop, I'm worried she'll be hurt so I'll have to do it carefully

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 15-Feb-17 11:39:50

If it helps at all my mum constants makes comments along the lines of "ohhhh are you filling your pants" and that makes me irrationally furious

NeedsAsockamnesty Wed 15-Feb-17 11:40:12

Obviously she makes them to the baby not to me

milkshake1973 Wed 15-Feb-17 11:40:31

It sounds as though she's trying to be supportive but yeah... it would make me feel uncomfortable and self conscious. I think anyone overly drawing attention to anything is uncomfortable/ awkward. I would be honest about how it makes you feel but at least she's sort of being supportive rather than critical i.e someone I know well, ahem!

TobleroneBoo Wed 15-Feb-17 11:41:53

It depends on the dynamic of your relationship with your mum. In the same situation, I could say to my mum " thats a bit weird" and she would knock it on the head.

Caenea Wed 15-Feb-17 11:42:35

Ha, I've got what my DGM refers to as "brass balls" - and what my mum calls "no bloody filter".

I think that honestly you should just gently take the baby when she says that - physically remove her if you have to - and literally just say "I know you mean well Mum, but you saying that makes me uncomfortable. I'd really prefer if you didn't say it." then just change the subject. If she then persists it's probably time to say "Listen, I asked you to stop it. Either stop saying that or stop holding her."

Eventually she'll get the message.

Ordinarily Wed 15-Feb-17 11:44:39

Tell her "you made your decisions about feeding, I'd like to you respect that I will make mine". Tell her it's not up for discussion, and don't feed in front of her. You could even say that if she starts talking about it you will end the phone call or ask her to leave.

SukeyTakeItOffAgain Wed 15-Feb-17 11:47:13

Ew. What a weirdo. Tell her to shut up.

Rugbyplayersarehot Wed 15-Feb-17 11:48:32

Yes irritating. I remember being very irritated with my dm for always putting a cushion behind my babies when they were way past the falling back stage grin

Just tell her to stop commenting it's getting on your tits, literally

pictish Wed 15-Feb-17 11:50:19

I think bfing was a happy time for her and she's steeped in nostalgia and enthusiasm. However, I can understand how it is making you feel uncomfortable too. I don't think I would like it either.

hearyoume Wed 15-Feb-17 11:54:41

My DM is similar. She bf me and loves seeing me bf DD. She is super into bf like it's some mad religion. "Oh she needs mummy's milk", "She needs a mummy dummy" etc. All very weird. I don't say anything. It doesn't annoy me but I do find it really weird. If it annoys you, say something.

pictish Wed 15-Feb-17 11:55:03

P.s I had an upfront relationship with my mum and used to just tell her if she was annoying me. She was similarly blunt. We really loved each other though...it was fine to be like that. I'd have said, "Mum stop fixating on me bfing...it's weird." and she would have huffed a bit but stopped. I also would have said, "Shut up!" at "suck suck suck" and given her the hmm face.

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