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To think I was not wrong in saying I would go to the police

(69 Posts)
MsJamieFraser Mon 27-Jun-16 22:15:31

Ds is 6 and hes been playing outside recently,with his older brother (cul-de-sac) there has been a few spats recently where 4 12 year old children have been hitting him, and him hitting them, today however he was left with hand prints across his face, and body, he was screaming.

I went to the parents houses and said that although I understand ds is no angel and he can take games too far, and he has at times hurt people, not deliberately I may add, and he himself has been hurt etc... playing rugby tag, etc.. but that I cannot allow 12 year olds to hit ds, leaving marks across his face and body an showed them the photographs that I had taken.

3 parents apologised and I asked them to tell their children to come and tell me, I also apologised for ds's behaviour towards there children.

I went to the 4th parent, who basically just told me that if ds hits his child then my ds is going to get hit back, I told him No he needs to get his child to tell me and I would punish ds, he said tuff and ds will get walloped if he hits his child, I then said well no he wont and if your child assaults my child again, I would have no option but to call the police.

With this he mumbled something and slammed the door.

Im not here to discuss why we have let our child out to play, we all parent differently and I have made the decision now that ds will now not be playing out until he matures, its defo been a lesson learnt.

However WIBU to say I would go to the police if the hitting continued?

I would be very unhappy if a 16 year old hit my 10 year old, so I dont see why it should not be the other way round.

SilverDragonfly1 Mon 27-Jun-16 22:20:47

Four 12 year olds against one 6 year old?

YANBU!!!

PPie10 Mon 27-Jun-16 22:22:02

Well if you were aware of them hitting him then why haven't you stopped this playing together?
Also if he is hitting the others then you really can't expect them to not hit back. You were aware of this so you could have done something earlier to prevent it.

BackforGood Mon 27-Jun-16 22:22:23

Seems OTT to me.
12 yr olds are not always mature enough to understand that they can't hit back a smaller child.
I would be focusing on why my own dc was hitting others, and, if you are aware this is something he is doing, why he isn't being supervised.

I can't help thinking there are much better things the police could be spending time on. This is something you can deal with yourself.

msgrinch Mon 27-Jun-16 22:25:10

Yabu. The police?! Be serious.

LynetteScavo Mon 27-Jun-16 22:27:22

I know 14yo who think whacking each other is the funniest game ever. They are best friends. hmm
I wouldn't phone the police, but DT al the kids together, say the hitting has gone too far..point out your DS is half their age and remind all of the DC hitting is not acceptable.

Wolfiefan Mon 27-Jun-16 22:32:14

Don't let your six year old play out unsupervised? Especially if he's walloping other kids.
Then the hitting can't continue. So no need to go to the police!
confused

Farandole Mon 27-Jun-16 22:33:45

I think YABU. When I was 11 I was bullied by a much younger child at school, he must have been six. He was constantly kicking me, following me, calling me names. One day I snapped and hit back. He never bullied me again. I feel no remorse at all, he was a little fucker and made my life utterly miserable.

antiqueroadhoe Mon 27-Jun-16 22:33:56

I think the fact you have suggested it is enough. You don't know that the parent who appeared to be unsupportive and rude doesn't tell his son off about it. And you don't know that the parents who appeared supportive don't just shrug it off. You can't control that. All you can do is what you have done - explain your next step and stop your son going out until he's a bit older.

Farandole Mon 27-Jun-16 22:35:24

My point is, just because kids are 11-12 doesn't mean they should take abuse from your son. Even at 12 it hurts when you get kicked/hit/slapped.

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 27-Jun-16 22:38:34

Hhhhmmm I'm torn on this without further info, the rules here are you never ever got someone first but if someone hits you then you hit them back harder, never start a fight but do finish it. But that doesn't count with younger kids, they are our rules and I know not everyone will agree BUT there was a boy three years younger than dd who kept hitting her, she kept ignoring him and he kept doing it, his mother often saw and ignored it so I said rule change and to hit him back and hard, he never hit her again.

Your op sounds like your ds is a hitter so I would say IF that is the case then you would have gotten a similar, but polite, answer at my door

Nocabbageinmyeye Mon 27-Jun-16 22:39:31

Hit someone not got

callherwillow Mon 27-Jun-16 22:40:54

I think their behaviour is horrible but I do think your son is a bit young to be playing with such older children without any adult supervision

AnchorDownDeepBreath Mon 27-Jun-16 22:41:13

I don't think the police would be advisable.

I don't think letting a six year old out to play is advisable either, especially one that still has poor impulse control.

We might all parent differently but we all need to parent responsibly too.

AnnaMarlowe Mon 27-Jun-16 22:42:29

Well 12 yo shouldn't be hitting a 6 yo but at the same time a 6yo is old enough to know not to hit either.

If your child has been hitting their's then I'm not sure how a police conversation would go really. Perhaps someone more knowledgeable will come along.

To me this incident (and the others) would demonstrate that your 6 yo shouldn't be playing with the 12 yos (I'm surprised they want to TBH).

MsJamieFraser Mon 27-Jun-16 22:42:33

My son wasn't abusing them, they were showing ds how to play a clapping game and then one of the kids then decided to get harder, ds joins in harder, then one kid fully slapped him across his face where you can see their hand print, then the others started hitting ds on his body, ds1 tried to stop them but he just got pushed out the way.

Ds isn't deliberately meaning to hurt people, he isnt being nasty with it, hes doing it when they are playing games, and they all get it out of hand, or do it to hard etc... ds has done this to others and others to him. Mostly its games being took too far etc... but still I wont excuse ds behaviour.

Ds wont be going out again.

Floggingmolly Mon 27-Jun-16 22:43:30

Stop letting your 6 year old play out on his own hmm. The police may well offer the same solution if you bother them with this.

PPie10 Mon 27-Jun-16 22:44:23

Your ds might not be doing it deliberately then you could say that of the other kids. The point is that you were aware of this previously and you should have been more proactive in preventing this from happening.

sizeofalentil Mon 27-Jun-16 22:45:05

Are you sure they're all friends and your DS isn't tagging along and annoying them? It sounds like it's going to all end in tears tbh.

MsJamieFraser Mon 27-Jun-16 22:47:59

No they are friends, they come and knock for him, and they will all listen to music at the front door, ds will take his ipod and speakers out, and they all have dance offs and they play teachers, he was mostly only allowed to be at the front door, but then we started allowing him to play on the green, and then it all started, there is another younger child who they also play with.

Lunar1 Mon 27-Jun-16 22:49:04

Stop letting your 6 year old play with them!

Floggingmolly Mon 27-Jun-16 22:49:25

A gang of 12 year old's come knocking for your 6 year old, and you let him go with them? Wise up, op.

Costacoffeeplease Mon 27-Jun-16 22:50:18

Yabu - your son is obviously not ready to be allowed out to play on his own, you were aware of an issue, you should have stopped it before it got out of hand, and I think the police would be of the same view

Costacoffeeplease Mon 27-Jun-16 22:51:23

Cross post

You let 12 year olds call for him? Really? When he's 6. Wow

MsJamieFraser Mon 27-Jun-16 22:53:28

Yes along with his older brother, I also know 2 of the parents, our children have grown up with each other, my dh and there dads do activities together etc.. they are not strange kids, and I can hear them on the green is 15 ft from my front door, where all the kids play.

Im not letting 12 year old strangers take my child, some of these kids both my dc have known since birth.

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