Can't cope in mornings

[Maisy313]

I hate losing my temper with the kids but almost find it impossible not to. I live in London and have to do a 20 min walk with 2 year old and 5 year old to breakfast club at school, then try and get on a bus with pram (often too full so have to let three go by) to nursery, then another bus and a tube to work. We leave the house at 7.30am and my dh is gone at 6.30am so am I on my own for morning routine, both of them scream about getting dressed, leaving the house, not wanting to go in rain. I feel so stressed about getting to work on time. I honestly just feel like screaming at them both to shut up and leave me alone. I don't. But I do raise my voice when five year old has meltdown about brushing teeth etc. Feel like we are constantly forgetting school bags, water bottles etc etc and just feel like such a shit mum. My dh does pick ups but it is a stressful rush to get them in time and then it is really dinner, bath, story, bed, my five year old gets upset if you try and do reading books with him as he is so tired so we just read to him. The truth is they are both normally sweet, easy going kids but they are tired out. We need to work, just hate this cycle of constant rush and stress and feel like I'm failing both of them and just turning into a horrible shouty mum when I want to have time to play with them and listen to them properly.

[Netflixandchill]

I know how you feel, can't offer any advice sorry x

[ssd]

sounds awful maisy and a crap way to live.

[beesarethebest]

It's not great but could you guys leave earlier or can dh take one of them to school/nursery? What time does nursery open? Could your younger one have breakfast in nursery? Do you need the pram (my kids never liked the pram so we were walking around at 2 and when I had the younger one, she was in a sling and the older one walked). Alternatively if there's breakfast club at school, can dh take the older one and let your older one have breakfast there?

[QuiteLikely5]

Could you afford a nanny? Change jobs? Use a CM or ask at the nursery school if anyone travels from your direction so you could share the burden?

I would hate this too!

[Maisy313]

They can't seem to cope without eating breakfast first but maybe I can change this to a banana on the way as they both have a second breakfast at breakfast club / nursery. Dh starts work at 7.30 and has a bit of a journey so can't help with drop offs, but his early start does mean he can pick up. Second son is 20mo and sooo slow at walking, loves going in wrong direction and I have laptop etc to carry, but I wonder if I could fold pram up and leave with scooters at school so could get on bus. Maybe I will ask to change my hours at work... Just wish I could stay relaxed and deal with them properly rather than trying to shout them into behaving. Just feel so panicked when I can't get them out.

[Maisy313]

Once ds officially turns two our nursery fees go down by £250 pm so could look at paying someone to look after / drop off older ds. Thanks all for making me feel less pathetic about it all anyway.

[Just5minswithDacre]

They're picking up on your tension. I've never had a child scream in the morning as a matter of routine. It sounds so stressful for you.

How many work hours would you have to cut to ease the whole thing?

[NapQueen]

Could you find a CM local to dc1s school? Drop them both there and cm do the school run and keep dc2 for the day?

[FattyNinjaOwl]

I don't have work to think about and I still find mornings stressful sometimes. I have a 7 year old, a 2 year old and a 9 month old. You're not a shit mum. Just human.

[MrsJayy]

It all sounds so stressful I was going to suggest a nanny too they can come to you and you only have yourself to get out the door

[puglife15]

This sounds exhausting op. For all of you. No wonder the kids are resisting. They can probably sense your own unhappiness at the situation and are testing you as a result.

Is there any way you can go in a bit later at least a few times a week? Or reduce to 4 days? Find a nursery nearer the school?

In the meantime...

Get all your shit together the night before and put it by the front door so you can't forget it.

Get the kids up 15 mins earlier to avoid such a rush.

Could you leave buggy at school and use a sling to nursery so you're at least able to get on the bus? Would the 5 year old use a scooter or buggy board if they're dawdling?

I take it your dh picks up from after school club? Do they not get tea there/at nursery? Then once home you can have a bit more downtime.

You don't need to bath every night. We do 3 times a week.

Find a way to prioritise your 5 year olds reading. Maybe do it first thing when your dh gets home?

You are not a shit mum, you are doing your best in a shit situation.

[shamelessmailhack]

I know the feeling. Morning with kids can be horrible!

Could DH go in later a couple of mornings a week? It'd give you a bit of a break. Would your employer let you work from home a couple of days a week so there's less of a mad dash to work?

Does the two year old need to be in a pram? You could switch to something smaller and foldable that would make getting the bus easier.

