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to think my friend should pay his mother back before booking holidays?

(32 Posts)
00100001 Thu 19-May-16 11:58:37

My friend recently borrowed £1200 off his mother because he swapped jobs, and didn't save up any money, and didn't relaise he wouldn't get paid for 6 weeks. He borrowed the money to pay his rent, bills, transport etc.

Now he has been paid. He now wants to book an expensive holiday for himself. He wants to go to the USA for two weeks.

He sees no issue with booking this holiday,a nd sees no need to pay his mother back. He says he needs this holiday, and he has to book it now to save money on the flights. So, he shouldn't have to pay his mum back yet. hmm and he will look to pay his mum back, once he's paid for his holiday and saved up spending money. (this will take a few months)

I said to him, the decent thing to do would be, pay back mum first and then book a holiday he can actually afford.

He thinks I'm insane for saying that. TBH if you pushed him, he would go on to say that he shouldn't even have to pay his mum back.

This has nothing to do with me I know, I know.

But...AIBU for thinking he should pay his mother back first?? confused

DoinItFine Thu 19-May-16 12:00:31


At least you're not married to him.

IceMaiden73 Thu 19-May-16 12:03:28

I agree with you, but you need to stay out of it and let him sort it out with him Mum

TheNaze73 Thu 19-May-16 12:04:50

YABU, what has an agreement between a "friend" & his mum guy to do with you anyway? Morally, I would, I get your point but, don't see why you're bothered by this

HackerFucker22 Thu 19-May-16 12:04:51

Are you his Mum? shock

Pinkheart5915 Thu 19-May-16 12:05:25

Yanbu but it's not really any of your business if he pays his mum back or not, you know that any way.

TendonQueen Thu 19-May-16 12:17:46

Everything on here is 'none of your business'. It's a website for discussing other people's business. Pointless remark.

You can't make him do anything OP but it would make me think less of him as a person. And you know now never to lend him money!

00100001 Thu 19-May-16 12:18:04

no, I'm not his mum.

I hod my hands up, this is nothing to do with me and shouldn't bother me ... but it does!


LunaLoveg00d Thu 19-May-16 12:27:53

No I'm with you OP, my priorities would be paying back debts before booking holidays.

Is this typical behaviour by the friend?

eightoutoften Thu 19-May-16 12:40:51

I was raised with the "never a borrower or lender be" mentality or at least if you lend money only do so knowing that you can afford to lose it.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but I would always put paying someone back before anything else.

Goingthedistance Thu 19-May-16 12:46:56

What is it that bothers you so much about this OP? Different families have different ways. Is it possible that your friend's mother has a bit of extra cash that she doesn't mind lending or even giving her son. Is she struggling to make ends meet? If so then of course it's wrong of him to swan off on a holiday under this circumstances.
It really depends on the context.

Goingthedistance Thu 19-May-16 12:47:52

*typos, auto correct!

gamerchick Thu 19-May-16 13:00:29

It is a bit off and yes it's nothing to do with you however, if he ever asks to borrow money you can bring it back up with a not a chance in hell wink

halighhalighaliehaligh Thu 19-May-16 13:05:37

If the agreement was to pay it back straight away then YANBU but maybe his mum lent him the money on a pay it back at some point in the future basis?

VioletSunshine Thu 19-May-16 13:08:51

YANBU. He may already have an agreement with his DM that she doesn't expect the money back in full asap, but it doesn't sound like it from what you've said. Who borrows from their parents and then doesn't pay them back as soon as they comfortably can??

BuggersMuddle Thu 19-May-16 13:26:29

It has precisely nothing to do with you.

If his mum gave him the loan on the basis that he would pay back immediately, then yes, he really ought to do that and YANBU.

You don't know that's the case though. For all you know his DM may have said not to hurry, to pay back over a period of time or even encouraged him to go on holiday.

Having said that, in his shoes I'd be more concerned about the fact he couldn't cover 6 weeks between jobs. I know not everyone can, but I would expect that anyone contemplating 2 weeks long haul would be able to find £1200 for an emergency, or would be reigning in their travel plans until such time as they'd built up a buffer.

Friolero Thu 19-May-16 13:29:33

I agree with you OP, he should pay his mum back first. I'd leave them to sort it out though - as you've ackowledged and others have said, it's not really nothing to do with you.

Friolero Thu 19-May-16 13:30:14

Not really anything I meant! Don't want a double negative!

00100001 Thu 19-May-16 13:34:19

I'm aware the it is SFA to do with me. Doesn't stop me having an opinion wink

I really don't know why it bothers me so much. I know it shouldn't, because I know it's nothing to do with me.

Maybe I just find it incomprehensible that an adult thinks this behaviour is OK?

Maybe jsut because I wouldn't so it, doesn't mean he's 'wrong'?


HerRoyalNotness Thu 19-May-16 15:23:28

BIL is like this. Constantly borrowed off his parents and didn't stop going on nights out, holidays etc... Sometimes he paid back sometimes he didn't. And of course not my business until....

We sold him out car and he was paying if off, then got the shits as he missed some payments and we asked him about it. He stopped paying. We didn't begrudge nights out and holidays, as we had a payment agreement. But i did begrudge the vow renewal they booked, with the whole works, oh yes indeed. Still owes us 5k, 5years later and we could really, really do with that money just about now.

nobilityobliges Thu 19-May-16 15:27:31

It's not wrong if the mum is ok with it and she's not in need of the money. If she wants to give him an extended loan that's fine, why would he be wrong to accept?

Out2pasture Thu 19-May-16 15:33:09

Drop him as a friend he has different morals than you.

00100001 Thu 19-May-16 15:38:57

it'snot accepting the loan that's the problem (imo) Nobility it's the spending of money on luxuries before paying back a debt smile

Goingthedistance Thu 19-May-16 15:57:30

her that's really shitty of your BIL. angry on your behalf

HerRoyalNotness Sun 22-May-16 22:32:56

It really is. Funnily enought, the car was 'stolen' and burnt out. You'd think he'd pay us back with the insurance he got, but oh no, that went into the wedding fund.

and it wasn't the first time he'd had a car burnt out either. Just saying

We will never, ever help him again

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