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to think potential boyfriend should pay for the bill?

(41 Posts)
mrslooce Wed 01-Feb-17 15:59:26

Went out on a 3rd day, bill came up, and I offered to pay. He said not to worry, I then asked if he was sure and then he said okay why don't we go halfs each? We paid halves each.

AIBU to think he should have then said it was fine? Please be honest.

MaximumVolume Wed 01-Feb-17 16:01:36

Halves is fine. Do you think the man should always pay or that you should take turns to "treat" each other?

pinkie1982 Wed 01-Feb-17 16:01:39

Who paid the last two times? Halves is fine I think. If it is a problem for you why offer a second time? Maybe he thought you felt awkward about him paying again?

unicornsIlovethem Wed 01-Feb-17 16:01:48

I think what he said was fair enough. I don't see why he should have to pay, especially on a third date.

IneedmoreLemonPledge Wed 01-Feb-17 16:02:09

If he said fine the first time why did you question it?

He said it was fine, You questioned it, he thought you weren't happy for him to pay all of it and he suggested halves. Was he supposed to read from that that he should fight to pay? confused

How confusing for him.

wonderingsoul Wed 01-Feb-17 16:02:10

But you asked him if he was sure.....

He prob felt like you was uncomfortable not paying....

Its a 3rd date... i would expect to pay for all off it and deff would have said to go halfs.

Perfectlypurple Wed 01-Feb-17 16:02:23

Why do you think he should pay? It's very old fashioned to expect men to pay for everything simply because they are men.

Gallavich Wed 01-Feb-17 16:02:41

He's not your boyfriend, he's a man you're dating. Of course you should pay half.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Wed 01-Feb-17 16:03:56

You did ask if he was sure... I'd rather, if I questioned/offered to pay, he said to go halves rather than insisting on paying himself tbh.

unfortunateevents Wed 01-Feb-17 16:04:23

if you wanted him to pay, why did you ask a second time? How was he supposed to know that you would ask him the question twice and expect him to change his mind, you gave the distinct impression that you wanted to pay or split the bill. He is not a mind reader!

Mynestisfullofempty Wed 01-Feb-17 16:05:40

What's wrong with paying half each?

Fallonjamie Wed 01-Feb-17 16:06:07

So you weren't offering to pay at all. You were expecting to look like you'd offered but sure he'd insist.

That backfired!

NootNoot Wed 01-Feb-17 16:07:35

Still going halves 4 years on.... unless it's my birthday or he really wants to plan a special night...just feel it's fairer personally.

KurriKurri Wed 01-Feb-17 16:08:02

So you offered to pay
He then offered to pay
You said are you sure
he said let's go halves.

So you are half a bill better off than if he'd accepted your first offer. That sounds like a good result to me.

How is he supposed to know you want him to pay when you are sending out very mixed clues?
And why should he pay for everything.
'Potential Boyfriend' sounds as if you are setting him a series of tests to see if he is boyfriend material and has failed this one, by paying half towards a bill you said you would pay all of.

IToldYouIWasFreaky Wed 01-Feb-17 16:09:02

If you wanted him to pay, why did you offer to pay and then ask if he was sure when he offered?! confused

IMHO, early dating should be halves, then once you are established you can take turns to treat each other to keep things fair.

OlennasWimple Wed 01-Feb-17 16:09:15

Sounds like you are way over thinking all of this...

mrslooce Wed 01-Feb-17 16:10:03

Oh, clearly I'm in the wrong grin thanks everyone

TaliDiNozzo Wed 01-Feb-17 16:12:14

Why would you expect him to pay? Have you paid the whole bill previously?

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Wed 01-Feb-17 16:14:56

I think only just date 3! I'd be expecting to pay half still

Until a proper relationship is established I think half each is the way to go

BonnesVacances Wed 01-Feb-17 16:23:55

Halves is ok. You went from offering to pay the whole bill to only paying half. I would feel that he was trying to be the big I AM if he kept paying tbh. Sometimes it's nice to be treated as an equal. grin

purplefizz26 Wed 01-Feb-17 16:24:21

Anybody who actually expects the man to pay is very unreasonable, cheeky and old fashioned.

Why should the man give you a free dinner?

It's 2017. Times have changed.

Halves is the only fair way. Unless one person absolutely insists, then take it in turns.

Gallavich Wed 01-Feb-17 16:27:32

Back in the day, young men would have had much more disposable income than women. They would probably have lived at home before getting married, or in digs. Young women wouldn't necessarily have had full time jobs and would probably have been paid less anyway. Dating rules that evolved in those days cannot be applied to now when
a) women are as likely to be earning well as men, conversely men are as likely to have massive financial outgoings as women
b) we have often all been round the block once or twice and are not young courting couples.
There is literally no reason why men should pay for women on dates. You aren't pay per view and your company should not be monetised. If you aren't sure that a man is worth the outlay of a meal after 2 dates then just go for a drink.
It's different when it's an actual boyfriend as you will treat each other at times but 3 dates is not a relationship.

stella23 Wed 01-Feb-17 16:29:50

Why would you expect him to pay? Seriously, why should he pay for your food?

He offered you said no, should be force you?

MrsTerryPratchett Wed 01-Feb-17 16:30:03

DH paid the first, I paid the second, he paid the third. I had to fight him a little as he felt he should pay for some undefined reason...--the patriarchy-- At the time we earned about the same. If someone earns significantly more, it is slightly more complicated.

When we go out to dinner with my parents, him and Dad fight over the bill while Mum and I roll our eyes.

It's a combination of sexism and feminism that works for us.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Wed 01-Feb-17 16:31:40

Every week when dh and I watch First Dates he visibly cringes when the man agrees to pay halves. I think it's fine but he's a traditional chaphmmgrin

I just think you confused the bloke OP! What was he meant to do when you questioned him paying?

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