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Can you date someone...

(35 Posts)
Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 22:57:53

Who you like but who sometimes makes you cringe a bit blush

It's very early days and he's sweet but sometimes I cringe (inwardly) with things he says etc. Maybe it's me. I'm pissed

Oysterbabe Fri 08-Jul-16 22:59:10

Give us an example.

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:00:00

I know this sounds ridiculous but we have been messaging a bit after and he sometimes uses expressions I use. I'm not sure if it's an attempt to make me like him more?! It's put me off a bit blush

MiddleClassProblem Fri 08-Jul-16 23:01:06

It depends if it's a cringe "that's gross" or a cringe "not my cuppa" (as in humour/cheese etc)

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:01:21

So there's a few expressions that I always use and he has just wedged them into our messages together. On a date when I was talking about places I had been to/wanted to go to he mentioned all the same ones I had previously spoken about

MiddleClassProblem Fri 08-Jul-16 23:01:30

Like what?

MiddleClassProblem Fri 08-Jul-16 23:02:04

That's less cringe and more trying too hard/not natural

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:02:27

Just makes me feel a bit, I don't know, weird. I'd rather see what he's like!

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:02:58

Exactly, exactly, both of those things. I don't like it!

thedragonflyinn Fri 08-Jul-16 23:03:14

In my experience, if you're cringing this early in the relationship it will only get worse. I had a similar experience and persevered thinking that eventually the things that made me cringe would eventually become cute quirks I loved about him-they didn't!

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:04:43

I want to shake him and tell him to be himself.

MiddleClassProblem Fri 08-Jul-16 23:06:45

If you want to keep trying then maybe try to encourage him to go first with answers. For me that would be a big no though

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Fri 08-Jul-16 23:07:35

Hmmmmm sounds imbalanced to me. He's trying too hard to impress you and you want to shake him. Don't think that sounds great if I'm honest.

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:09:14

I don't actually want to shake him, I think he's nice! I would just like to get to know the real him... And not sure why he's trying so hard confused

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:09:53

I want to ask if there's any point in persevering, like do you think he will become more open?!

acasualobserver Fri 08-Jul-16 23:10:04

Is he good in bed?

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:10:41

Not sure yet casual, just kissed. He's shy by the way.

Nothavingfunrightnow Fri 08-Jul-16 23:11:35

Move on! He is mirroring you and even if he is as genuine as he could be, you will tire of him.

Why should you work so hard to be comfortable with him?

Cabrinha Fri 08-Jul-16 23:11:48

I don't think it's the mirroring as much as your gut feel about someone.
If you like them and they copy your expressions, you're all "ha! I love him, he's adopted my language".
If your gut says no, the same behaviour will make you cringe.

I dated (OLD) one that did this - language a bit, but mostly the I-like-what-you-like stuff, and frankly the hero worship made me want to murder him!

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Fri 08-Jul-16 23:14:33

*If you like them and they copy your expressions, you're all "ha! I love him, he's adopted my language".
If your gut says no, the same behaviour will make you cringe.*

YY to this^^. If he makes you cringe, then how can you have a decent relationship? I don't have anyone in my life who makes me cringe (ok my parents when I was a teenager maybe, but not since then). It sounds hard work.

daisychain01 Fri 08-Jul-16 23:15:49

He's probably been swotting up on his psychobable. All that stuff about 'mirroring', similar mannerisms as you, same words you use, so it makes you feel he's the same "type" of person etc.

Have you tried repeating a few things he comes out accidentally on purpose to see if he notices?

To be honest, my DH does it with me and I find it subliminally comforting, sort of "in harmony" and all that crap yes I'm weird

daisychain01 Fri 08-Jul-16 23:18:40

Lots of X posting mirroring going on.

SteviebunsBottrittrundle Fri 08-Jul-16 23:19:48

grin daisy.

Halftheworldaway Fri 08-Jul-16 23:25:27

I definitely understand the logic behind it. It's just it has literally been our second date (short of messaging in between) and I like him, but would like to get to know the real him!!

CoolCarrie Fri 08-Jul-16 23:31:28

Give it time, esp if he is a shy guy.

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