Hi, I have one DS who is 2 years 2 months. Me and my partner both work FT. I work shifts so get 2 weekends off in a four week period. I do get some days off during the week. When I first found out I was pregnant my partner's parents offered to look after DS when I returned to work. My Mum passed away when I was a child and my Dad is elderly. I have no one else to turn to for support family wise and my few friends work/have their own lives. We accepted their offer and fortunately I didn't return to work until DS was 14 months. As it happens my in-laws now have DS for 5 full days (7.30-4ish) and 3 half-days (12-5ish) a month. This was their decision and they have never complained. I started DS in nursery for one half day a week in August. My MIL wasn't too impressed with this, worrying it wouldn't be good for DS and 'what would he eat'. It really wound me up at the time because I did it so he is around other kids and socialising/doing stuff as bless them, the in-laws never take him anywhere and he spends a good proportion of the day watching tv or youtube on granddad's phone (another bone of contention!)
I'm just getting so stressed with their conflicting ideas on childcare. Still at his age DS won't fully feed himself, MIL insists on spoon feeding him his meals like he's still about 6 months old! When I've said anything she says 'he's only a baby.' She doesn't seem to get it at all that I want DS to start being more independent with feeding and in general like playing alone, trying to dress himself etc. They follow him around all day answering to every beck and call. I'm dreading potty training! I've noticed that compared to his peers he is very reluctant to try new things or to join in with play. Eating is a nightmare as every meal he refuses my MIL presents a cheese sandwich which he gobbles down. I don't tend to talk face to face about things with her so it's either a text to MIL asking her do/not do things (in a nice way) or through my partner who never wants to say anything to them. I just feel awful saying anything to them as they've done us a favour and saved us money on childcare. We feel beholden to them. I kinda wish I would have put him in childcare sooner!
Anyway, I've started to really struggle when I work my week of afternoons as I don't finish until midnight, get home then have to wind down it's then the early hours. I'm then up early with DS next day. It's then such a rush to get him ready, get myself ready, prepare my meals for lunch and tea, sort his lunch out as well as chores, constant attention he demands. I end up rushing about like a mad woman and have to drop him off at in-laws in time to get to work. I then get a comment like 'You're late' from her, with no thought of the amount of stuff I have to do before I even leave the house. She isn't very understanding, although lovely I just want them to offer to start picking DS up to save me all this hassle and stress. I have a stressful job in the emergency services as it is, I'm getting to work to start a 10 or 11 hour shift absolutely exhausted and worked up. It would be great if they would just offer to pick him up, it would only be 3 times a month. I've offered to buy them a car seat. I've asked my partner to ask them but he hasn't yet. In-laws have a car that never moves from outside their house. My MIL is 70, she's mobile but has a bad hip which she gets some pain from. My FIL is 68 and is mobile but never moves from his chair. He has had some health problems in recent years. Both can drive but tend to just use public transport, they live about 4 miles from our house but never visit. They just always expect us to come to them.
Any advice, and before anyone says. I am extremely grateful for all their help and they know it. Just get so frustrated ......
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AIBU?
to ask grandparents to pick DS up a few times a month when they care for him.
31 replies
Bambi1980 · 01/11/2016 20:16
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