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AIBU - Has anyone had this?

(58 Posts)
SingingInTheRainstorm Tue 31-Jan-17 18:18:20

I'll try and make it as brief as I can, but good bedtime reading or if you're bored. My friend bought something up which is getting to her still. I said one way to find out...

She had a DF who turned into DP and she got engaged. They decided that with her problems they would ttc after she had an operation. They moved in together, which was hijacked by her SIL not wanting them to have a better house. Her SIL wanted to know all finances, every house viewing, furniture choices & colour schemes. Some BF had never done before, so reasonably annoyed.
At some point with the excitement of ttc she let it slip but wasn't prepared for what happened next. SIL decided her plan to ttc had to be bought forward causing huge rows & her DH taking a bit of time out as he was against it.
BF got pregnant but had problems, was really worried, they let her have scans, meantime SIL going crazy ttc with OPK's and doing everything by book and asking BF for advice. On the final scan which confirmed pregnancy was over which SIL knew about, she calls her on the way back saying omg you've got to come round. BF more or less knew that it was ttc related, literally less than an hour after a scan she was presented with possible BFP's. Obviously she was excited for her but also a bit shocked at same time given the timing.
So SIL's pg is confirmed and she's still calling BF, she was that worried her first pg would end in disaster which there was no reason too, it made grieving quite hard. The Dr's were saying no to a scan until 7 weeks as no need, I think she felt this unfair as BF had scans from 5 weeks onwards. Anyway she made sure she got that scan and everyone was over the moon.
SIL's behaviour was affecting both her and fiancé. She started next cycle with tx and it was in her head that with SIL all along it was a competition to make the parents grandparents first. She even felt guilty for the temp split as if she'd not said anything out of excitement then nothing would have changed for SIL.
It was a really hard time for BF, when baby was born they went to the hospital, she noticed a change in her DH. When they visited and held the baby sometimes her DH would get upset, BF was given dirty looks like it was her fault. Which medically speaking maybe, but it's not a choice.
Eventually BF split from her DH, she was ok at first as it didn't sink in, then she was mortified as she married him thinking they'd be together forever. She even says now she took the vows seriously, she thought she was going to grow old with the guy. It was a huge shock, no children involved.
In a way she felt that it was proved blood is thicker than water, as at every turn she'd have SIL calling most days, making arrangements, he loved his nephew so much that he said he had to make him a priority which she didn't disagree with. The MC tests on them both proved inconclusive, so it was like they were stuck in limbo. I suggested adoption or surrogacy which she was ok with, but he didn't agree.
We talk quite a bit, she still has trouble getting over what happened. She blames herself, I don't think she should. I think it's hard as she was so in love and believed they'd get the fairytale ending.
Has anyone else had a SIL like it, or had a situation with a friend/family turning getting pregnant into a competition.

Katy07 Tue 31-Jan-17 18:24:30

I got confused with trying to work out all the different abbreviations and who did what so I'm not even sure who had a baby and who didn't - sorry confused

TheHodgeoftheHedge Tue 31-Jan-17 18:25:28

I honestly can't make head or tail of this and the abbreviations being used so cannot offer any comment.

Ilovecaindingle Tue 31-Jan-17 18:28:00

If her dh couldn't stand by her and tell his sis to stfu she is well rid of him. He was no Prince Charming after all.
Sorry she has had to go through all of this but she is well rid of her all imo.

hotdrinkandaliedown Tue 31-Jan-17 18:30:32

Your poor friend. Can you suggest counselling to try and get past this? It's awful what happened to her but she needs to find a way to move on.

QueenofallIsee Tue 31-Jan-17 18:30:46

I'd like a vowel please Carol

pipsqueak25 Tue 31-Jan-17 18:31:32

nope, sorry i don't get it either, is this a reverse ? would you explain it a little clearer so we can help ?

CripsSandwiches Tue 31-Jan-17 18:32:31

Her DH should have supported his wife over his sister. It kind of sounds like they viewed her as a baby incubator.

pipsqueak25 Tue 31-Jan-17 18:32:53

queen tbh i need wine, my brain has mashed, i'd like to offer help but...

MauiChristmas Tue 31-Jan-17 18:33:14

Jealousy and hormonal reactions over pregnancy and fertility isn't unusual. But it's not really your business to worry.

Your writing style is unusual.

AnyFucker Tue 31-Jan-17 18:34:33


Arkhamasylum Tue 31-Jan-17 18:36:47

Is there a lot of this story missing?

ConfessorKahlan Tue 31-Jan-17 18:37:47

Sorry. No idea what all that was about!

usernumbernonsense Tue 31-Jan-17 18:39:04

Your friend was trying to conceive with her dh. THey got pregnant but had a miscarriage. Her sil decided to also try to conceive and flaunted in front of your friends face (after the sil trying to take over soft furnishing choices) Sil had her baby. Your friends dh decided his nephew was more important than anything and their marriage ended, and now everyone is blaming the sil

Am I close?

honeylulu Tue 31-Jan-17 18:41:29

So ... SIL had a baby and friend didn't? And friend then split with husband?

Grittyshunts Tue 31-Jan-17 18:41:48

confessor same! confused

MrsA2015 Tue 31-Jan-17 18:42:49

I think you may need to re write this post

SingingInTheRainstorm Tue 31-Jan-17 18:43:01

The counselling is a good idea, I'm just acting to support her.

Basically my best friend had a DH with an interfering sister. When she said they were going to TTC, SIL also changed her plans and it became like a race almost as to who had their monthly first. Best friend tried to be there for SIL through lots of losses, the biggest insult being come and look at my positive tests after she'd had a scan to say she'd passed everything. The SIL maintained this interfering stance, had a baby and it was like she had more power with the baby, as the tests the NHS do on both parties for miscarriage showed nothing. Whilst the interfering drove her insane she would smile and then let it all out to me or one of our friends. In the end the DH decided there were no viable options going forward so has split with her. She married thinking it would be for life and her life is now upside down. Any time she goes to try and reconcile SIL is there like a shield. Firstly I wondered if anyone else had encountered competitiveness when trying to conceive with friends or family who weren't planning on but now thought it was a marvellous idea. Have any of you encountered relatives that seem to pull all the strings in a family / relationship.

SingingInTheRainstorm Tue 31-Jan-17 18:44:06

I know this is Mumsnet and not an infertility forum, but can't help thinking she's down on her luck.

Heratnumber7 Tue 31-Jan-17 18:44:19

I gave up about a third of the way through!

Can you summarise OP?

Lilaclily Tue 31-Jan-17 18:45:11

Hopefully your friend can move on and leave the whole mess behind

Pettywoman Tue 31-Jan-17 18:45:14

Friend had a lucky escape from a spineless husband and a twat of a SIL. It is horrible to have a miscarriage but very common and usually doesn't mean you won't have another child. How old is she? Is she young enough to meet someone else to have a family with?

usernumbernonsense Tue 31-Jan-17 18:45:50

The sil isn't the problem surely as annoying as she sounds it is the DH who has behaved badly?

TheHodgeoftheHedge Tue 31-Jan-17 18:46:29

I still don't understand why the DH split with her. What does "no viable options" mean?!

Mumzypopz Tue 31-Jan-17 18:47:05

Ok, so what's TTC?

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