Wwyd, pooing in knickers, long sorry!!

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Soooo we are having a problem with DD3, she has been potty trained with wees for about 16months when she turned 2, was really quick, dry in a week. For some reason that we have no clue about she had never fully grasped pooing in the potty/toilet, she's says she's scared, it'll hurt etc. We have tried EVERYTHING!! She will very occasionally do it, see that it's fine, tell me in future she's going to do it on the toilet/potty but never does. Unfortunately when we tried keeping with the pull-ups aswell to avoid nasty poo accidents she regressed with the wees so we wear knickers full time and when she needs to poo she'll go into a quiet corner, DTD in her knickers, come tell me, I'll clean her, we'll have a chat about it and the next day the same thing will happen. I've been to the doctors, I've seen a toilet training specialist and they've all told me there is NO medical issue and that she will just eventually be comfortable and do it and that they wouldn't worry about it as an issue until she's atleast 4.
So far it has been manageable because me or DH are never away from her longer than about 4 hours while shes awake so she's just waited till we are there if she needed to BUT I have been offered a job that I really want to take, it's only one day a week and I'm desperate to do it (and for the money). The problem is that it means she will be at nursery in the morning for 3 hours and then with my DB and DSISinlaw for a further 5hours.
Hears my wwyd, would you do the job and leave her with people that long knowing she may do it in her knickers and give them the task of clearing it up ??? They have 2 DDs and we're all very close with each other and provide regular childcare for each other but just not for this long with DD normally. My DH thinks it may be a good thing because it may gently push her into doing it on the toilet as she would probably be embarrassed to do it in her knickers.

Also does anyone have any tips that have maybe been through this with their children?? I'm at a loss and literally don't know what to do anymore

[LegoLady95]

Take the job. Im sure she will grasp it soon. I know my siblings wouldn't bat an eyelid at cleaning up after my kids, and it's only one day per week.
Have you tried rewards for poos on the potty? Stickers, chocolate buttons etc. Totally different situation but my eldest has autism and was dry but still not clean at age 8. I honestly thought he would never get it as he is non-verbal and has very limiyed understanding. In the end the reward of a balloon did the trick.

[SemiNormal]

Take the job. My son was 4yrs and HAD to be out of nappies by then for part-time school. He knew how to go to the toilet (had done it previously) but was simply refusing. I tried EVERYTHING, sitting with him, offered rewards (I even offered to buy him a cat FFS - I was desperate). In the end I got so pissed off with it, the washing machine full of stinky pants all the time, that I told him if he did it again he would be washing them in the sink. He pooped in his pants, I made him hand wash them and amazingly he could now manage the toilet!

[Ledkr]

Dd did this. It's so weird.
In the end we realised how much she liked to blow out birthday candles after a round of happy birthday that we rewarded poo with that.
It worked perfectly even tho we must have appeared mad .
We bought really heap nappies and she'd ask for one on for a poo which made it easier.

[puglife15]

Jeez don't make your child hand wash their pants in the sink, that's shameful.

My DS is the same OP, we have used liners in his pants to make the clean up easier.

If the poos are fairly solid then I think it's just about ok to ask someone to clean them up especially if you use a liner. If not (my son's are runny which we think contributes to the issues) I'd put her in a pull up which she is away from you without making a big deal. Kids are v adaptable and should understand they do one thing at home and another at Auntie's house.

You may find she withholds until you are there anyway.

[AddictedtoGreys]

I have the same issue with my 3 year old DS. He took a little while to get having a wee in the potty but he is absolutely fine with that now, will tell me he needs a wee when we are out, etc. But he will not have a poo on the potty or toilet! Every day he does it in his pants, every day I say to him why didn't he do it in the potty? It's so frustrating!

[puglife15]

Oh and we too have tried everything, I know how frustrating it can be cleaning poo out of pants for months on end so you have my sympathy... we have reverted to pull ups as my son regressed with wees when ds2 arrived. Waiting for the summer to try pants again - by which time we may have got to the bottom (haha) of his loose poo problem - but I'm hoping it will be led by him.

[SouperSal]

Lots and lots of reasons why this happens. Toddlers often don't understand that poo is waste and not a part of them. They often don't like the plop/splash associated with doing it in the toilet.

