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For DH to suggest if I've got a female stalker?

(33 Posts)
BadgerBox Sun 15-Jan-17 18:36:29

I need a reality check here because I'm starting to think I'm going crazy or in some sort of psychological thriller.

I started working at my job about 3 years ago on one department. The day I started I got shown around and introduced to everyone. When introduced to this one girl she said she already knew who I was as her son was born at the same time as my daughter (I had no idea who she was and couldn't remember her from the maternity ward)

Over the next 3 years she's tried hard to strike up a friendship with me of which I was grateful. I took a year out on maternity leave with my second child and when I returned I found I had been moved to the same department as her which I was happy about as she was always very friendly.

Her behaviour towards me since I've moved onto the department has become quite odd. She will ask me incredibly personal questions about my personal life including my sex life with my husband and even go as far to ask how I shave my pubic hair confused The other women on the department take the piss constantly saying she's a secret lesbian and fancies me. Her behaviour is very flirty towards me and she will stand very close when she speaks and looks at my lips.

The odd part has come in the last couple of weeks. She knows where I live and I've noticed whenever I leave on certain days for nursery pick ups she's ALWAYS outside my house where she will stop and talk to me for a while. If I mention in passing that I am going somewhere, she will be there. When we went to the works Xmas party she insisted on sitting next to me and seemed annoyed with anyone that tried to speak to me.

The weirdest bit came yesterday when we were discussing our children's births. She announced that we went to antenatal classes together (I can't remember her being there, I didn't take much notice of anyone but the teacher) and she said that she remembers me saying to the teacher that my baby was breech and that I was having her turned. She said she remembers I always used to wear a green coat and she even described what my mum looked like who attended the classes with me. She said she remembers my husband brought flowers and balloons into hospital for me (he did) and that my dad came to pick me up from hospital. This all happened 4 years ago.

I can't remember anything about anyone I went to antenatal classes with or who I was in my maternity ward with so was impressed with her memory. When I told DH about it he was alarmed and said with everything else that's been happening with her he's concerned for me. He wants me to speak to my line manager about it and make her aware?! AIBU to think he's over reacting here?

GinIsIn Sun 15-Jan-17 18:45:50

Having had a female stalker myself, it's so much easier for people, including the victim, to be dismissive at first.

She really does sound like she's overstepping the mark quite seriously - your DH has a point!

GlitteryFluff Sun 15-Jan-17 18:46:26

No i think he's right, seems a bit much from her, especially being outside your house and stuff.

PidgeyfinderGeneral Sun 15-Jan-17 18:47:30

I don't think he is over-reacting. Her behaviour sounds extremely odd and I'd be very concerned if a work colleague was behaving like this with me.

I would distance myself from her if I were you, and start making a note of when she turns up outside your house. This is not normal.

kissmethere Sun 15-Jan-17 18:47:46

That sounds pretty obsessive. I'd be very wary if someone like that. In fact I do know someone like that and I keep away from her!

DJBaggySmalls Sun 15-Jan-17 18:50:03

How did she know your address? If she got it from work, make a complaint.
Keep an incident diary and talk to the police.

Strongmummy Sun 15-Jan-17 18:50:39

God this is hard! She is definitely behaving very weirdly. Whether you speak you your line manager depends on how you feel about it. Do you feel threatened? Do you feel uncomfortable? Does interacting with her make you dread going to work? If not, I might laugh it off. If so, I'd consider speaking to your line manager and informing her of the situation. If I were your line manager I might suggest you spoke with her in the first instance, but provide reassurance that I'd help you if necessary.

Whisky2014 Sun 15-Jan-17 18:52:38

So you write the OP with every scenario making her look like a stalker but think your husband is being unreasonable for thinking she is a stalker? Righhhttt.

Patriciathestripper1 Sun 15-Jan-17 18:53:47

I had something similar with a freind I met at toddler group.
She bought same jewellery as me, the same coat when I bought a new one and went as far as getting two dogs the same as mine (patterdale snd springer spaniel).
She eventually latched on to someone else.
If feed get false info about where you are going in future so she dosnt turn up.

Patriciathestripper1 Sun 15-Jan-17 18:55:27

I'd feed her false information

kissmethere Sun 15-Jan-17 19:11:44

Yes to the false info. She'll probably complain that she didn't see you there and then you have your answer. (Which you know already that she's definitely stalking you HTH)

Themirrorcracked Sun 15-Jan-17 19:16:49

I wouldn't find the remembering you from antinatal or what your mum looks like that odd- I have that sort of memory for details. Can tell people what they wore to a party 10 years ago and stuff, BUT- the rest of it is creepy.

