My feed
Premium
Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

to be angry with DH....

30 replies

Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 11:20

Hi. Today the DH is going out with a friend, our lo, his dm and dd and I'm not going. I'm too tired and dizzy for the 2hr drive as ystrday I drove for over 4hrs. He can't drive but his Mum will pick him up. Also the house is an absolute disgrace....as the last few weekends we've been at the in laws due to relatives visiting from abroad. I feel like I'm coming down with something and I have a hugely stressful meeting at work tomorrow with managers to discuss my future. I wouldn't mind but this 'friend' is stunning, he kissed her when he was 16 and they went to a prom together. My FIL made a speech on their wedding day and said how my dh and her were close growing up and my MIL goes on about how they went to the prom together growing up and were so gorgeous together. Also she's always moody around me and gets tetchy with me if I tell off my lo around her. I feel my dh should be at least a tiny bit apologetic he's going out for the day and leaving me to sort out (mostly his) mess. Or should stay and offer to help. We could even take our lo to the park after tidying on the one day we actually get together as a family...he works the rest of the time and he got a day off in the week when he got to see his Mum. I urged him last Sun that we have today just a day us 3. But I made the mistake of asking him to take our lo or for a bit so I could tidy the now unbearable tip....just to the local park....not far away with a weird 'friend'. Maybe I'm being stupid. Bet you'll all tell me it is. My lo is crying now and has gone but v much wanted to stay with me.

OP posts:
Report
LIZS · 09/10/2016 11:23

Yes you're being daft. If you're not well, you don't tidy up.

Report
Gazelda · 09/10/2016 11:30

I wouldn't have gone if it were me. But neither would I be spending the day tidying/cleaning. Do a bit, then you can do the rest together during the week.

But I do think you are being unreasonable about him going out. You asked him to take DD out, it doesn't sound as though you've told him you we're hoping he'd offer to stay and help with the housework.

You sound uneasy about the friend - any element of jealousy?

Why was your DD crying about leaving you? This would be playing on my mind the most.

Report
HermioneJeanGranger · 09/10/2016 11:46

If you don't feel very well, why on earth would you tidy up? Stay in bed and sleep!

Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 11:51

I've gone for the bed option. I did tell him.I hoped he would help with housework. He yelled at me. Yes I'm very jealous of the friend. I'm also heartbroken because my daughter is so upset and thought it would be too much for her to go

OP posts:
Report
StealthPolarBear · 09/10/2016 11:56

Whose wedding did your fil make a speech at?

Report
StealthPolarBear · 09/10/2016 11:57

And your dd's not going? So it's just him, this friend and his mum?
Am I missing something?

Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 11:57

The friends wedding

OP posts:
Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 11:59

dd has gone with him

OP posts:
Report
StealthPolarBear · 09/10/2016 11:59

He made a speech at his sons ex's wedding to another man? Are the families really close?

Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 12:00

Yep....she is basically like the daughter his parents never had...they worship her

OP posts:
Report
debbs77 · 09/10/2016 12:00

You should have gone together or no one goes. You sound like you're being a martyr!!!!

Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 12:00

She is lovely to them to be fair

OP posts:
Report
phillipp · 09/10/2016 12:01

I am not confused.

You asked him to take her out so he is.

Your dd didn't want to go at last minute. Now you are heart broken.

Overall I think yabu.

He has been friends with this women for years. You knew this when you married him.

Kids often don't want to go somewhere last minute and then have a great time. Your dd will be fine.

It's not clear what you wanted him to do.

Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 12:01

Debs....I told my dh that....but he just went anyway

OP posts:
Report
phillipp · 09/10/2016 12:02

You should have gone together or no one goes.

I think I am genuinely missing something. Why should it be everyone or no one

Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 12:02

Ok....I don't know what I want him to do....maybe I wish he put his wife first occasionally

OP posts:
Report
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 09/10/2016 12:02

I'd be angry, too. He can't even take his own child out for a bit on his own, he has to involve the parents and this "friend". So, they get a grand day out while you clean and tidy, doing on your own what you should be sharing. And he shouted at you when you commented on it. That's a guilty conscience talking.

You've gone to bed, so good for you!

Report
StealthPolarBear · 09/10/2016 12:04

Well they're truly having a family day out without you then.

Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 12:05

I have known about friend....she split up his last relationship as his ex before me banned him completely from seeing her, which I thought was awful. I feel uneasy about him going today but know that I'm being unreasonable. She is his friend and has tried to be nice to me, as I have to her. I just wanted to have a day with my dh and dd cos we never get that....this is all my fault

OP posts:
Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 12:09

In my dreams I wanted us to go out for a nice autumnal walk and go out for lunch together....just us 3 for one rare weekend. But I'm so tired i feel ill...i didn't sleep all last week cos I'm about to lose my job. And i really needed to sort out the house. If he'd said...oh i will help you this evening, or even sorry I'm leaving you on your own when you're so tired....i'd not be upset at all, regardless of who he's seeing

OP posts:
Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 12:11

I wouldn't mind that he's gone if he'd just been a tad apologetic, hope you feel better when I'm back, you rest...I'll help you when I'm home. Not tell me I'm being unreasonable because I can't and won't drive them around

OP posts:
Report
Fedupd0tcom · 09/10/2016 12:14

Also he got mad I wouldn't go....started telling me I'm having a nervous breakdown....because i feel tired, achy and have chills...thanks dh, thanks. Not sorry you're ill....we'll go so you can rest and be back asap

OP posts:
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

user1471545174 · 09/10/2016 12:22

I'd be really pissed off too, OP. What Stealth said. Seems unbelievably thoughtless especially as you don't feel well. Flowers

Report
Martha75 · 09/10/2016 12:23

So where's her DH then?
or have I missed something?

In your dreams you imagined a nice autumn day out together, do it soon when you feel better. Unless your DH catches the bug from you then he will know how you feel.
You chose not to go because you feel ill so you can't really moan now.
Why did you have to do the driving? They have somehow managed to go out without you driving.

Good luck re your job

Report
HeyNannyNanny · 09/10/2016 12:39

Have a proper sit down conversation with your DH to calmly and rationally discuss the things you are unhappy/uncomfortable about.

If he gets angry, defensive or dismissive - you need to put some serious thought into why you are with him.

If he is a decent bloke, he will recognise how stressed and down you are, talk it through, and make steps to improve things with you.

Weirdly Close Friend sounds like an uncomfortable addition to this mix but should perhaps be left to discuss at another time, as I imagine it would dominate the conversation and seems like a sore point for your DH (rightly or wrongly).

You're PIL, FWIW, sound insensitive at best very spiteful.

If you are sick, stressed, feeling unsupported - these are all valid things to bring up in a relationship.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.