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To feel abused?

(29 Posts)
malificent7 Sun 20-Nov-16 12:12:42

Went out last night with dp. Left dd 8 with lovely sitters and one of her best mates.
This morning ive been told that im a shit mum, the outfit i was wearing was shit and didnt look good and btw could she keep the cape i was wearing.
When i said no she said i was a shite mum before.

I would feel hurt if an adult said this.. aibu to tell her she knows where the door is if she thinks im a shit mum?

I do my best. Im not the perfect mum but i work bloody hard to keep her clothed and a roof over our heads.

I think she's annoyed i went out without her.

malificent7 Sun 20-Nov-16 12:13:28

Shite mum again.. sorry typos.

Msqueen33 Sun 20-Nov-16 12:15:09

Your 8 year old said this?! My eldest is nearly eight and I would go mental! Especially if she used a swear word. Kids say rubbish things and hurtful things but she'd be punished.

Soubriquet Sun 20-Nov-16 12:17:13

And what punishment have you given her for saying that?

Bluntness100 Sun 20-Nov-16 12:18:42

Clearly she is lashing out as something upsetting her. I'd try to find out what, and then I'd talk to her calmly about how she speaks to people and about how to express her feelings better.

Topseyt Sun 20-Nov-16 12:18:48

She is 8. Tell her to stop being so rude and that you won't be spoken to like that.

If she were mine at that age I would then have sent them to their rooms and told them not to reappear until they could apologise fully and be civil to me. They could stay there all day if necessary.

DonaldStott Sun 20-Nov-16 12:20:21

I think this is meant to be some kind of joke going by the OP's username, but it's a monumental fail as it is not funny in the least.

TupsNSups Sun 20-Nov-16 12:21:00

Do not allow her to speak to you like that.

Soubriquet Sun 20-Nov-16 12:21:19

Shit joke if it's supposed to be one

Sorry shite hmm

Topseyt Sun 20-Nov-16 12:21:36

I would have sent mine to their rooms if they had been that rude, with the instruction to stay there until they could apologise fully and be pleasant.

Stormwhale Sun 20-Nov-16 12:28:23


mrsmuddlepies Sun 20-Nov-16 12:40:35

aibu to tell her she knows where the door is
You would tell an eight year old to leave home if she criticises you? You surely realise that this is an empty threat but also a truly horrible thing to say to a child?
She learns from you, model to her the way that you want her to behave to you. Treat her politely and with respect. She will model that behaviour back to you.
Oh and yabu.

Scooby20 Sun 20-Nov-16 12:48:58

If it's a joke I don't get it.

If it's not, surely you would be concerned what had happened to make your child talk like that.

If she shouts and screams and you throw stuff back like 'there's the door if you don't like it' , you need to sort out how both interact with each other.

Your child saying something horrible isn't the same as an adult. Especially when the child is your child. Still not nice. But your reaction isn't great either.

Children struggle with feelings and we should guide them on how to express that in a constructive way.

If dh spoke to me like that he would be out the door. If my child spoke to me like that I would be helping her.

YeOldMa Sun 20-Nov-16 12:51:50

I would have probably told mine that if they thought I was a shite Mum, I could oblige them by being one. However, if they wanted to talk to me about why they were feeling the way they were, then I'd be happy to listen. I don't think yabu but you could probably do better parenting before you showed them the door. grin

malificent7 Sun 20-Nov-16 12:52:03

Well she said i was a rubbish mum rather than a shit mum... but i feel like shit.

Soubriquet Sun 20-Nov-16 12:53:08

Still unacceptable OP

You are an adult and are allowed to go out and drink.

I would've have sent her friend straight home and sent her to her room until she learned her manners

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Nov-16 12:56:47

What cape??

Have you sat her down and asked if anything happened while you were out?

Is it possible the babysitter isn't as nice to her as you think she is?

Serialweightwatcher Sun 20-Nov-16 12:56:51

So what were her actual words? You implied she had said 'shit' and 'shite' and now she said 'rubbish' hmm ....... lots of children from time to time, especially ones who think they are entitled, can be rude to parents and call them rubbish etc to get a reaction. If she did this, you need to stop doing so much for her for a week or so to show her that's what a 'rubbish' mum would do and tell her never to speak to you like that again unless she wants to be grounded/lose something

EdmundCleverClogs Sun 20-Nov-16 13:00:58

No, it's not ok for her to call you a rubbish mum because you chose to go out.

However, it's unlikely this came from nowhere, and it's a bit worrying that your instinct is to suggest to an 8 year old that 'she knows where the door is'. Also, 'not a perfect mum, but keeps her clothes with a roof over her head', does always mean a child is happy. I was told I shouldn't be an angry child because of those things, but I had a horrible childhood which awful, selfish parents (not saying that's the case here). Have you asked why she's angry today?

crashdoll Sun 20-Nov-16 13:01:09

Difficult one, what is she like normally? What triggered the outburst?

EdmundCleverClogs Sun 20-Nov-16 13:02:00

So many typos there! Sorry...

WorraLiberty Sun 20-Nov-16 13:08:31

Some good points there Edmund

SheldonCRules Sun 20-Nov-16 13:10:52

She's obviously upset about something and lashing out. She's 8, normal loving parents don't think about making their 8 year olds leave home.

It sounds like she has issues with you leaving her to go out and with your DP. Perhaps you need to prioritise her rather than your relationship at present, no man should ever come before a child despite your views on other thread that she doesn't get to dictate who is in your life.

DonaldStott Sun 20-Nov-16 13:19:13

I need to apologise OP. I thought with your username and randomly talking about your dd wanting your cape, that you were having a laugh. Obviously not.

TrinityForce Sun 20-Nov-16 13:21:25

You feel abused because your 8YO DD has been rude to you?


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