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Am I evil, a martyr, a murderer or what?

(52 Posts)
Ninarina Thu 29-Dec-16 19:19:26

Family came for Christmas even tho we don't celebrate fully but always do a proper Xmas dinner and pressies for kids. Mum died this year and dad has sold the house so first time without mum and last time we will be together in this house. I was excited about family coming- bro from London with family and sis from Scotland. My DC has mental health issues and I thought seeing family would help and give me support. I have DSis who loves cooking so was looking for help with Xmas dinner too. Ended up taking DC to hosp for MH issue on Xmas eve. No-one asked how I got on. I felt like I was being ignored. Sis not talking to me at all. Didn't help with anything so I cooked the meal alone for 10 people. Sat down to eat at 6pm and she says: "I will tell you why I'm not talking to you. You killed Mum. You're horrible. You're a martyr who does all the work to make us look bad. I'm sick of being the strong one. I've been so strong the whole year." I didn't expect praise or thanks but didn't expect vitriol either. I feel like I'm being punished for my mum not being here tho I'm trying my best to make things ok for the rest of us esp the kids. I'm having counselling and was doing well but this has set me right back. I don't know what to do. Thanks for reading.

aaahhhBump Thu 29-Dec-16 19:21:51

Didn't want to read and run. You sound very strong. flowers

HecAteAllTheXmasPud Thu 29-Dec-16 19:22:31

Why on earth does she blame you for your mum's death?

thanks

Easy to say i know but try to not let this get to you. Clearly she has issues and that's very sad but it's unfair to lay it at your door.

Just keep your distance.

Don't bother inviting her again.

Wolverbamptonwanderer Thu 29-Dec-16 19:24:27

What happened after she said that? shock

LineyReborn Thu 29-Dec-16 19:25:01

She has some very serious issues.

TowerRavenSeven Thu 29-Dec-16 19:28:42

Yanbu but why she would say that? What's the backstory?

junebirthdaygirl Thu 29-Dec-16 19:28:51

Parents death can bring out strange things in families but your sister is bonkers. I wouldn't take it on board. She is acting very strange.

Champagneformyrealfriends Thu 29-Dec-16 19:31:06

Why does she blame you for your mums death? What an awful situation flowers

WhereYouLeftIt Thu 29-Dec-16 19:32:50

"You're a martyr who does all the work to make us look bad."
Almost laughed out loud at this? Is that what she tells herself as she continues to sit on her arse?

Sorry OP, that's the smallest thing your sister chucked at you. But it does sum up the type of person that she is. The type of person who projects all the blame that she thinks is at her door on to others. Because you couldn't 'be a martyr' if she got off her arse. The solution to this non-existent problem is in her own hands. (But of course then she'd actually have to DO something.)

So my question is - why does she think that SHE killed your mother? What grief has she landed at your mother's feet over the years?

HardLightHologram Thu 29-Dec-16 19:36:07

Why does she think you killed your mother? What an awful thing to say!

Bauble16 Thu 29-Dec-16 19:38:01

"You're a martyr who does all the work to make us look bad."

I laughed at that too. Could she not have shared that one before you did all the hard work? I'd have told her there's plenty of washing up not to worry.

Seriously though op, hope u sort this. It's not nice when siblings act out like this

ChocolateCakeandSprinkles Thu 29-Dec-16 19:39:13

What a horrible thing to say! She clearly had her own issues.

I would tell her that she had hurt your horrendously. She may be jealous if she thinks you are coping with it better than her, hence the 'matyr' comment. I suggest you send her a list of therapists as a large hint because she clearly needs one!

2dogsonthesofa Thu 29-Dec-16 19:39:30

That is awful and I am so sorry.

maddiemookins16mum Thu 29-Dec-16 19:40:33

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LagunaBubbles Thu 29-Dec-16 19:43:45

Sounds awful, and I to think she's projecting. What happened after she said that?

MarjorieSimpson Thu 29-Dec-16 19:49:43

You're a martyr who does all the work to make us look bad.

I have to say she lost me at that one. So, according to her, she didn't do anything because she had enough to be the strong one. And because you are always doing everything and this is absolutely not right confused

As for the 'you killed mum', I suspect there is a huge backstory there. Or she is just bonkers.

MarjorieSimpson Thu 29-Dec-16 19:52:25

You're a martyr who does all the work to make us look bad.

I have to say she lost me at that one. So, according to her, she didn't do anything because she had enough to be the strong one. And because you are always doing everything and this is absolutely not right confused

As for the 'you killed mum', I suspect there is a huge backstory there. Or she is just bonkers.

whyohwhy000 Thu 29-Dec-16 19:52:25

You're a martyr who does all the work to make us look bad.

Why didn't she step in and help then?!?!

maddiemookins16mum Thu 29-Dec-16 19:53:37

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

HappyFlappy Thu 29-Dec-16 19:54:55

She has a guilty conscience - she is projecting her own guilt onto you to deflect the blame from herself.

She is more to be pitied than censured - well, actually, no she isn't. Censure her - she would only be to be pitied if she wasn't trying to deflect the blame onto an innocent party.

You.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy Thu 29-Dec-16 19:55:20

I'd have chucked her out on her ear.

HardLightHologram Thu 29-Dec-16 19:57:24

What is that Maddie poster on about? confused

creakyknees13 Thu 29-Dec-16 19:58:15

Nope...stopped 2 seconds in. Can't read this shite

What do you mean by that, maddie?

iklboodolphRedNoseReindeer Thu 29-Dec-16 19:58:18

Is Maddie the sister? confused

Thattimeofyearagain Thu 29-Dec-16 19:59:06

Kick her arse out of your home.

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