RagamuffinAndFidget Sun 15-Jan-17 19:18:05

Re the antenatal class/hospital memories - I have a pretty much photographic memory and could probably recall specific events and details like that. I can repeat almost word for word conversations I had years ago and can tell you what someone was wearing or doing at a certain time/in a certain place, that sort of thing. So she may just have excellent recall, in that respect.

That said, I wouldn't loiter around outside people's houses or any of the other bonkers stuff she's been doing!

ThePinkOcelot Sun 15-Jan-17 19:39:13

I don't think the remembering is that odd tbh, as I remember a few people from my antenatal groups, not what they were wearing mind. However, the rest sounds really odd. I think I would start distancing myself.

ImperialBlether Sun 15-Jan-17 19:41:21

She would creep me out, tbh. What on earth was she doing asking you those personal questions at work? And how does she explain that she's always outside your house?

She has a child the same age as yours. Have you seen this child? Does she have a partner?

I would remember someone from class and from the maternity ward, tbf; it's the other things that are concerning, in my opinion.

StiginaGrump Sun 15-Jan-17 19:46:04

I had a similar experience - it got to the point where the woman was using shared acquaintances, neighbours and friends to sort of cross reference info about me between and would then use what she knew to try and elicit more. She did the same hair cut and copied clothes (to her detriment as I am scruffy and she wasn't!)
Other people reported many a strange conversation with her about me. I made a determined effort to keep a distance between us and it eventually did stop then I presume she was embarrassed as now she blanks me!!
Had I worked with her it would have been tricky and I may have had a careful and quiet word with HR. Outside of that I would make communication about business only and be ruder than your usual politeness allows if she is personal!

Maudlinmaud Sun 15-Jan-17 19:49:02

Just put some distance between you both and don't answer personal questions.
In fact tell her that you uncomfortable with the personal stuff.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sun 15-Jan-17 19:53:46

She would in all honesty freak me the fuck out & I am not at all easily perturbed.
Her behaviour is seriously odd & very, VERY stalkerish-your husband is right.

BadgerBox Sun 15-Jan-17 19:53:48

No I've never seen her child and she has spoken of a husband but never seen him.

She knows where I live as she walking down my road one day (incoocently I suspect) and happened to see me getting the kids into the car. I didn't see her but next time I was at work she said she had seen where I live.

I have laughed it off, especially when my other colleagues constantly rib me about her saying she fancies me. She will say things like "you have a glow about you today, did you have sex last night" and my colleagues think it's hilarious

Maudlinmaud Sun 15-Jan-17 19:55:58

Seriously op. It's time to shut that type of convo down and use a fuck off face.

HecateAntaia Sun 15-Jan-17 20:00:27

Tbh you really should be saying actually that's quite an inappropriate thing to say to me. Please don't ask me such intimate questions again.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu Sun 15-Jan-17 20:07:43

It sounds like she enjoys having an intimacy with you - knowing things about you, seeing your home, asking you personal questions - that goes above normal workplace friendships, and she is annoyed when others talk to you and threaten her sense of a special friendship.

It reminds me of Judy Dench in Notes From A Scandal don't snog the office work experience boy.

I wouldn't want this to continue, I would worry about where it is going. As you clearly don't share her desire for an intimate twosome, at some point she will feel slighted, and I'd worry her reaction will be extreme.

The remembering clothes - whilst several of you have photographic memories, I doubt you'd recite to a work colleague what you remember they wore four years ago each time you met. It's an odd thing to say, even if you do remember.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom Sun 15-Jan-17 20:09:10

you have a glow about you today, did you have sex last night" and my colleagues think it's hilarious
This is not hilarious, it's amazingly inappropriate & I would point this out to her very directly hmm

FannyUmbongo Sun 15-Jan-17 20:14:26

"Sorry, what? Are you feeling quite well? What a bizarre thing to say"

With a BigTime death stare.

Katy07 Sun 15-Jan-17 20:33:11

"you have a glow about you today, did you have sex last night"
shock You either need to say something to her, to your manager or to HR. She is seriously weird. I agree with a PP about having great recall (I can remember odd totally uneventful things from years ago) but everything else is just plain scary odd.

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