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To not go to my sisters wedding

(40 Posts)
user1483804139 Sat 21-Jan-17 18:00:25

It's not til next year but we rarely see or speak to each other.

Gottagetmoving Sat 21-Jan-17 18:05:44

YANBU to refuse an invite to any wedding. Your choice.
I wouldn't want anyone at my wedding who didn't want to be there.

llangennith Sat 21-Jan-17 18:08:35

Go anyway. You might become closer in the future and you'd have missed her wedding.

EstrangedSister Sat 21-Jan-17 18:08:38

I'm not going to my sister's wedding. We don't like each other (huge backstory, both utter cunts to one another, I've owned it and she hasn't) but she invited me. I've sent a response saying I'm unable to attend without giving lies reasons. As MN says, it's an invitation and not a summons. I suspect that she will see this as a huge snub and will forever say that I ruined our relationship, but her behaviour in the past (and then sending this invitation) are what has ruined the relationship. She's manipulating/gas lighting by sending the invitation.

ilovesooty Sat 21-Jan-17 18:08:58

Have you been invited?

Onthecouchagain Sat 21-Jan-17 18:20:45

EstrangedSister, you don't seem like youve "owned it", far from it.

EstrangedSister Sat 21-Jan-17 18:26:59

Based on what Onthecouch - I've apologised for my atrocious behaviour and I've moved on with my life. She has only ever said that "what happened was unavoidable" which is not the same. It's ok for me to move on with my life and accept that we can't have a relationship based on any kind of mutual respect. I think that if there were to be a rapprochement after several years that her wedding is probably not the time. I doubt this has been reflected on, knowing who my sister is, and know that my non attendance will be presented as a snub when actually it's the right thing for me to do (for me).

EweAreHere Sat 21-Jan-17 18:42:52

You can decline politely. You wouldn't owe anyone an explanation, because, as people have rightfully pointed out, it's an invitation not a summons.

But, in 10, 20 years, how will you feel about it looking back? If ultimately you do what a better relationship with your sister and think it's achievable, is not going out of what appears to be spite really the way to go? Even a brief, low key appearance for the ceremony and reception and wishing them well might be a welcome nod towards wanting a better relationship with her long term.

Entirely up to you of course.

TheWitTank Sat 21-Jan-17 18:45:08

I would go if the relationship was just distant but not unpleasant. It may be an opportunity to become closer if you would like too.

Amber76 Sat 21-Jan-17 18:47:26

Go. Even if you don't like her presumably there will be other family members you can catch up with? Be the bigger person... go, leave early with an excuse if it makes it more bearable.

HyacinthsBucket Sat 21-Jan-17 18:49:38

Depends on the back story to be honest. My sister was my best friend my whole life, we saw each other every day until she met the man she's now with and he's poisonous. If they got married, there is no way I'd go and support it. But if you are just not close and there's no reason, then you should make the effort.

KitKat1985 Sat 21-Jan-17 19:03:52

If it's just that you don't see her much, rather than you actively don't like her, then I'd go personally, unless there's mitigating reasons why going would be a complete PITA (like the wedding is abroad or something).

Lilaclily Sat 21-Jan-17 19:06:33

It depends entirely on whether or not you want a relationship with her

She has made the first step by inviting you

You could ring her and say you want to come but want to resolve the issues between you

Life is too short for all this crap

clementineorange Sat 21-Jan-17 19:08:28

My friend and her sister weren't talking to each other for some stupid reason for about 9 months.

My friend is 36, her sister is 38.

Two weeks ago her sister was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer and has weeks to live.

My friend is at her sisters side.

Life is short.

seven201 Sat 21-Jan-17 19:09:04

I rarely see or speak to my cousin but I went to her wedding. I think if you've been invited and you don't hate her immensely then you should go.

Squiff85 Sat 21-Jan-17 19:15:31

Don't know how to tag but Hyacinth I could have written the same sad

AddToBasket Sat 21-Jan-17 19:17:07

Go. It's 48hrs out of your life and some cash. Swallow it.

DeathStare Sat 21-Jan-17 19:18:28

There's no one right answer on this. I don't think it's unreasonable. Your family, including your sister, might and therefore there could be repercussions.

GloriaGaynor Sat 21-Jan-17 19:31:27

I'd just do it to support your parents and be the bigger person.

Carnabyqueen Sat 21-Jan-17 19:32:12

IT might be nice to attend. Build bridges etc. Hard to say without more information. Will your family be upset if you don't go?

BackforGood Sat 21-Jan-17 19:34:47

Impossible to say without more information.

Have you fallen out?
Was it major?
Is it something that can ever be resolved?

(In which case possibly not)

or

Are you just different sort of people, living different sorts of lives?

(In which case I would)

and

Is it in a difficult to get to place, and you are either in physical difficulties, or about to give birth, or have just given birth , or completely broke? (which leans towards you not going)

or

Is it local / not going to cost you a lot / not going to take that much time / you are fit and well (which leans towards going.

Ultimately it's an invitation, but it would have to be a serious reason not to go to a sister's wedding.

Iamastonished Sat 21-Jan-17 19:35:18

I see my sister about once a year - but we do live hundreds of miles apart. She isn't great at keeping in touch either, but we do actually like each other and really enjoy each others company when we do get together.

If you don't dislike your sister why can't you go to her wedding? I agree with EweAreHere that if you want to build a relationship with your sister this is the ideal opportunity.

However, without a back story this advice might be useless.

HyacinthsBucket Sat 21-Jan-17 19:36:25

Squiff85 you have my sympathy - i could never have seen this coming in a million years. It's the worst feeling in the world.

Bluntness100 Sat 21-Jan-17 19:39:29

You have not given enough info. If it's just you are distant but nothing fundamentally wrong yes you should make the effort and go, if you have a massive back story here full of falling out and mutual hatred then it depends on whether you wish to try to repair that or not and if this is an olive branch,

ZippyNeedsFeeding Sat 21-Jan-17 19:40:29

I think it depends on how much you don't want to go. If you just aren't sure you can be arsed, then it might be better to go. If you find the idea repellent, not so much.
Distance is also a factor- for me to be away overnight, for example, it would have to be for someone I really, really loved and wanted to see married.
also, do you think she really wants you there, or is she just inviting you because she feels/has been told that she should? Will she be glad to see you, or feel that you are trying to spoil things for her? It's rarely as simple as just going because anything else is just spiteful.

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