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AIBU?

to go back to work?

34 replies

Bibblewanda · 18/01/2017 14:59

MIL thinks I should be staying at home with ds (9 months) as we can afford it. DH is a high earner and I'm not. But I really need to go back to work - I miss my job. I love my son but being at home all the time is driving me mad. MIL is very disapproving of this and thinks if I can't bring myself to not work I should be looking for a new job which only requires one day a week.

I will be going back to my role part time, 4 days a week with one of those days from home and slightly condensed hours of 9-4, plus an hours commute door to door including childminder drop off and pick up. I like my job and my boss is great - very very flexible. I know for instance she won't mind at all if I need to take time off if ds is sick. But MIL says this is too much and I won't be able to cope and nor will ds.

I now feel shit. AIBU to be going back to work?

OP posts:

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CMOTDibbler · 18/01/2017 15:04

YANBU, and its nothing to do with MIL - she had her go at making decisions about children, and now its your and your dhs turn

Bibblewanda · 18/01/2017 15:12

Thank you. I just feel so guilty.

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Lovewineandchocs · 18/01/2017 15:16

YANBU! Ignore your MIL, it's none of her business and she doesn't have a clue. Is she offering childcare?! Thought not! I have 2 DCs and work similar hours to you, with one day working from home. It can be hectic but is manageable-with 1 DC it was totally fine. Sounds like you enjoy your job and like your boss, and jobs like mine and yours seem to be like gold dust. Also, if staying at home would drive you mad, why would you even consider it?! Is your DH supportive of you going back?

Brokenbiscuit · 18/01/2017 15:17

I think you should tell your MIL to butt out and mind her own business tbh. Why should she have input into decisions that will affect your financial independence, your future employability and your mental health?

Please don't be pressured into making a decision that doesn't suit you. Do what is right for you.

Brokenbiscuit · 18/01/2017 15:18

Oh, and fwiw, I have worked FT since dd was 6 months. She is now 11, and though it's hectic at times, we're both absolutely fine!

Bibblewanda · 18/01/2017 15:20

My DH is totally supportive, he just wants me to do what's right for me

OP posts:

Manumission · 18/01/2017 15:23

A one day a week job? How many of those does she think there are? And why does she think she gets a say in this?

KatharinaRosalie · 18/01/2017 15:23

I've been working full time since each of mine was 12 weeks old. Everybody is coping. None of MILs business - she made her own choices, you are making yours.

Yura · 18/01/2017 15:23

Have worked since son is 4 months old - he is a happy social 4 year old.
he is way better off with his childminder during (who loves being with kids and has tons of experience) than with me who loves work, and lives kids in smaller doses (evenings, weekends, holidays). I do much more with him than i would do otherwise, and can really enjoy our time as it us not all the time.! we both win

lokisglowstickofdestiny1 · 18/01/2017 15:25

Ignore her, do what feels right to you. You've nothing to feel guilty about!

BaronessBomburst · 18/01/2017 15:26

Do it. I was a SAHM when DS was little and it was the most miserable time of my life. Not to mention that should things ever go wrong between DH and I, I've lost my career and my independence.
I would say though that you may find it tricky keeping on top of all the household stuff. I've found personally that 16-20 hours a week is the right balance for me. My DH has a long commute so shopping cooking etc all falls to me. It's also very hard to work from home with a toddler around.

Yura · 18/01/2017 15:31

Also, being completely dependent on your husband might change your relationship in a way you don't want. going back into your old job might be impossible after a while, so implications for the future are pretty big!

Brokenbiscuit · 18/01/2017 15:33

As your DH is clearly supportive, could you get him to tell his mum to back off?

Bibblewanda · 18/01/2017 15:34

baroness

Ds would still be at the childminder on my work from home day

I do all my food shopping online

OP posts:

Bibblewanda · 18/01/2017 15:34

He's told her to but she still makes these snide little comments

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ShoeJunkie · 18/01/2017 15:37

I am a much better parent working part time than I would be as a SAHM. Both dss vey happy and settled at their cm.
Your MIL needs to butt out!

NickyEds · 18/01/2017 15:38

Tell your MIL to wind her neck in. Or better still tell your dh to do it. I'm a SAHM and very much in the minority, what does she think most parents do?

hellsbellsmelons · 18/01/2017 15:39

Absolutely.
I lasted 3 months before I was so so ready to get back to my job, adult conversation, and being me again.
Millions of people do it.
You can do what ever you like.
Ignore MIL.
Walk away every time she makes a snide comment.

Brokenbiscuit · 18/01/2017 15:45

He's told her to but she still makes these snide little comments

He needs to tell her more firmly, then. Or you do. Just say something along the lines of "MIL, I appreciate your concerns and I understand that your comments are well meant, but I have considered all the options and made the choice that's right for me - I would be grateful if you could avoid making any further comments that undermine that choice, as it may prove detrimental to our relationship otherwise."

Bibblewanda · 18/01/2017 15:46

She basically says she was at home for 30 years so why doesn't everyone do it

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KatharinaRosalie · 18/01/2017 15:47

She basically says she was at home for 30 years so why doesn't everyone do it - well I run 10K every lunchtime, why doesn't she do it?

Brokenbiscuit · 18/01/2017 15:55

Because not everyone wants to do what she did!

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DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 18/01/2017 17:24

She's overstepping the mark. You DH needs to tell her you don't want her input on you career decisions.

BaronessBomburst · 19/01/2017 14:32

baroness
Ds would still be at the childminder on my work from home day
I do all my food shopping online

Good. That'll make it a damn lot easier then!

SparkleShinyGlitter · 19/01/2017 14:38

Your mil obviously has some out dated views. Just ignore her, she'll get the message.
Only your know what is right for you and your family. Your not just a Mum you are Bibblewanda too and have a right to do as you wish

I had dd last August, and with work they give a very generous maternity package for 18 months but I am going back on the 1st of Feb as I can no be at home, we can more than afford for me to stay home but I miss my job/ I miss feeling like me. I love dd really I do but I am not cut out for staying at home.

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