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to be annoyed by my 'friend'

(33 Posts)
rockchick78 Fri 10-Jun-16 12:44:35

To avoid drip feeding this will be a long one!

I have a friend (we'll call him Dave!) I have taken in as a lodger. Dave shared a house with a friend of his but he moved out of the house to be with his gf who had fallen pregnant. This left Dave financially unable to keep the house up alone, then he lost his job.

I have a 3 bedroomed house, and another lodger who works nights. I offered Dave the room if he could afford the rent (bills all included). He filled in all the necessary forms to claim unemployment benefit and housing benefit. He paid a month up front (that his dad wrote a cheque for) and his rent is due mid month. Last month he was £70 short and next week his rent is due again.

Now, I understand he is struggling and I understand this... But this is impacting on my financial situation and I can't afford to keep him.

The biggest thing is he's afforded a weekend away to a big city nearby, walks in with bags after shopping in town (smell my new aftershave, look at my new top...) and I'm really starting to think he's taking the utter piss. I'm not being UR am I?

MumOnTheRunCatchingUp Fri 10-Jun-16 12:49:46

So where's his housing benefit going?

Olddear Fri 10-Jun-16 12:51:42


rockchick78 Fri 10-Jun-16 12:52:05

That's my point, when I ask it's always "oh it's not processed" or "oh they've fucked it up" but he got a tax rebate of £700 a few weeks back... It seems he's spent the lot, but why not sort his rent first?

CrazyDuchess Fri 10-Jun-16 12:55:35

YANBU - prepare to give him notice - clearly he doesn't view his rent as a priority expenditure.

Definitely not friend of yours

WreckingBallsInsideMyHead Fri 10-Jun-16 12:55:39

He's taking the piss, get rid! I've had debt and made bad financial choices but it never even crossed my mind not to pay my rent! Unless he literally hasn't got money and is living on value pasta and walking everywhere, he has no excuse

JayDot500 Fri 10-Jun-16 12:57:07

I think you can explain the situation to him as you have here and rest assured you've tried to be fair.

Give him time to pay if you want, because he's your friend, but kick him out if you can't afford it. You've tried.

Lazyafternoon Fri 10-Jun-16 12:59:27

You have to have words. Nip it in the bud ASAP. If you don't say something now it'll only get worse.

Perhaps have a informal 'Can I have a word Dave?' type chat and sit at the kitchen table and seriously remind him that he still is £70 short from last month and that next months rent is due next week. You understand that things can be tricky with housing benefit but his rent has to take priority over weekends away and shopping. He needs to be open and honest with you. If he can't pay unfortunately you're unfortunately going to have to give him notice as it's putting you in a difficult position financially and you just can't afford to sub him as need someone who will pay on time so you can afford your own bills.

Yes will be a difficult conversation, but if he carries on the way he is then you're going to loose him as a friend anyway and cause more problems in the long term.

Arfarfanarf Fri 10-Jun-16 13:11:51

give him notice.

he's taking advantage of the fact that he is a friend

except no friend would dump you in the shit financially so they could have more money.

he's taking the piss and you owe a pisstaker nothing.

RaeSkywalker Fri 10-Jun-16 13:16:25

YANBU. I agree with Lazy- nip it in the bud now. He needs to know hat your friendship does not give him a free pass to miss payments.

RaeSkywalker Fri 10-Jun-16 13:16:41

^ "that"

whois Fri 10-Jun-16 13:20:13

Agree with all the PP.

Sit him down and say this is a business arrangment and he shoiud treat it as such. Ifthe rent payment isn't on time nad in full, you'l be giving hom notice to move out.

BeYourselfUnlessUCanBeAUnicorn Fri 10-Jun-16 13:20:33

Bye bye Dave.

Give him notice now and get rid. He's only doing it because you are a friend. Don't be a mug and let him drag this on. End it now before it irreparably wrecks your friendship.

Baconyum Fri 10-Jun-16 13:21:11

Taking the piss!

Any reasonable adult knows that rent/mortgage comes before frivolous spending (and most other bills frankly!)