[Maisy313]

It's just the expense of a nanny / cm as they would need to cover quite a few hours but it would bloody well change my life. It would make stuff so much easier on my dh too. Thanks for listening everyone. I'm going to properly investigate my options. I guess ideally I could find a local mum who's child goes to the same school and would drop Ted off to. He does enjoy nursery so would like to keep him there if possible but not imperative.

[puglife15]

X post with OP - you probably feel too knackered to introduce change but it's worth doing.

[londonmummy1966]

It's horrid with them at this age but I promise its only a temporary thing and another year or two and it will be easier. Not that that helps now though. Have you thought about using a reward chart specifically for the morning for the older two - sticker for cleaning teeth, getting dressed etc? Then having a reward at the end of the week? Also can you get the breakfast club onside? A friend of mine had a reluctant dresser and the very wise TA at school told her that if her dd threw a tantrum she should bring her to school in her PJs - only had to do it the once and her dd got dressed for school with no trouble after that - ha!

You probably need to look at the evening routine as well - get everything like book bags and waterbottles organized the night before - might it be something that the 5 yo could help with - perhaps as part of some one on one time with DH whilst you are putting 3yo to bed? Also can you treat the reading as something special that the 5yo does because he is a big boy? If nothing else it will get the 3yo wanting a reading book like crazy........... and if he is simply too tired one night let it go and do double at the weekend. If it happens too often ask if there is an older child at the breakfast club who might listen to him - both my dds loved listening to the tinies read at school so there might be a friendly Yr6 who would be happy to help out?

Hope some of this helps - I remember the nightmares of little ones and school and I can promise you that 99% of the mums in the class probably have the same problems.

[Owllady]

Can you not fold the buggy up? I'd get a really basic, lightweight one which you can fold at the bus stop and put the 2 yo on reins whilst waiting
I remember the stress of public transport with little ones well though :(

[Maisy313]

Thanks for all the advice. Got so stuck in a rut it's hard to see a way out of it, especially when so tired. I actually struggle to sleep at night as am so worried about the mornings. Will think over all the suggestions and look at finances to see if we could make a cm or nanny work.

[Maisy313]

Also good advice on lightweight foldable pram can't believe I didn't actually think of that!

[shamelessmailhack]

Do you have a spare room for an au pair? They'd be great in this situation. They could do a couple of hours in the morning to do the school run, plus a couple of hours at night.

[Owllady]

Maisy :o I'd just buy a really, really basic umbrella fold that is light and easy to fold

[namechangedtoday15]

I so feel for you.

We started to use an after school nanny a couple of years ago (instead of after school club). Can you look to see if you can find something like this?

At the time, I was doing a 60 mile commute home (where I was always worried I'd be caught in traffic and be late), collected children from after school, got home about 6.15, cooked dinner in my coat, had a rushed dinner, rushed bathtime, rushed reading or no reading at all, it was just horrible.

The first day the after school nanny came, I got home at about 6 and all 3 children were sitting on the sofa reading in their pyjamas. They'd had dinner, she'd bathed them and everyone was smiling (I burst into tears!). It made such a difference to our lives, I can't tell you.

Have you asked at your nursery? I know the nursery staff at our nursery "worked" for one or two parents after their shift at nursery - so at the end of the nursery day, they'd take the child home for the parents (maybe one would collect your 5 year old en route)? Even if its one day a week, it would make a difference?

[PigWhisperer]

Can your budget stretch to a regular taxi for the school run? Fold up buggy/laptop in boot?

[OptimisticSix]

Try lowering your standards, I have and it works much better seriously, if they forget bookbags its not the end of the world, if they don't brush their teeth they can do it when they get home... Any of the little things that are stressing may be ignorable. The most important thing is to get them to school with some clothes on and then get on the bus with the baby. And thing else is extra... Also I recommend ear plugs to lessen the noise when they're driving you crazy. So much easier to cope when you can't hear the little terrors Angels screaming about whatever minor issue has become their huge insurmountable problem.

[beesarethebest]

could you get a 'backpack' to put your stuff in? I'm going to start commuting into London soon and I'm looking into options to lug my stuff around. I find it easier if I can throw everything in a backpack (including laptop) or get a bag that's big enough to contain the laptop and your other stuff.

I second the foldy lightweight pram, or I favour the reins and ditch the pram. minimise the stuff you need to carry for your 20 month old. Do you need to provide diapers and food for nursery? if so, leave a bag of diapers for them, and just bring food. If no need for either (our nursery provided both) then he doesn't need a bag.

try these first before you go for the CM or nanny - those cost money! :)

good luck.

[PigWhisperer]

And maybe ask if someone at breakfast club can read with your eldest - even if its only once or twice a week it would take the pressure off?