To think if you keep your home like a shit tip you can't complain your kids don't tidy their rooms?

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

I am very close to my niece, always have been. She's 18yo and suffers from anxiety (GAD), which seems to be getting progressively worse as time goes on, and some days she's unable to leave the house. She has great support in family members and me and DH have always been there for her when she needs us.

My DSis has today put a picture on facebook effectively 'shaming' DN for her messy room. It's just a picture of her room, and it is a tip, she's done a big long rant about how she's sick of asking her kids to tidy their rooms and she feels this is her last resort - she's tagged DN saying the picture will only come down once her room is tidy.

The thing is, if DSis and BIL (DN's stepdad) were tidy people and kept an orderly house, I'd understand. But the rest of the house is the same as DN's room. DSis (and for as long as I've known him, BIL) has always been the same, crap everywhere, like something out of Kim and Aggie's show. Piles and piles of rubbish stuffed in corners, empty boxes on kitchen worktops there for weeks, piles of washed clothes shoved in random spaces. We stayed over once to babysit their toddler and were meant to be sleeping in their bed. It was unmade and had about 20 toys on top of it, there was no room in their room to put them (as was also a tip) so they went in the hallway. The dogs sleep in that bed and we had to change the sheets that night due to the amount of dog hair in the bed (it aggravates DH's asthma). One time there were several pairs of period stained knickers on show on the landing next to the wash basket (which is always over spilling so the family just chuck things on the floor beside it). We've actually stopped going because I got sick of having to haul things off the sofa just to have a sit down, we're not the most immaculate people in the world, we know what it's like having kids etc, but we are tidy and manage to at least make the bed and keep the sofa clear!

Anyway AIBU to think that if you live like this you cant expect your children to be super tidy? And AIBU to think that shaming someone on Facebook who already has anxiety issues is pretty low no mater how mad you are? I really want to say something but knowing DSis it will not go down well

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Ah crap this was meant for AIBU! Will report

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I would post on FB, asking her to post pictures of the rest of the house - to prove the rest of the house is as tidy as she wants her dd's room to be.

[kawolski]

Yanbu at all. Go over and take a pic of all their mess and post in on Facebook to shame them.

[Bluntness100]

Shaming your kids on face book is awful, that's a shit thing to do. And yes, she should practice what she preaches and tidy her own areas first. Sorry, but she's being a bitch,

[drurylanesmuffins]

She's out of order doing that

[Meemolly]

What an awful thing to do to your own child, regardless of anything else. That is a massive invasion of her privacy.

[abbsisspartacus]

I put my dds baby pic up on her birthday when she became a teenager changed her password too for the day so everyone saw it she found it hilarious

Messy bedrooms are not funny

[Maudlinmaud]

Awful behaviour and I.would tell her that. No wonder the girl has anxiety.

[TheCatsMother99]

I'd definitely ask her to define what she thinks is tidy given the rest of the house looks the same.

I don't understand why your niece's room has to be tidy when the rest of the house isn't, doesn't make sense.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

She's a fucking asshole to do that whether her house is spotless or not. What a nasty bastard to do that to her daughter.

[Eaglesandbeagles]

I would say to her privately "how would you feel if I did the same thing and posted pictures of the rest of your house to Facebook?" She wouldn't like it. I can guarantee she's not going to like you saying it but honestly she's shamed her own daughter publicly why should she not feel some form or shame herself. Also my dsis recently had social services called for having her house filled with clutter. It wasn't as bad as your dsis sounds and your DN doesn't have children to look after so if anyone should feel ashamed it's the mother and father who keep their children in a house filled with mess. A kids messy room is par for the course but you can't whinge if the rest of the house is like it too.

[WalkingCarpet]

My SIL's house is like this, and it's never relaxing to sit amongst all the crap. The house is a pig sty despite them having a cleaner.
One year we were staying there and I got into deep shit after cleaning the microwave as it was full of dried food and grease.
Her daughter is a nervous wreck as well.

[DeleteOrDecay]

YANBU, the shaming is awful and is likely to make your nieces anxiety worse. I feel sorry for her actually

[harderandharder2breathe]

Unfair to shame her DD

If nobody else in the house puts a high value on tidiness why should an 18 year old?

[BdumBdummer]

What kind of person shames their child on FB. Even an adult who is their dd. Forget the hypocrisy (messy person here) she's a cow for putting something mean on FB.

[TheGruffaloMother]

YANBU.

I'd strongly consider commenting "should I post pictures of the rest of your house here so people know what example you lead by?"

[NeedATrim]

Totally bullying.

Go to your sisters house and take snaps of every room. Post and tag along with "practice what you preach".

That photo is up for all to see so your DN must feel terrible. If you are close to her then show some solidarity towards her. The poor girl.

[SelfCleaningVagina]

I like SDTGs idea. No wonder the poor kid has anxiety. Living in a house like that would stress me to hell.

[PeachBellini123]

Nasty thing to do and likely to have a bad effect on her anxiety

[DailyFail1]

Post a photo of her house and shame her. See how she likes it. Your sis sounds like a bully tbh.

[UnbornMortificado]

Hardly going to help DN's anxiety

[MammyNeedsASpaDay]

To me this post shows you really care for your niece!

My house never feels tidy. I'm exaggerating as I can't bear clutter or mess, but even when the kids get a few toys out I want to tidy up!! My mam was the same and I don't go to the lengths she did, but I feel like it's really hard work. (Sees the irony in posting on mumsnet while saying I have no time).

But I ask my kids to keep things tidy because the rest of my house is. My sons are good, but they're very young. My daughter is terrible!!!

It's a bit off if that's the example she sees and that's what they're saying x

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

I have to admit I'd be tempted to do what others are saying, posting pictures of the rest of the house or at least threatening to!
I guess all you can really do is keep in contact with your niece and supporting like you have been.

[YelloDraw]

"LOL you are so funny! Your room is so much worse than this, remember when I was meant to be staying but had to change the bed as it was so covered in dog hair and there isn't a single clear surface in your room :-) She's taking after her mother eh? :-) Love you sis. Lol"