Try explaining to her what poo is and why it's important it comes out, use a potty for them to avoid the splash (if necessary lay a nappy in it if she's more comfortable going in something). Reduce pressure on her and increase praise when she does it. Don't punish/make her clean up. No Cry potty training book is good.

Good luck.

[Helloooomeee]

Take the job, she's only little, it's no different to her being in nappies really and most people can cope with those.

My ds1 was dry for many months before he was clean. What eventually worked for him was a combination of a book called peter the poo (it's unusual, I felt like a loon reading it but ds related to it!) and rewards for using the toilet like a big boy.

[Squiffy01]

I personally wouldn't confuse the situation with pull ups. Just go on as normal and she will pick it up eventually.
She will probably learn to hold it on that one day or it may even help to be somewhere else she may want to use the loo.
I wouldn't worry about them having to change her I wouldn't mind having to change my DM and DN in the slightest.

[puglife15]

Squiffy you haven't seen my DS' poo... wouldn't want to inflict it on my worst enemy! Feel so sorry for nursery staff having to change him.

[Topseyt]

Take the job. You might regret it if you don't.

Personally, I think SemiNormal has it.

My DD2 was exactly like that, and she never changed anything until forced to. She potty trained easily for both wee and poo, and then months later simply decided she didn't like it (wasn't far short of starting school by then).

I didn't actually end up making her help wash pants, but the threat of that sort of thing was enough and she magically started using the toilet again. She knew she was able and she knew I wouldn't put up with it.

[Pseudo341]

Take the job. Had similar problems with my DD. She will get there in the end. We did a reward chart where she collected stickers and saved up for a prize after every 6 or so. She collected weebles.

In the meantime, get some "dry like me" liners to minimise washing.

Fear of pooing is a pretty common problem according to our paediatrician. Frankly I think it's disgusting and cruel to make a young child wash pooey pants. This is a psychological problem that needs sympathy and understanding not bullying.

[RickJames]

We had this issue. We used a combo of stickers and watching Poo goes to Pooland a lot. We also didn't use a potty as that seemed to make things worse. Good luck! You could always just stick her in a nappy for childcare time. I remember at the time it seemed to completely take over our lives

[randomer]

impasse? power struggle?

[sunnyshowers]

I had the same issue with one of my twins. I fave up and relaxed, it took 2 months but he gor it.
Have a look on you tube for poo goes to poo land. .

[mummyto2monkeys]

My son had this problem, the key issue that I hear from your dd in your post I that she is scared that it will hurt. I contacted //www.eric.org.uk the childrens continence charity. I spoke to a lovely continence nurse, together we realised that my son was anxious about pooing because he had suffered constipation, the nurse had me go to the g.p and inform him that after consulting a continence nurse, she had advised that he be given a course of movicol to soften his poo. She also worked out that my son was anxious about falling down the toilet (my son has since been diagnosed as autistic and he was very overwhelmed by the noise of the toilet flushing).The nurse recommended some age appropriate books, as well as introducing a star chart with the promise of a toy that he had desired as the prize if he managed to start pooing on the toilet. The nurse also advised that we involve our son, in picking a trainer seat for our toilet to stop his fear of falling in. He also got to pick new underwear with his favourite character on. At the time my son was toy story obsessed, so he chose a toy story trainer seat and toy story underwear.

When we had everything organised, we started the chart on Monday morning and by the Friday he was doing all of his poos in the toilet. The biggest help I would say was the movicol, once he realised that it didn't hurt everything fell into place. I would definitely recommend calling the eric hotline.

[crayfish]

Take the job. I would do this for my niece/nephew and not bat an eyelid. She will get there soon and you will regret turning down the opportunity.

[mummyto2monkeys]

www.amazon.co.uk/Everybody-Poos-Mini-Taro-Gomi/dp/1847803334/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1464076736&sr=1-2&keywords=everybody%20poos&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Hurts-When-Poop-Children-Scared/dp/1433801310/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=A8HAH73AHFZAJT885CWE&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Hurts-When-Poop-Children-Scared/dp/1433801310/ref=pd_bxgy_14_img_3?ie=UTF8&refRID=A8HAH73AHFZAJT885CWE&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

www.amazon.co.uk/Meet-Poos-Rob-Renee/dp/1300890894/ref=pd_sim_14_81?ie=UTF8&dpID=51v1a4%2BEUuL&dpSrc=sims&preST=AC_UL160_SR160%2C160&refRID=H30KSHX21B0FAV5HH92D&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21


Here are some children's books that might help.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

Had this with both of my DD's. It seems to be a phase, an infuriating one granted but it will go.

