I had a gorgeous au-pair from Germany. He was helpful, polite, considerate and lovely to have around. Half way through his trip he broke up with his long standing girlfriend back in Germany (her decision) and was a serious mess for quite a few weeks afterwards but didn't want to return home. I would say he was very soft and extremely naive and after his girlfriend broke off their relationship he seemed really lost.
Approximately 4 weeks before he was due to return to Germany my youngest (of 4dcs) started at a new school. By new I mean the school was completely new to the area so although she was going into year 2 all of the children would be new to the school/class.
A week later he announced he was going on a date. Aside from laughing with him at him leaving it so late I wished him luck. Then I found out it was someone from the school. Thinking it was possibly another childminder or aupair I thought nothing more of it. Gradually I found out that it was another mother (so ok, slightly worried as have not met her etc but still ok), then that this was the mother of one of my daughter's new best friends - so now I'm slightly more uncomfortable but worrying that I don't really have the right to be so simply asked him not to bring her home at night as meeting her whilst wandering around at night in my nightie isn't how I'd envisaged meeting a new mum.
Then just a couple of days before he returned to Germany I found out the full story. She's 39 years old with a 19 year old son and a six year old daughter whom my dc is now close friends with. My au-pair has spent nights over there and dc's friend mentions it. Possibly wrongly but I feel that she seriously took advantage of him. I know he paid for their dates out and au-pairs don't earn a lot! I'm relieved he returned to Germany. I know he's technically an adult, but emotionally he was still extremely young and naive and I felt responsible for him whilst he was with us and in an odd way I feel I somehow let him down.
And now..... she's now approached my new au-pair (though not asked him out yet) and has passed her phone number on to me so we can meet up for "play dates". What the heck do I do?
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AIBU?
AIBU to avoid this mum's advances after she dated my au pair?
42 replies
Wills · 19/10/2016 16:26
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