female cliques

(35 Posts)
TerrifiedMothertobe Wed 11-May-16 22:02:21

There are some lovely women where I live. Really lovely. But then there are some really catty and unwelcoming women. I don't want to get in the clique, and am clearly not welcome into a well established friendship group. But some of them I really would like to socialise with but not the others where there is not mutual interest.

Our children are similar ages but paths rarely cross due to childcare arrangements. I am no shrinking violet but don't want conflict, but feel totally unsure how to make inroads.

Why are some women so mean?!

WellErrr Wed 11-May-16 22:05:31

Erm, it's not a 'women' problem.

It's a fact of life. Some people are nice, some aren't. Make an effort to be friends with the nice ones, and avoid the ones you don't like.

Simple. No need to do the whole 'oh women are awful' thing hmm

MissPunnyMany Wed 11-May-16 22:18:06

Have coffee / playdates with the ones you like. One of my very close friends is friends with a woman I strongly dislike (for genuine reasons, I knew her before my close friend did) but it doesn't stop us being very close.

You're never going to be great friends with all your friends' friends, it doesn't work like that. But nor should it stop you trying. Don't get involved in any bitching or gossip and you'll be fine, and always be pleasant to those who aren't very nice, it throws them and gives them nothing to attack you for ....if they do it just makes them look bitchy.

Ketchuponpizza Wed 11-May-16 22:21:00

Don't worry.

Be happy.

MadamDeathstare Wed 11-May-16 22:23:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

witsender Wed 11-May-16 22:24:32

People are people. We can't all get on, and don't have to. Women aren't a different species.

TerrifiedMothertobe Wed 11-May-16 22:36:27

Thanks. I know women aren't a different species, but sometimes I wonder! Whispering behind hands at dinner parties, being nasty about people who aren't there and then nice as pie in front of them... Mainly female behaviours. And behaviours I don't like.

Madamdeathstare, great idea. I don't want to alienate anyone, we all have to live In Harmony!

I am planning a party and it will be obvious that I am only inviting a token few. And I know I will get slated. Do I care? No. But then the ones I get on with I would like to come along without being slated.

Sorry. Blokes are so much more straight forward!

LilacSpunkMonkey Wed 11-May-16 22:39:31

The biggest gossips and stirrers I know are men.

As already said, men and women are not different species so men are not more straight forward. Some women are nasty, some men are nasty.

Stop generalising.

Baconyum Wed 11-May-16 22:41:32

I have worked in very male dominated environments (military, factories) and they can be just as nasty and underhand.

But yea focus on the ones you get along with.

WellErrr Wed 11-May-16 22:45:38

You're sounding pretty misogynistic now.

I'm not being nasty, but it's usually pretty obvious when a woman just doesn't like women. These are usually the ones who then complain they have no female friends and only get on with men because women are 'difficult.'

Women are amazing. If you want female friends, then try to curb the casual misogyny, as it really is blindingly obvious to others.

HamaTime Wed 11-May-16 22:47:00

Misogynous stereotyping probably won't help. If i hear a woman say that she doesn't like the company of women and thinks men are more straightforward then I would assume that she wasn't my kind of woman and not go too far out of my way to change our relationship from colleagues to friends.

HamaTime Wed 11-May-16 22:47:28

x-posts

RufusTheReindeer Wed 11-May-16 22:50:37

Never really found it a problem making friends

But then i am really pretty straight forward...like a man

Just be yourself and just make friends with people you think you will get on with

MaidOfStars Wed 11-May-16 23:16:22

As above, no potential friendship-ruining red flag bigger than 'Oh, I'm a

MaidOfStars Wed 11-May-16 23:16:41

'Oh, I'm a boy's girl'.

A11TheSmallTh1ngs Wed 11-May-16 23:57:23

Have you ever worked in a large office? I've never been a "man's woman" but, my god, after watching male CEOs sulk and tantrum like 5 year olds and grown men gossip worse than the worst mean girl stereotype, I can't even pretend to agree that men are more straightforward.

They are just as passive aggressive, sulky and rude as any women could ever be.

But I don't make friends with women who don't like other women, so we would never get on. Let's hope these women aren't like me.

MargaretCavendish Thu 12-May-16 00:13:01

Leaving aside the casual internalised misogyny...

Aren't you the one picking and choosing people knowing that it'll be obvious to some that they've been 'excluded'? I've not necessarily got a problem with that - we can't all be friends with everyone, and nor can we have everyone to our parties! - but why is your clique fine but theirs isn't?

AlysaEdwards Thu 12-May-16 07:44:26

Just be nice to people, don't talk about people when they aren't there and don't be two faced. It might take time but genuinely decent people will stick around and others will fall away.

BeStrongAndCourageous Thu 12-May-16 08:00:29

Funny how a group of male friends never gets accused of being a clique eh? They're just mates.

OP, no one has to like you or owes you friendship.

RufusTheReindeer Thu 12-May-16 14:17:47

Just read this in a another thread

It’s rare to see women publicly portrayed as working together for the common good. Despite obvious everyday acts of female cooperation and friendship, the bulk of our cultural production continues to render us invisible and inaccessible to one another. One of the only times we are portrayed together with relish is as witches—which groups women in covens and categorizes us, when powerful, as frightening, ugly, otherworldly, unnatural, and dangerous. But how many band of brothers, father-son movies can we make? Apparently an infinite number. From ensemble casts in films, gaming, and animated movies to television talk shows and sports, our brains are bombarded by tens of thousands of images and stories of male fraternity and solidarity, including a vast number of which the lone woman is the source of all evil, competition among men, and societal chaos. This is as true of children’s media as it is of adult entertainment.

I thought it was interesting , groups of women are cliques but its a brotherhood of men

cleaty Thu 12-May-16 14:32:09

I avoid women who say misogynistic things about other women. Life is too short.

MummyBex1985 Thu 12-May-16 15:04:52

Nearly all of my close friends are male and the few female friends I have wouldn't dream of being cliquey or bitchy.

Can't be doing with that guff. Life's too short!

FamousSeamus Thu 12-May-16 15:33:28

What Rufus quoted is entirely accurate. Women need to work on overturning those kinds of divide-and-rule stereotypes, and stop internalising them.

There are some lovely women where I live. Really lovely. But then there are some really catty and unwelcoming women.

So basically, there are some people you like where you live, and some people you don't like. Make friends with the ones you like and stop with the self-dramatising internalised misogyny. .

nobilityobliges Thu 12-May-16 15:56:58

Haha I work in an extremely male dominated workplace and it is a hotbed of gossip. Lots of being awful behind people's backs then nice to their faces, lots of weird social politics. I have no idea how women got the reputation of being specially good at this. It definitely occurs in both genders.

RufusTheReindeer Thu 12-May-16 16:44:47

When my husband left work part of his leaving present was a wooden spoon with a picture of him on it and the words

"Worlds greatest shit stirrer"

Written down the handle

He is such a gossip grin

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