We did two things this time around that made it [the phase] faster:
Demonstrated pooing in the loo
Bought fancy knickers [Frozen themed] which then had to go in the bin when she pooed in them. When 8 knickers got down to 3 it seemed to click . You do need to watch them like a hawk though as they will always go away and hide to DTD given the chance.

That said, she was much older than her big sister when we started to train her. 18-2 yrs is still v v young though you don't say how old your DC is now?

[spiderlight]

www.ntw.nhs.uk/pic/leaflets/Poo%20Goes%20To%20Pooland.pdf

Read this with her. It worked an absolute miracle with my son overnight - literally resolved a longstanding issue within 24 hours after someone on MN had recommended it to me - and I know it's worked for a lot of other people as well. It's free to print out and you can get it as an app as well. Google 'Poo goes home to Pooland' to download it.

[Peasandsweetcorn]

I was also going to suggest the fancy knickers trick. DD started each day in Hello Kitty pants. If she did a poo in them, they were put in a nappy sack & straight in the bin with the only comment being along the lines of "Hello Kitty does get sad when you poo on her. Oh dear. Let's find you some boring pants now" and went and got her some white pants which didn't have any decoration on them. We also spoke a lot about what it might feel like just before you needed a poo. This involved me having to pay a lot of attention to & really think about how I knew I needed to do a poo! She stopped pooing her pants within a few days.

[Lilliana]

I would take the job

We have had exactly the same with DD. she is in nursery for a day a week and has pooed her pants most days (one memorable day she did it 3 times!) They are used to it and didn't make any issues. Only you know your DB and DSIL but I've looked after friends kids who have accidents and it's not the biggest issue in the world - just send spares, nappy sacks to put soiled clothes in and wipes.

We did the same as you - she would do it once, say it didn't hurt and she would do it in the potty now and then back to poo in pants. It was so frustrating.when she went to hide in the corner we would take her to the toilet but essentially she did it when she was ready. About 2 months ago she just started taking herself to the loo and has only had one accident since. No idea what changed - she was just ready I guess

[WhatWouldFlopDo]

I'd take the job, she'll get there in the end, you'll probably find she holds it in til she gets hone.

I phoned the HV for advice when DD was toilet refusing. The advice went like this:-

All poos must be done in the bathroom, whether it's in knickers, a pull up or the potty.

Check out mentally, don't let it wind you up.

After a few days when shes comfortable poos must be done sitting on the potty or toilet in the bathroom wearing knickers or pull ups if necessary.

I bought a squashy toilet seat, it's fab.

Pull up got opened up and put under the squashy seat and that got pooed into after a few days, then I gradually moved it back until one time it missed the pull up and fell into the toilet. Job done!

I thought it would never work, DD is strong willed, but checking out and almost not caring took the heat out of it and there was no argument from her.

I asked DD the other day why she used to not poo on the toilet, she was frightened that it would fall out onto the floor apparently.

[Tryingtostayyoung]

Wow thank you all so much, some great advice here!! Sometimes I feel so alone with it because of all our nieces, nephews and friends kids she is the only child I have known to have this problem for so long. I do feel like it rules my life, I'm scared to leave her for to long for fear that she won't be able to hold it and it's not so much that I think people would mind, but I know how embarrassed she gets.

I feel more confident now to take the job and tbh she probably will just learn to hold it till I get back because she won't feel comfortable, or alternatively she may end up doing it in the toilet, I wouldn't be able to try the pull ups because last time she regressed massively and the docs advises me not to do it again... Whoever suggested the Eric place I'm going to give them a try aswell, thank you!!

[SemiNormal]

Don't worry my son has no psychological issues from being made to wash his own pants! My brother however DOES have severe psychological issues at the age of 34 due to bullying he suffered due to an accident that left him unable to control his bowels until the age of 6yrs, the bullying he followed him all through primary AND secondary school. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.