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AIBU?

To not tell him I've put on weight

40 replies

Mimicat44 · 21/01/2017 17:33

About 4 or 5 years ago I went on a date with a guy I met online. We had a great time, got on brilliantly and the chemistry was there (we had a kiss) but for one reason and another we didn't see each other again and shortly afterwards I met my now ex dp who I was with for 3 years splitting up about a year ago. A few months ago the guy I went on the one date with found me on whatsapp and we started chatting quite regularly. It's now at the point where we're talking about meeting up again however I've put on about 2 stone in that time! I'm working hard to lose it but there's no way it will happen before I see him again. I haven't mentioned it to him, but I'm wondering if I should? On the one hand I feel like if he is prepared then it won't be a shock for him when he sees me, and maybe it's better to find out now if that's something that's a deal breaker for him, but on the other hand I feel like it sounds a bit pathetic and embarrassing to warn someone that I've put on some weight. Almost like I'm apologising for it. When I met him last time I was (in my opinion) a nicely curvy size 14, now I'm a 16 pushing an 18.

OP posts:

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ChocoChou · 21/01/2017 17:38

If he's got back in touch with you after all these years he clearly liked more than just your looks/body! If he only wanted a physical relationship I'm sure he would've been able to find that elsewhere in the meantime.
I'll also say the usual 'you're not defined by your weight....' etc but I'm sure you know that and are still worried so what I would do in your position is change your whatsapp profile pic to one that shows your new voluptuous figure that way it won't be a surprise to him.

JaquieFromTheBlock · 21/01/2017 17:42

I agree, change your profile pic and then you wont feel so self conscious on the first time you meet up

Mimicat44 · 21/01/2017 17:47

You're right, and in any case I would probably still fancy him if he'd put on weight because I love his personality, however people can't help what they fancy and bigger girls just might not do it for him. I absolutely would change my picture if I had allowed anyone near me with a camera since I put on the weight! Might have to get one done

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 21/01/2017 17:51

if you use what's app, send him a pic of you and ask for one of him back. Don't make anything of it. Just a cmon send one back. Profile pics are quite small and hard to see.

Many of us put on weight, but normally two stone is more than one dress size increase. So may as well be up front about it than wait for the date as that's just going to make you very nervous about it. It may all be good and nothing to be concerned about it, or if it's not, best to find out before the date.

WorraLiberty · 21/01/2017 17:54

Face time?

Actually, just meet up with him and see how it goes.

It's probably best if either of you have no expectations, other than a nice cup of coffee and a chat.

See how it goes from there.

foxyloxy78 · 21/01/2017 17:55

People don't look the same after five years. They age and yes they sometimes put on weight. It is not a big deal. Meet him and see what happens.

Mimicat44 · 21/01/2017 17:55

Yeah I think I'll bite the bullet and send a recent pic... and I've gone up two sizes really, was a small 14 and now a big 16

OP posts:

MissClarke86 · 21/01/2017 18:12

I'd just tell him and see what he says, because I'm the kind of person who would otherwise stress about it up to and all through the date.

I'm not saying you should stress about it, just that I understand how you feel.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 21/01/2017 18:16

He's probably changed as well after 5 years. He may well have put on 2 stone and lost all his hair or something.

Good luck with your date . I think it sounds really promising.

sum1killthepawpatrollers · 21/01/2017 18:19

id just meet him with no pics sent, if hes put off then hes not the right man for you

outabout · 21/01/2017 18:21

Wrong person to be commenting really (being male) but if you are happy with the way you are now just go for it. Most 'fill out' a bit over the years so even if you were 'less' now, chances are you won't be in 5 more years.
Unless you are unhealthy don't worry.

Libitina · 21/01/2017 18:24

A lad I had a major crush on in my first job is now a bald, fat, 50 something. Was a bit of a shock when we connected on FB. However, he's still a lovely and funny guy.

I have also got older and fatter, but so has my DH. Try not to worry too much.

cosytoaster · 21/01/2017 18:28

I wouldn't worry, it's not like you've gone from super skinny to massive, I certainly wouldn't feel the need to pre-warn him. Good luck!

ArgyMargy · 21/01/2017 18:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Mimicat44 · 21/01/2017 18:43

ArgyMargy thanks so much for the definition of what 'fat' is, although pretty sure I never asked

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Giddyaunt18 · 21/01/2017 18:45

Geez Arg aren't you funny?

Giddyaunt18 · 21/01/2017 18:47

I would just go and meet him OP, it's only a night out or day out. You'll soon know how he feels and how you feel because you will or won't make plans to meet again. If you are happy as you are, don't lose weight for a man!!!

Italiangreyhound · 21/01/2017 18:48

Please do not tell him you have put on any weight. It just sounds like you re overly concerned and it might make things more awkward.

He is someone you had a connection with 5 years ago. I can almost guarantee you he is not asking anyone if he should mention he is slightly balding now or slightly larger or whatever.

If youwant to send him a photo, then do, just be your own fabulous self in your photo. But whatever you do, be your own fabulous self in real life.

uncoolnn · 21/01/2017 18:49

ArgyMargy - size 14 is not fat.

Bluebubble123 · 21/01/2017 18:54

Ignore Argy some people have nothing better to do in life than slate others. It's a shame as mumsnetting is supposed to to support each other.

If he likes you he will like you whatever your weight

ShoutOutToMyEx · 21/01/2017 18:56

Gearing up for a fun filled Saturday night are you Argy?

OP, attraction is about so much more than looks. And in my experience we're much harsher critics of ourselves than most men are. I bet it'll be the last think he notices when you meet up

SpongebobRoundPants · 21/01/2017 18:59

Argy People can lose weight, unfortunately you'll always be an arsehole.

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TeethDrama · 21/01/2017 19:00

I think Arg is saying it's not as though you have gone from a size 8 to a size 18 so any shock possibly won't be as great as you imagine.

I wouldn't mention it in advance. Just make sure you wear something you are really confident and comfortable in. He will notice your sparkling personality more than a few stones more or less.

mumofthemonsters808 · 21/01/2017 19:01

This happened to my friend, someone she used to know got back in touch with her. Before they met up he told her he had put on weight, she had also so wasn't particularly bothered by this.

MTB1003 · 21/01/2017 19:02

Is the meeting up along the lines of a friendship or picking up where you left off?
I don't feel you need to pre warn him of your weight, but at the same time wouldn't want you to be hurt if he has an unkind reaction. Agree with pp to update your WhatsApp profile pic and take it from there. Good luck!

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