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To ask for some help

(22 Posts)
BuffyTheMLMHunter Sun 18-Dec-16 07:07:09

DH and I live about 6 hours away from his retired parents. FIL is a nice bloke but MIL is a PITA. They came to visit after we moved (to our 2 bed flat), and stayed for 4 weeks. During this time MIL treated our place like a hotel, and didn't lift a finger to help with anything throughout the stay (she is bloody messy!). DH loves his parents dearly but can only handle them in small doses himself so he carried on going to work whilst I juggled my PT job and his parents by working from home.

He's invited them to come and stay with us again, this time for 6 weeks, during which time I will be expected to cater for them, clean up after them and keep them occupied whilst he's at work.

The AIBU?: I told DH I'd like to have a cleaner come in a couple of times a week while in laws are here - I struggle to keep up with cleaning, cooking 2-3 meals a day and work (and honestly I kind of resent hoovering around a capable pair of adults who spend all day watching TV and waiting for me to put the kettle on for the umpteenth time). He's said there's no need as he'll help with chores, but we all know that's not going to happen! We can certainly afford it for a few weeks, so is my request really that unreasonable?

Sirzy Sun 18-Dec-16 07:08:47

I would tell them they can only stay if their either do their fair share of housework or pay for a cleaner!

GreatFuckability Sun 18-Dec-16 07:14:57

I would just hire one. The end.

Playdoughinthecarpet Sun 18-Dec-16 07:18:59

Yes, hire one and ask them to do your ironing too fwink

ALongTimeComing Sun 18-Dec-16 09:00:56

Erm... he's just invited them to stay for SIX weeks?! How about no. no. no. I think your problem isn't just with the inlaws!

Pineapplemilkshake Sun 18-Dec-16 09:55:55

You should go ahead and hire the cleaner anyway. But TBH, if it was my inlaws I would be asking them to help out a bit more with tidying, washing up etc. If I didn't have the sort of relationship where I could ask them to do this, then they simply wouldn't be coming to stay. I think your DH needs to discuss these sort of plans with you before making invitations!

TheSparrowhawk Sun 18-Dec-16 10:02:34

Sorry what? Your husband invited his parents for six weeks and expects you to wait on them hand and foot? And won't 'let' you get a cleaner? What the actual fuck? Are you his servant?

If my husband did that I'd be packing my bags for a six week hotel stay where I'd be planning divorce.

Do not let this happen. He is treating you like shit.

SenoritaViva Sun 18-Dec-16 10:04:35

Six weeks? No. Just no. I adore my parents but five days is more than enough.

AwkwardSquad Sun 18-Dec-16 10:05:23

Six weeks? Jesus. I couldn't put up with my own family for that long let alone someone else's.

StealthPolarBear Sun 18-Dec-16 10:08:04

What happens if you just don't do it (hoover, cook, pit kettle on)?
No one should be waited in hand and foot for six weeks unless they are under 5, have just had an operation or just had a baby!

arethereanyleftatall Sun 18-Dec-16 10:11:10

Omg. Yanbu.
There's no way I would tolerate this, it's absurd. He cannot invite his parents and then fuck off the whole time leaving you to host. It's unthinkable he thinks that's acceptable.

Gooseygoosey12345 Sun 18-Dec-16 10:16:36

YANBU. Just don't do it. I'd even go as far as to tell them to put the kettle on and ask what's for dinner because I'm just that kind of person smile maybe then they'll realise how much they're taking the p**s! I'd have words with your OH as well, did he discuss asking them to stay for 6 weeks with you or did he make that decision on his own?
Definitely speak to your PIL and tell them that they'll need to look after themselves this time and you expect them to clear up after themselves as you're too busy to do so

00100001 Sun 18-Dec-16 10:17:23

Fuck that

Say thy can;t stay for that long
Don't wait on them hand and foot - TELL them to help out.

BuffyTheMLMHunter Sun 18-Dec-16 10:23:08

He did discuss it with me before inviting them, ams I expected it to be a couple of weeks at most, but FIL is v feed up with MIL so asked if they could come for a bit longer (he gets a break as he's more active and goes out and about while they're here) - 6 weeks is his doing. I love him dearly so can't begrudge him his only break of the year. FIL is a gem... MIL is more of a lump of coal blush

TheSparrowhawk Sun 18-Dec-16 10:27:24

That's a sad situation. But if he's such a gem why does he sit around while you wait on him?

pullingmyhairout1 Sun 18-Dec-16 10:31:54

Stuff that. I'd be booking a cleaner no matter what.

Six weeks is way too long.

YouTheCat Sun 18-Dec-16 10:36:59

6 weeks is too long. If your fil needs a break why doesn't he book himself a holiday?

It is hugely unfair of your dh to expect you to entertain his parents for that amount of time.

arethereanyleftatall Sun 18-Dec-16 10:45:52

Why can't your fil get out and about and be active when he's at home?

elvis86 Sun 18-Dec-16 11:08:25

A 6 week visit is completely OTT and unreasonable. Even if it's a 6 hour flight, a fortnight is quite adequate and I'd expect your OH to be taking some holiday from work during that fortnight! Presumably your whole life gets put on hold for 6 entire weeks?

Why are you lumbered with all the cleaning and cooking to facilitate his parents' visit? Even if that's usually how you divide things up on account of you working part-time, I'd demand that OH stepped up during a prolonged visit from his parents.

Sounds like you're possibly falling into that sexist trap yourself, though - you say FIL is a "gem", yet you indicate that both MIL and FIL are happy to let you wait on them? It's no bigger crime for MIL to do that just because she's a woman.

You must be mad to have agreed to this visit, sorry!

BuffyTheMLMHunter Sun 18-Dec-16 11:47:47

He tries but MIL panics and starts calling him if he's gone too long so he gets no peace - she's scared he'll get hit by a bus or something. She won't do that while she's here though, think she just doesn't like to be alone.

BuffyTheMLMHunter Sun 18-Dec-16 11:56:17

Ah, should have said that FIL is not as bad. He's v old school so can't cook much beyond toast but he does help with errands/shopping where he can.

I have a strained relationship with MIL and FIL appreciates how difficult she is. He tries to make her see sense/be reasonable/be kind but she's her own woman and won't be told.

LobsterQuadrille Sun 18-Dec-16 12:26:39

I would have a work crisis that coincides with their first two weeks of stating with you, necessitating your frequent absences from the house (work in your local library?) and a closed door policy with various deadlines and phone calls.

No one can make you feel inferior (or treat you like a skivvy) without your consent.

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