To try and make new friends at my age?

[Lonelybutnice]

Hi all,

Nervous new poster here. I read the posts on here almost every day and always enjoy them.

I'm 34 with 3 lovely DC's and a lovely DH. Something has been bothering me for a while and it's bothering me more and more. I have very few friends. Not to dwell on it, but my mum was the type who very much discouraged every friendship I had (oh so and so is no good for you! They're not our type of people!) and now I feel I'm left rather lonely, or certainly lacking something in my life.

I am envious when I see others who have groups of friends who do nice things together and I really wish I had that too but I think I'm too late in life to find it now, those groups are already well established.

Does anybody have any advice for me please? Or has anybody been in a similar situation and managed to find a group of friends? I know it doesn't seem a big deal but it's making me a bit down in the dumps. Many thanks

(I posted this on another board too but thought I might get a few more responses here, not sure if it works like that, I'm not very au fait with posting yet)

[Domino20]

Have you had a look at the website 'meet up' you can look for other people in your area doing an activity you might enjoy or even start your own group. Never too old to make new friends and do new things! Good luck x

[poshme]

Well when I was 34 I had a few friends- but they were more acquaintances than close friends. I then met someone who I totally clicked with and she is now my best friend. I also have a good group of friends which has developed through a shared interest that we all do.

But I think you do have to make an effort. I had to be brave & ask the person who became my best friend round for coffee- I didn't know her well at all, and was scared she's say no.
The shared interest group thing was also due to a bit of effort- being willing to chat a bit more to someone. And sometimes I didn't feel like going to the group, but made the effort to try & develop the friendship links.

So yes- it is possible, but IME, unlike at school where friendships can just 'happen' you have to work a bit harder at them.
(And I did try with some other people and it didn't work out- they're people I say hi to bit no more than that.)
Don't give up.

[SidAndNancy]

I had an awful group of friends (aside a couple of them) and it pushed me to make effort with friends outside that circle.

I became friends with someone in work and slowly began to meet their friends. Soon I was getting invited to their birthdays, baby showers and even a weekend away.

You're never too old to make friends, you just can't force it

[BravoPanda]

I'm actually excited about making new friends during birthing classes and baby groups, and when my son is older. I've drifted from/outgrown a lot of my old friends and those friendships I did form a few years ago didn't really amount to much and haven't lasted into my 30's. They were way too hardcore feminist Oxford types who wanted to "destroy the patriarchy" (when the most they'd ever witnessed was probably having a door held open for them) and never wanted children, whereas I have done my entire life. So ended up quietly distancing myself for several months before I eventually got pregnant.

I CAN'T WAIT FOR NEW FRIENDS! Be excited about it!

[lovelearning]

Hello Lonelybutnice

Why don't you join a parent group?

You'll get lots of opportunity to socialise and form friendships

[MommaGee]

Lonely definitely not too old. I did NCT classes and out of the group we have occasional and rare contact with Twp, intermediate contact with Twp and I'm now good friends with two. Were all 30 plus. Essentially we did a course that we had a common interest in and personality won through. It could just as easily have been a cooking course or a reading club.
Similarly I met my best friend on a counselling course when I was in my mid 20's.

Its never to late to need pt make friends

[Bettyspants]

I'm 40 have probably 5 'close' friends but can see them every few months , a few years ago I felt the same didn't do much about it and regret not making more of an effort now. Having small children is a perfect time to make new friends!

[nomoneytoday]

If you can, then go for it :)

[problembottom]

Definitely not too late, I've done it at your age due to moving to a new area and I'm miserable looking, reserved and don't really like many people. Am now part of a very casual group of local friends, we go running, do a pub quiz, drinks etc.

You need to be proactive and look for opportunities - I became great friends with a new work contact, a neighbour and the wife of one of DP's colleagues for example! It takes time but say yes to everything and you will find people you click with.

[KatherinaMinola]

I opened this thread expecting that the poster would be a recent widow in her 70s...

OF COURSE IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO MAKE NEW FRIENDS! YOU'RE 34!

You've probably been pre-occupied with your dc for many years and not had much time to go out. You do need to get out there and meet people - all the usual places like toddler groups (if you still have a young dc), choirs, am-dram, book group, sports club, pub quiz.

If you have a few casual acquaintances that you think could be friends, invite them to try the local pub quiz/whatever with you.

I think developing some kind of hobby or interest helps - it makes you more interesting anyway, and it throws you in the way of new people.

