More baby name weirdness

[Tabbylady]

I was quietly thinking I was definitely BU until I saw the toby baby/dog thread and started thinking I may not be in the wrong... so thoughts would be welcome!

I am 20wk pregnant and it's a girl. We have 2 DS. I'm Scottish but theoretically mixed race via Indian gran though I look "white" (this is relevant) DH is Irish. We have 2 DS.

I have a friend who I made through work. She's british with pakistani heritage with a swedish DH. They recently moved to my village. We get on well but she has some odd ideas about culture etc. I wore a saree to an Indian friend's wedding and she got upset at me for "cultural appropriation", she defines herself as pakistani though parents were born in scotland etc. Tradition is important to her and that's fine.

DH and I always said that we'd call any DD a Scottish name we love (it's not Isla!) And give her the Irish name of his sister who sadly died in childhood as a middle name. Both are v unusual but go nicely and we may double barrel (think like anna-marie but not)

I have had the baby name chat with my friend a few times and she knows this.

This weekend she told me she's pg too! She told me if it's a girl she wants our Irish name. I said "oh but thats DH sis name" and she said ah yeah our other choice is our scottish name I was a bit too taken aback and just said "errrm" and then her DH came in and changed subject.

Now I know I can't own names but these are specific to us and I'm surprised by her - thought she would pick something pakistani or swedish, especially given her prev behaviour re culture.

Our kids will be in the same small class at school

AIBU to think this is a bit off? How do I approach her without seeming like I want ALL THE NAMES for myself?

[Coffeeisnecessary]

Hmm that is odd! But presumably your baby will be born first?

[Janey50]

Well obviously as she has only just told you she's pregnant,your baby will be born well before hers. When you go ahead and name your baby with the names that you want,that she now says SHE wants,maybe she will change her mind?

[MakeMyWineADouble]

Your baby will be born first name her what you want. Your friend can decide if she wants to be the same or not when it's her turn!

[Rosae]

So she's going for Marie and you are having Anna-Marie? I don't think it will be seen as odd if that is your worry. As it is the second name I think people will hear them as different names. Who's baby is fire to arrive first? If yours is, I'd continue with your plan, she might change her mind one yours is named.

[Gallavich]

Never tell people your name choices! But yeah, you get to go first so she can either copy you like a weirdo or choose something else.

[user1484317265]

I don't know why people aren't more up front about this. She said her chosen names were the same as yours. Why didn't you just say that "Thats the two names I told you we were using, is there any particular reason you have chosen them too? Especially as we will be using them first and our children will probably be in the same class?"

Main lesson though is just not to tell people the names you pick before hand!

[Tabbylady]

True my baby will be first and hers may well be a boy

I just thought it was a bit odd and actually told her as with her views I never thought she'd consider an Irish name. Especially not one that her Swedish DH will struggle to say! I guess I just want my DD to have something a bit unique and special that will remind DH of his much loved sister.

Rosae it's not actually anna marie- just an example. Both names much more unusual, don't think they're in the top 1000 at present.

I guess I'm just wondering what might have influenced her choices as I find it rather odd

[ProudBadMum]

Mention a Change of names and see if she mentions a change later on

Just ignore. She sounds a bit loopy. Congratulations on the baby

[MakeMyWineADouble]

you will never know her reasons let her crack on the name will be unique to you DD cause if the meaning

[DrivingMeBonkers]

'Cultural appropriation' for wearing a sari? I'd let her loose in the nightwear section of any chain store and watch her go dipshit at people purchasing pyjamas. Then I'd walk her down to the local estate agents and point out a few bungalows to her. Then I'd walk her across to That Shop and waggle a few bangles at her.

She will make your life hell. Disengage now.

[PamBalam]

She's one of those people you usually meet through work, who seems nice and normal at first, but is actually secretly bonkers. The more you get to know them, the more their true bonkersness comes to light, and then before you know it you're in too deep and you're stuck with them and their bonkersness.

Phase her out. While you still can.

[bunnylove99]

YANBU. It's really off for her to choose the same names. We had friends who had their first 4 weeks before ours. They had a little girl and gave her the name we were going to use. They didn't know our intentions but as soon as they had their baby we just thought 'oh well, we should choose a different name now' that's what your friend should do, especially given connection to your DH sister .

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

She obviously likes the name. Bit odd considering her previous stance but so what? This is the name of her child. She understandably wants a name she really love. Who cares if it's the same as your daughter?

[Crunchymum]

So you have two names - both not even in the top 1000 (surely you mean top 100??) which you may double-barrell and she is now saying her first choice name is your baby's second name and her second choice is your baby's first name?

Weird and I'd be praying she has a boy!!

[ThatsWotSheSaid]

Its extremely odd that she said the exact unusual names. Could it have been a joke?

[backtowork2015]

Just use the names, she will look the weird one, if you distance yourself no one will even clock it if both dc are sharing a name. A lot can happen in 5 yrs they won't necessarily go to the same school

[gleam]

Yes, never tell anyone your names! Our choice for a boy was mentioned by dh to one of his mates. Next time he saw him, his sister had named her boy . And then a year later, dh's mate also used for his son. Bemused!

[Mumzypopz]

You don't own a name. There are lots of kids in classes with the same name so don't worry about it.

[Tabbylady]

Glad people do think it's weird!

ThatsWotSheSaid DH suggested that, but she's really a quite serious soul and not one for silly jokes. We do well at work as I'm pretty serious there too but am less so at home! He did point out that she bought a (bigger) house round the corner within 6 months of us buying ours too, maybe not so much coincidence

crunchymum no, top 1000- though the stats are always for E&W so suspect it would come higher in Ireland and Scotland respectively.

Maybe I should tell her I've made a mistake and it's actually a boy we're having, then pick some godawful name and see if she goes with it if she has a DS....

Will be hard to phase her out given we're neighbours and still work together...

[Tabbylady]

Also it's similar to Rionach. How on earth will her poor Swedish DH hope to pronounce it? Though I suppose if they pick the same thing they might end up pronouncing it differently so it'll be less obvious

[bonfireheart]

Next time she talks to you about cultural appropriation ask her why she "appropriated" a man of a different culture.
Why are you friends with her?

[DonttouchthatLarry]

Tell her you've changed your mind and have picked a Pakistani name

[ollieplimsoles]

Threads like these just take me back to a lady I met in antenatal before we had dd. Got talking to her, she was having a boy and they had their hearts set on his name- both her parents had died sadly and she wanted her maiden name a his first name (along the lines of Jackson) and her dad's first name as his middle name (something like paul) She had told her sil, who had a baby four weeks before this lady was due...and you can guess what her sil named her son? Correct- Jackson Paul. Even though she made it clear it was after her deceased parents .
The sil registered it and everything, her explanation was she just liked the name and her baby came first....

After that I was aware of the cuntyness some people will stoop to with baby names, so we kept our chosen one for dd firmly under our hat.

[stella23]

You need to get in 1st, tell all and sundry what you intend calling your baby, she might start telling people, then it will look like you stole it

[fassbendersmistress]

I had a friend do this. I told her my fave boy/girl names at some point after she had named her Ds1 (I was TTC) and then when her DS2 turned up (while I was still TTC) she gave him my fave name despite never having mentioned it as a contender before. Felt sneaky but I didn't own it. Despite claiming she was never having any more kids, when I finally fell pregnant she spent my entire pregnancy 'reminding' me that if she had a girl it would be called...yes, you guessed it, the fave name I had told her! (I had DS).

Her behaviour was a subtle warning sign to be honest, we are no longer friends for a number of reasons. Your friend is displaying similar sneaky, slightly manipulative traits, so proceed with caution OP.