ZippyNeedsFeeding Fri 10-Jun-16 13:25:56

I'm a terrible softie and have form for letting people walk all over me, but even I wouldn't stand for this! He clearly thinks it's fine to not pay you and then flash the new stuff he has bought because it's so clearly your responsibility to house him.

To be honest I'd think this was taking the piss even if you had just offered your spare room to a friend in need. You know it's only going to get worse don't you? Get rid.

Bananalanacake Fri 10-Jun-16 13:26:26

Is he looking for a job? presumably he needs one to pay his rent and for his baby.

blindsider Fri 10-Jun-16 13:30:26


Is he looking for a job? presumably he needs one to pay his rent and for his baby

You might want to read the OP again...

rockchick78 Fri 10-Jun-16 13:32:20

Thanks for the replies, just needed to know I wasn't being unreasonable, I'll wait until the due date next week and if nothing is forthcoming he's gonna have to go!

BarbaraofSeville Fri 10-Jun-16 13:34:24

Some people aren't very good at prioritsing spending and will almost always spend their money on fun stuff instead of boring things like rent and bills whenever they can get away with it, even if it means stiffing their friends. It sounds like he's had the money, but just spent it on other things.

Agree with those who say sit him down and explain the impact on you and if he doesn't pay on time, you will have to find a lodger that will.

HopefulHamster Fri 10-Jun-16 13:35:55

Lodgers have few rights so I'd get rid of him quickly, hard if he was a friend but he's not respecting you at all.

cozietoesie Fri 10-Jun-16 13:38:11

Give him notice. Don't fall into the trap of becoming a parent substitute with regard to money and practicalities.

SpiceLinerandHoneyLove Fri 10-Jun-16 13:38:34

Rent/mortgage and council tax are the first things any responsible adult pays each month. He's taking huge advantage of you. His housing benefit is his problem; he's trying to make it yours.
Have the serious chat and, if nothing changes, serve notice.

littlethingsthatbug Fri 10-Jun-16 13:39:36

I thought housing benefit got paid directly to the landlord?
I know there was talk of the government piloting a scheme where they had the option to pay it directly themselves and then they pass it to the landlord something to do with understanding their own finances? What he's doing proves why in some cases that it isn't a good idea and unfair as it puts the landlord at risk of not being able to pay their mortgage. If he's a good friend and you think he deserves the chance call the housing benefits or email (if an option) and report he's not giving it to you perhaps they will pay you direct I know if he is 8 weeks in arrears they will pay it to you direct.

It is paid every 2 weeks or 4 weeks and it is always paid in arrears after the rent is due, but if his dad paid him a month upfront then that will have covered the arrears I bet he hasn't realised this and spent the money thats how he's short!

Hes got some front going out for the weekend and showing you what he's bought when he owes you £70 and rent in a week! If your friend was giving you a chance like this why would you do this to them?

I dont think he needs anymore chances if he doesn't pay this time + £70 what he owes since he thinks the above is fine to do!

ElspethFlashman Fri 10-Jun-16 13:45:38

Friend of mine had this with a friend who had split up with her boyfriend and had nowhere to go. He earns a decent wage and didn't need a lodger but was a softie and felt sorry for her.

She didn't pay rent for 8 MONTHS. He was too embarrassed to press the point as he was earning and could cover the mortgage and she was constantly moaning about how poor she was. He felt it was less than gallant. Except it was a tiny flat and she took it over!

It got so bad other friends had to have an intervention with her to stop pulling the piss and she huffily moved out voluntarily. To a house share she clearly could afford.

Don't be my friend. He was too nice.

amidawish Fri 10-Jun-16 13:55:39

he's not a responsible adult
he thinks his money is just spending money
his dad paid the deposit cheque
housing benefit helps him out

get rid. he's a piss taker. he might be a friend, or funny, or whatever but he's a man-child who doesn't take responsibility for himself. he probably thinks his rent is semi-optional to you as if he was living with mummy & daddy. clearly he DOES have money. just not rent money.

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