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To not want to go out today but stay in and veg?

(28 Posts)
Puzzledconfusedandbewildered Sun 28-Aug-16 10:11:33

We promised the dc we'd take them to a local outdoor event today however I've woken up in a lot of pain and am incredibly grumpy. We are forever having to cancel events and days out because of my poor health so it would be nice to not have to.

However I really don't feel I can go. I feel dh is on the end of his tether with me backing out of family days and him having to do them alone so on that front and due to the kids I feel obligated to go.

I need pain relief and sleep though.

YvaineStormhold Sun 28-Aug-16 10:13:09

Can your husband take the kids out while you get the rest you need?

You can't help your health. Maybe you could have another day out when you feel better?

cardibach Sun 28-Aug-16 10:14:55

YANBU to want to, but it sounds as though it's a pretty big deal to your family. Not wanting to pry, but what sort of pan? Could you mitigate it by using motability equipment or by going but basing yourself in one place while DH and DCs do the moving about?
It sounds like you'll feel guilty if you don't go and that's not restful either.

Puzzledconfusedandbewildered Sun 28-Aug-16 10:16:37

I walk with crutches and pride won't let me use anything else. It's widespread nerve pain, like a whole body migraine is the best way to describe it

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm Sun 28-Aug-16 10:46:04

Could you comprise and go out for half a day?

DoublyTroubly Sun 28-Aug-16 10:55:47

To be honest, you're definitely being unreasonable if you could manage to go with mobility AIDS but are too "proud" to use them. What on earth has pride got to do with using a wheelchair (or other aid) and why would you expect your family to miss out because of it?

Bumpmadethemjump Sun 28-Aug-16 11:00:25

You can't help your health but you shouldn't keep promising to go on days out with your kids then letting them down on the day, especially if you could use different mobility aids but choose not too.

cardibach Sun 28-Aug-16 11:03:44

What has pride to do with it? Do you think it's shameful to use a wheelchair?

Onenerfwarfrombreakdown Sun 28-Aug-16 11:10:34

Put your pride on the back burner, use whatever help/aids/equipment you need to be able to spend some good quality time with your family.

I say this as the daughter of a mother with a chronic condition who has been a wheelchair user for many years. She does what she can to the best of her ability (without over tiring herself as the consequences of that are worse) and uses what she needs (chair, adapted car etc) to do so. Her condition doesn't define her. Her attitude is that her chair is simply a means to an end to be able to get where she wants to go (with go faster stripes on the side). She's awesome. smile

CakeNinja Sun 28-Aug-16 11:15:20

Good god, as you're forever having to cancel days out with the DC that they are really looking forward to due to your ill health, why on earth would you promise them anything like this, confused knowing it might not happen?

Obviously you can't help your health but it's really unfair on the kids who seem to have a lot of fun cancelled because you don't feel up to it, so just don't tell them.

And ditch the pride and start using something more robust.

ICanCountToOneHundred Sun 28-Aug-16 11:28:36

Do you have access to a wheelchair or would there be one available at the venue.

Shinyshoes2 Sun 28-Aug-16 11:32:53

I think Yabu . I have 3 children and i would never dream of keep arranging days out then lettingn them downed either fuck the pride and use aids OR don't make promises you can't keep

LagunaBubbles Sun 28-Aug-16 11:39:01

Why do you promise to go if there is a big chance you won't be up to it? Surely that's more of an issue than not saying you will go in the first place?

summerainbow Sun 28-Aug-16 12:25:38

I think it time to let your pride go and use a wheelchair.

NerrSnerr Sun 28-Aug-16 12:29:52

I think you need to stop promising days out if you're forever having to cancel them. Your options are that your husband take them out or you use a wheelchair. It's not fair that your children miss out.

gamerchick Sun 28-Aug-16 12:45:39

I agree man, you shouldn't promise. Broken promises especially repeated ones leave their mark on bairns.

You can't get some funky electric scooters these days. I had to comment to one dude who had his customised. It was the coolest ride I'd ever seen.

Sort out your pride or stop promising. It's selfish to do both.

NoCapes Sun 28-Aug-16 12:51:23

Feel a bit sorry for these kids tbh
I'm not well atm, I also have anxiety and usually can't leave the house unless I'm fully made up and 'presentable' in my own head
I haven't had the physical energy to get ready and do days out this summer
So I've spent days out at these parks/farms/zoos with my hair scraped back in a bun and Ko make up on
I feel awfully self concious and physically a bit 'dirty' but my kids have had to come before my pride

Get a bloody wheelchair woman

TamaraHiddlestoned Sun 28-Aug-16 13:14:54

Oh please, Show some humanity, don't pile all that guilt onto the OP!
It's mind-numbingly awful when you are chronically ill; neuropathic pain is particularly evil.
Yes of course the OP shouldn't repeatedly let her children down, yes she should swallow her pride & use a wheelchair (or frame, scooter &tc).
I'm sure she knows all that.
Can you imagine having your whole life turned upside down by a random illness, the sort that takes everything you thought you knew about yourself and your life & destroys it?? Trust me, I'm in that place, it's foul, cruel, unfair beyond words.
We try to live some of our lives like normal people. We try not to let our children miss out; telling them that we are going out for a treat is what normal people do & naturally it motivates everyone. But then on the day when you realise that you can't do it, that all you are is a burden, nothing you can do is adequate - well, that's when you don't want to go out, to leave the house, to see anyone.
Good luck OP, I hope you are able to access so better mobility aids & to do some small activities with your family.
Please be kind to yourself flowers

wonderwoo Sun 28-Aug-16 13:15:57

I have chronic pain and this year I have finally got a mobility scooter. It really.has opened up my world, and therefore my kids' worlds too. I really recommend it. I can now say yes to days out without the massive dread of how I will cope.

Try to ditch the pride, life is too short. (Also, my kids love having a go on my scooter- great fun for them).

wonderwoo Sun 28-Aug-16 13:18:43

Sorry OP, hope I wasn't insensitive. I understand your guilt and how limiting illness can be. Try to rest today. Give your kids a cuddle and tell them you love them (and your DP). And maybe look at mobility aids for future. It really was life changing for me.

TamaraHiddlestoned Sun 28-Aug-16 13:29:52

Good for you, Wonderwoo!

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Sun 28-Aug-16 13:58:48

I walk with crutches and pride won't let me use anything else.

I feel I can say this because I've been there, OP.

You won't let you use anything else. You are placing that ahead of your family's well-being. Is it worth it? No.

Don't pretend to yourself that you don't have choice about this. You have my whole-hearted sympathy, you really really do. I know how grim it is. I had to imagine my children looking back on their childhoods and all the empty spaces where there could have been memories to get into that chair. flowers

gonetoseeamanaboutadog Sun 28-Aug-16 14:00:50

And BTW, why shouldn't you use a chair and feel exactly the same about yourself? Would you judge anyone else who used them or see them any differently? Do you think you're 'not like them' or something?

specialsubject Sun 28-Aug-16 14:01:02

No makeup and hair tied back is clean, not dirty!!

NoCapes Sun 28-Aug-16 14:06:52

special I know, it just doesn't feel it to me because I don't feel 'ready'
It's my anxiety talking

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