Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4

AIBU?

For not objecting to DS and his girlfriend sleeping in the same room?

77 replies

catstolemyhead · 04/01/2017 07:33

DS is 22. His girlfriend is 24. DS lives in another city and he’s been with his girlfriend for over a year. They live together. We haven’t met her yet, and at the weekend they are both coming round and will be staying with us. I can't wait too meet her - DS is so happy and in love. DH told my MIL that they’ll be coming round, and she proceeded to invite herself over for the weekend so that she “can check up on the girl.”

MIL is insistent that DS and his girlfriend sleep in separate rooms. That the girlfriend should take DS’ old room and that he sleep on the couch in the living room. I told her attempting enforce some form of Stalinist chastity upon them is futile. They are a couple in their early 20s – a couple that lives together. Of course they are having sex. MIL said that they are not married and that having them sharing a bed is a sin. I said they are both adults, not teenagers. I said it’s silly to have DS sleep on the couch when there’s a perfectly good bed IN HIS OLD BLOODY ROOM. We argued over it, and in the end I told her that it was my son, my house. I wish DH hadn’t mentioned DS and his girlfriend coming over to his mother. It’s going to be a long weekend. I feel for the girlfriend. MIL is going to interrogate her like she’s a suspect in a murder investigation. Going to need lots of wine.

OP posts:

Report

Champagneformyrealfriends · 04/01/2017 07:36

Yanbu. Does MIL own your house? Tell her it's not upto her.

rollonthesummer · 04/01/2017 07:37

I'd tell your mother in law that you don't want extra visitors there the first time you meet your sons girlfriend so she can come another time. She can't invite herself to stay. Your house -your rules about who sleeps where!

AreWeThereYet000 · 04/01/2017 07:37

Just tell your MIL she isn't welcome to stay, take DS and his GF out for a meal on invite MIL to that so she can meet her, at least that will only be a few hours and GF can then relax at your house and you can really get to know her without the stress of MIL been under the same roof

ivykaty44 · 04/01/2017 07:37

I think you need to make light of the situation in front of MIL

As you introduce the mil to DS girlfriend, say

Oh mil is here to interface you, we all had to go through he Gestapo ways

And of course she has morals if a saint nine of us can live up to - don't you mil.

Make sure you let the girlfriend know it's all a bit much.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 04/01/2017 07:38

And tell her if she's going to give this girl a hard time then she can leave too!

OvariesForgotHerPassword · 04/01/2017 07:40

They are adults.

MIL needs to get a fucking grip.

HungryHorace · 04/01/2017 07:40

Just tell your MiL that she isn't welcome to stay that weekend; she can't force you to let her stay.

And agree with warning the girlfriend about her. She'll know you're not 'in on it' then!

Sugarlightly · 04/01/2017 07:43

Don't do what ivy says - please! That would be so uncomfortable for someone going in and meeting MIL for the first time.

I would say ask MIL not to stay round.

throwingpebbles · 04/01/2017 07:43

YANBU. plus tbh (as I never dared say to my mum) there are plenty of places and times to have sex other than a bedroom at night time; sharing a bedroom is as much about being able to chat, to cuddle etc

TheNaze73 · 04/01/2017 07:47

MIL is being a twat

catstolemyhead · 04/01/2017 07:47

Arewethereyet

Yes I have been thinking of doing this. Having MIL meet DS' girlfriend over dinner instead of her staying the entire weekend.

ivykaty

Well, I texted DS' girlfriend and told her the kind of woman MIL is. She laughed and said "she looks forward to the challenge." DS also knows what his grandmother can be like and warned her beforehand. The girlfriend doesn't seem concerned.

OP posts:

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 04/01/2017 07:48

Come now, your mother in law's views can't be a surprise to you or your husband.

It's up to you, or preferably him, to tell MiL she isn't welcome to stay this weekend. You are presumably both adults and this is your home?

rollonthesummer · 04/01/2017 07:48

If everyone knows what your mil is like, why on earth did your DH agree?

OhTheRoses · 04/01/2017 07:51

If your son would have to sleep on the sofa, where would MIL sleep?

You just need to tell your MIL she can't come that weekend because you have other visitors.

catstolemyhead · 04/01/2017 07:52

rollonthesummer

I asked DH the same thing - why he bothered mentioning it to her. He said "it just slipped out." Last night I did tell him to undo the mess he made. He said he would tell MIL to just meet us over meal, but not stay the weekend.

OP posts:

JanuaryMoods · 04/01/2017 07:52

Uninvite MiL.

CakesRUs · 04/01/2017 07:53

It's a bit draconian - they are adults who live together and it is 2017, yanbu.

CaoNiMa · 04/01/2017 07:59

MIL's behaviour needs challenging, IMHO. It's no good brushing it off with "oh, she's like that."

Sit her down and tell her that times and attitudes have changed. She is not the gatekeeper of your son's business, so she has no right to "interrogate" his new girlfriend as if it were the 1950s.

catstolemyhead · 04/01/2017 08:03

Cao Oh she's been challenged before. It's far from the first time I and she have butted heads.

Roses We have a 3 bedroom house. The third room is a guestroom.

OP posts:

cdtaylornats · 04/01/2017 08:06

Just to totally freak out your MIL any chance of getting your son's partner to dress up as a man, Muslim, Hassidic Jew, Salvation Army, Sikh or Vicar for the meal?

Not that there would be anything wrong with any of those options just that I suspect you MIL may be slightly at odds with anything outside her idea of perfection.

shovetheholly · 04/01/2017 08:06

Your MIL is being unreasonable. Given that you say she has form for being difficult, I would be giving her all the rope in the world with which to hang herself. Invite her for the full time, let her behave really, really badly, wiht the proviso that you are ready to back up your DS's gf if need be. Hopefully the presence of a new person in the family unit will lead your DH to see his mother's behaviour as the problem it is, and to start enforcing some boundaries.

Parker231 · 04/01/2017 08:11

Your DS lives with his girlfriend and they have been together a year but you haven't met her ? Has your DS not visited in a year or you been to see him?

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

catstolemyhead · 04/01/2017 08:12

shovetheholly

What annoys me is that I and MIL have clashed before. And a lot of the times DH adopts the Switzerland stance - absolute neutrality. Pretends he can't hear or see what's going on.

OP posts:

catstolemyhead · 04/01/2017 08:14

Parker

He hasn't visited in a year. He wasn't even available for Christmas because his job his very demanding and he works overtime a lot.

OP posts:

JustSpeakSense · 04/01/2017 08:18

I think having MIL over to meet her the first weekend she's coming is a bit full on really. I'm sure your DS and his GF would prefer a quieter weekend with immediate family only.
Why on earth did you invite MIL to come, when she sounds like a nightmare anyway?

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.