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Am I overreacting?

(45 Posts)
Bayleybee123 Mon 16-Jan-17 11:09:15

Unsure of what I'm asking really just know that I'm unhappy. Relationship hasn't been good for a while I've recently returned to education, had a family bereavement and lots to deal with. Partner is lazy, disinterested in anything have to say I'm so fed up. Went on a very rare night 2 weeks ago had a great time until later on in the night when he started to point out females he found attractive, asked what I thought about threesomes and told me the name of someone he really wanted to sleep with. I walked out and went home. He feels that I am overreacting.

sonlypuppyfat Mon 16-Jan-17 11:10:22

You're not

ChuckSnowballs Mon 16-Jan-17 11:10:25

No you are undereating. By now he should be an ex if he did that 2 weeks ago.

bowtieandheels Mon 16-Jan-17 11:11:59

What's keeping you with him?

DontTouchTheMoustache Mon 16-Jan-17 11:12:30

You are not overreacting. Neither of you sound very happy. Obviously I can't comment too much on such a small amount of information but I think you already know your answer and what you should do but you are scared to. You have a lot on your plate at the moment so you might feel.the need to stay in an unhappy relationship because you are afraid of more change but honestly it will only drag you down further. Do you want to save the relationship? Only you can answer that.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Mon 16-Jan-17 11:12:37

Oh fuck him off. He sounds an arse and you aren't happy anyway. Am I to read this as he made the effort to ruin a rare night out you had? He wants you to know your place doesn't he...

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Mon 16-Jan-17 11:12:38

Is the partner now an ex? They should be as they don't seem to have much respect for you, YANBU to expect more.

Maudlinmaud Mon 16-Jan-17 11:14:23

He doesn't respect you. What are your options? Could you leave him?

BeachyKeen Mon 16-Jan-17 11:14:35

Cut him loose, life is too short for bull shit.
Besides, you might me someone nice and decent at school!

Yellowbird54321 Mon 16-Jan-17 11:22:56

I think you're asking if you should stay with him? From what you've said in your OP I know I wouldn't. I'm wondering the same as bowtie "what's keeping you with him"?

Bayleybee123 Mon 16-Jan-17 11:28:57

We have children together, I also have a child from a previous relationship and this is my second marriage I feel like such a failure! I don't know whats keeping me with him to be honest just scared of making that move. Yes he ruined a very rare night out first time I've had a break from children and studying in months, he blamed the drink although he had only had a couple.

CripsSandwiches Mon 16-Jan-17 11:29:17

He sounds like he's going out of his way to humiliate you. Dump this idiot.

CookieLady Mon 16-Jan-17 11:32:07

Ditch him.

Maudlinmaud Mon 16-Jan-17 11:32:49

A marraige breakdown does not a failure make. Happens to the best of us.

EverythingEverywhere1234 Mon 16-Jan-17 11:36:09

I think everyone feels that way when a long term relationship or marriage ends. But really, would you rather be miserable just to save face, when in reality no-one will give a fuck whether you've been married twice or ten times anyway?

WhereYouLeftIt Mon 16-Jan-17 11:39:26

"I feel like such a failure!"
You are not a failure - you are a normal person trying to make sense of an abnormal situation. He is a shit and you are not overreacting.

You say the relationship "hasn't been good for a while" and that "Partner is lazy, disinterested in anything have to say". I wonder if he is ramping up his shit behaviour in order to get you to be the one to say 'let's end this'. Some people seem to prefer the pity-party victimhood of 's/he dumped me' rather than have an adult conversation with their spouse. He well may be such a one (becaue they don't want to hear how shit they really are). I'm suggesting this because the threesome/"I fancy shagging her" talk is pretty damned extreme - absolutely guaranteed to make their spouse feel humiliated/disrespected and to push them to end it.

Do not stay in a marriage because ending it makes you feel a failure. The failure would be in staying despite knowing it's really over.

Bayleybee123 Mon 16-Jan-17 11:44:45

I have very few friends what with juggling children and a degree, I think I'm scared of being lonely (I'm aware this sounds pathetic). I tried to have a conversation with my mum along the lines of how unhappy I am she said all marriages are hard and to work harder at it and think of the children (not very good at advice, usually makes me feel worse than I do already). He's full of apologies and for some reason I feel a bit sorry for him, although he does think i'm overreacting. I just can't forget what he said and how excited he got talking about this other women (someone he knows from years ago, as do I). He just made me feel cheap and I know 100% that I'm not.

Mollyringworm Mon 16-Jan-17 11:51:28

What's your sex life like? I think some men, when they feel they aren't getting enough start to point out attractive females to try and 'shock' u into giving them more sex, I know partners of mine have done similar in the past.
That is so disrespectful though, u really need to get across to him how upset you are by it. I have 4 dc's (one from previous marriage) and I'm not sure I could forgive that tbh (though my dh wouldn't dare ever comment in that way about another woman) I'd feel it was a deliberate attempt to belittle and diminish my confidence.

Miserylovescompany2 Mon 16-Jan-17 11:55:35

Get rid. He sounds very self centred. You've been through a great deal and his answer is a threesome???? What exactly does he think that's going to achieve...other than adding to the strain of things!?

You can be VERY lonely within a relationship if its the wrong one. Do you want to be with him long term? Can you see yourself for example in five years time still being with this person?

You aren't been true to either yourself nor him if you no longer wish to be in the relationship.

NavyandWhite Mon 16-Jan-17 11:56:22

Wtf.

Honestly ( and I don't say this that often ) I would be thinking about leaving him.

NavyandWhite Mon 16-Jan-17 11:57:50

Of course he's trying to make you feel sorry for him. The twat. If my H had said those things I wouldn't want to be with him.

You deserve better OP.

Tenshidarkangel Mon 16-Jan-17 11:58:32

Umm No. Get out or have a very serious discussion on the fact that it was totally inappropriate.

AnnieAnoniMouse Mon 16-Jan-17 12:01:59

Of course you should work harder at your marriage. You should make sure the house is clean, the children are polite & his dinner is on the table. Don't do menial jobs when he's relaxing as it spoils the ambiance. Make sure you bake for him! Don't let yourself go and don't wear 'casual' clothing, be well presented and groomed at all times.

Bayleybee123 Mon 16-Jan-17 12:02:41

Sex life is non existent at the minute since this happened as I don't want him near me, he knows I'm having a crap time at the minute and this has just made me feel even worse. Prior to this it was ok though, well as good as it can be with children, studying and work, he thinks it could be better though always complaining and pestering for more. I'm exhausted most of the time though, I have told him if he helps me out more it may improve but it falls on deaf ears. I didn't think he would dare to be honest ( well not that he would'nt dare I just didn't ever think he would be that disrespectful) and it was so out of the blue, like I said we were having a really great night (at least I was). I have so much on my plate at the minute this is just another stress that I really don't need and he knows this, full of apologies now but to be honest they don't really wash with me I still feel like crap

OohhItsNotHoxton Mon 16-Jan-17 12:02:48

No you are not over reacting. He sounds like a complete cunt tbh.

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