[Enidblyton1]

It's never too late to make new friends :)
If I consider my own parents (in their 60s), they each have a few good, old friends who they know from university - they don't live close to any of them so maybe see them once or twice a year. The majority of their close friends have been made over the past 25 years (ie from their 30s onwards). I think the key is to stay in the same area over the next 20 years and you won't fail to meet people - some of whom will end up becoming good friends. Maybe you'll meet people through your children.
I moved area 12 months ago and while I have lots of old friends, I'm going to have to make new ones because my old friends all live miles away. Having met a few people through my DDs school, they have since introduced me to others.
It may take time, but don't give up. I'm sure you'll make a few local friends if you are open to it.

[OliviaStabler]

Never to late to make friends. I'd also recommend Meeup.com. Basically there are groups that you can join for various activities from eating out to art to hiking etc. It is a great way to meet and I've made good friends from it. Good luck

[WheresTheEvidence]

I am 32 single and with no kids. I'm a nanny why I frequent Mnet. Before Christmas I had a realisation that I needed to improve on my social life. I work long hours and am quite happy to slob out on my own in front of the TV in the evening but I knew things had to change.

I joined the local meet up group in our town in December and now regularly go to a weekly pub quiz and play board games at the local pub a couple of times a month. I've also been to Christmas drinks/a Christmas meal/birthday drinks. Since last Tuesday I have been out 7 nights

There are a large number of people in our group but we have semi regulars - that go/do the same event {quiz/board games} we also have people that come along if they're free. Everyone is generally nice and friendly which is really nice as I am quite an introvert and not great at striking up a conversation with a stranger and I feel I am part of a group.
too. In fact through the app you can chat to other members and I often get a message from 1 or 2 of the others throughout my day or there's banter on the event page regarding the pub quiz that week etc.

I have found activities easier to do than just a meal as it's easy to chat abou the game/talk about what you can see on a walk rather than coming up with idle chit chat.

[MizzEmma]

I'm older than you and moved countries last year. Obviously I have to create a new bunch of friends here.

I'm making a specific effort to get to know neighbours, other Mums from school, people at church etc. I've joined the PTA, a sporting group and a book club.

It takes time and effort but I have no doubt I'll get there.

You talk about established groups but you don't have to break into a group, you can form a new one.

Most people interact with several groups of friends not just one. At home I have 4 groups of women I see regularly.

[oldestmumaintheworld]

It is never too late to make friends - indeed I firmly believe it's something you should spend your whole life doing if you want a happy and satisfying old age. I've just made a new friend - I'm in my late 50's and she is 81. We met at an event and got chatting. We then organised to have tea together and now we chat every couple of weeks about our shared interest. She is fascinating and I'm very glad we met.

You need to be open to new people and be willing to say hello and make the first move.

[ConvincingLiar]

Not too late. Make lots of effort in small doses, so don't target individuals but chat, be friendly and actively put yourself in a position where you will meet new people.

[lalaloopyhead]

Its never too late to make new friends. I'm early 40's and I have become good friends with a woman I have known for some time (dc's same age) but got to know each other better through a shared activity. I now see her several times a week and I really enjoy her company. Something I have learnt as I get older is that friendships can come and go a bit and that is fine.

[SomewhatIdiosyncratic]

No it's not too late. The thirties are an odd age group though as a tendency to young families reduces the pool of people socially avaliable.

I've made most of my friendships through hobbies. I've got a couple of distance friendships from uni, a good core of friends from a uni society which has quietened down as we've hit the family stage, and my local friends through volunteering which has developed through my 30s. We have a spread of ages from 18-50, but just gel with eachother. I got into it from my pilates teacher who I developed a friendship with, then got conned in...

I've got a couple of friends around their mid-thirties who are in the Women's Institute. There are groups targeted at younger women.

The good thing about socities/ hobbies is that they tend to attract like minds, and give chance for friendships to develop gently as there is another focus.

[JellyWitch]

Definitely not too late! Hobbies over school mum's though.

[Grittyshunts]

Never too late to make new friends. Join a club/take up a new hobby. Though I do think it's all about quality not quantity! Good luck OP!

[Lonelybutnice]

Thank so much for the replies. I've signed up with meetup.com and I'm going to a local meet up on 5th February! I'm so happy thanks again

[MizzEmma]

Well done!

[Mammylamb]

Never too late for new friends! My granny was in her 70s when she met lots of new friends by going to her local neighbourhood centre. At 34 I met lots of new friends by going to baby groups with my son. What age are your kids? Do you work? What do you enjoy doing? What do you fancy trying? It's a wee bit hard making the first move, but it is worth it

[OliviaStabler]

Great news OP!

[Note3]

I'm in a similar position to you with age and situation. I've recently started making more of an effort to do more and try to get to know more people. I've joined a play group and whereas with my middle child I would go to playgroup and have minimal conversation, this time I'm being more chatty and I've noticed it's making a difference. I'm also occasionally inviting mums from school for a coffee while our children play